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Giulia Rozzi Headshot

Superman that New Year!

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I spent New Years eve at the Marriot in Orlando. My husband had a business trip so I decided to join him and take advantage of a free hotel stay.

The evening began with a hilariously depressing dinner at Hooters. It was 9pm and all the nicer eateries had no reservations available so our dinner choices were Chilli's, TGI-Fridays and good ol' Hooters. There were about 12 busty, scantly clad waitresses and only 3 tables of customers including ours. One waitress spent the entire night sobbing. I'm not sure what happen. I assume her tears were somehow related to her gigantic boobies.

After drinking an entire bottle of Hooters finest bubbly I was ready to party so we decided to be classy and return to the fancy hotel bar.

The crowd at the hotel bar was an interesting mix of people 9 to 90 years old. At first I felt like I was crashing a lame wedding, but after a while I embraced spending my New Years at a cute family party instead of an over-priced, over-crowded New York City nightclub. Okay fine, the classic 50s and poppy 80s music selections of the hotel bar band weren't exactly my favorites, they were appropriate choices for an all-ages party. Older couples twirled one-another. Teenage couples did the twist. Parents with their babies clapped and danced. At midnight balloons fell on the crowd and everyone toasted and cheered. I looked around and felt warm and fuzzy, seeing people of all ages having fun together. Good, clean, fun.

And then that good, clean, fun took a horrible turn when at 12:05 am when the band stopped playing and the DJ took over and played the first song of his set: Soulja Boy's "Crank That."

You know "Crank That" right? That stupid, annoying song with the equally stupid and annoying accompanying dance?

Now I totally understand that many people love stupid annoying songs with equally stupid and annoying dances (i.e. The Macarena, The Electric Slide, and so on and so forth) but "Crank That" is not just stupid and annoying, it's filthy and completely inappropriate for kids.

But when "Crank That" began to play at the hotel bar, 30 or so kids ranging from ages 5 to 15 hit the dance floor and began dancing like physically disabled Fly Girls. Not only did they all poorly attempt to do the extremely difficult Soulja Boy dance but many of the kids knew all the words. Yes all of the words. All of these words...

Soulja Boy Off In This Hoe

Watch Me Crank It

Watch Me Roll

Watch Me Crank Dat Soulja Boy

Then Super Man Dat Hoe

Now Watch Me Do

(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)

Now Watch Me yua!

(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)

Now Watch Me yua!

(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)

Now Watch Me yua!

(Crank Dat Soulja Boy)

For the rest of these brilliant lyrics click here.

Now if this song were about playing super hero games with a lawn tool then these lyrics are pretty harmless. But this song is not about lawn tools, it's about man tools and what comes out of those man tools. For those of you unaware what "superman dat hoe" means here's a nifty link to that explains the act in question

After reading that you can probably guess why the sight of families dancing and singing this song made me want to vomit up my chicken wings. Mothers and fathers ignorantly swung their children gleefully to beat as if "Mary Had a Little Lamb" was playing. But this was no "Mary Had a Little Lamb", unless Mary is flat on her back after getting supersoaked.

Soulja Boy claimed in this article that his lyrics are not obscene (really, even the word hoe?) Regardless I just don't feel right about ringing in the new year as a nine-year-old girl wearing a disgustingly short dress and stripper style make-up thrusted her hips and belted out the words "super man dat hoe" as her parents cheered her on.

Who would have guessed that if I really wanted to ring in 2008 with class I should have stayed at Hooters.

The next song played was Make it Rain. As soon as I saw a 10 year old boy mouth to his mom the lyrics "Clap Clap Clap Clap Gotta Make that ass Clap" I decided it was time to go to bed.

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