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Graham Milne

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Dear Pasty Republican Billionaires: Haven't You Got Anything Better to Do?

Posted: 05/17/2012 4:50 pm

You can't read U.S. political news lately without seeing a story about a septuagenarian Republican one-percenter with a hate-on for the president pouring millions of his fortune into a new Super PAC. Thanks to Citizens United, right-wing sugar daddies are emptying their coffers to Karl Rove and ilk to flood the airwaves with ads blaming President Obama for everything from sunspots to the common cold. Figures like the Koch brothers, Sheldon Adelson, Foster Friess and most recently, Joe Ricketts, are positioning themselves as the new architects of what is left of American democracy. You'd think that achieving staggering levels of wealth would be enough, but apparently, multiple mansions and car elevators are not where it's at anymore. These oligarchs-in-waiting are determined that the government is destined to be a rich guys-only club, and who gives a damn how many poor people get steamrolled out of existence in the process. In fact, the more poor are simply obliterated, the better.

Stories about Republican Super PAC funders seem to have one thing in common -- the men in question are uniformly old, bloated and incredibly sour-faced, as if their soul has been eaten away by a lifetime of stress, drinking, smoking and rage. Paul McCartney told us that money can't buy me love; these characters are the embodiment of that axiom. These real-life Charles Foster Kanes have conquered the business world, crushed enemies in their wake and accumulated wealth to rival that of the pharaohs. But love remains elusive for them, no matter how many zeroes in their Cayman Islands offshore holding account. Nobody loves these guys. No young boy goes to sleep at night dreaming of being a hedge fund manager and forcing people out of their homes.

Instead, Republican billionaires squirm and twist in a constant state of paranoia, terrified that colleagues, friends, family members and even the postal carrier who slips on the ice in their two-mile long driveway in Aspen are scheming to take everything away. It's no surprise, given the path a man has to take to claw his way into mega-millions. You simply don't get there by being adored. How frustrating, then, that others of far more limited means can still manage to find love. Joe Ricketts' recently announced plan to dredge up Reverend Wright again centers on trying to make voters hate the president. Not disagree with his policies; hate him. So, presumably, the president can then feel as down-trodden and hopeless about life as Joe Ricketts must. You get the feeling that we could have been spared the phenomenon of the Super PAC had their mothers just hugged these people more.

What Ricketts and the rest of these billionaires despise most about President Obama is that he is everything they are not, and will never become. Truly self-made: someone who came from nothing and got where he is by working hard and applying himself, instead of being parachuted into accidental greatness by a generous trust fund. A man with a beautiful wife he clearly adores beyond words and a happy, loving family. President Obama is a greater embodiment of the American Dream than any of these grumpy old guys. Moreover, and perhaps more importantly, he has the ability to inspire people across all walks of life, and around the globe. Hope and change remains a potent campaign slogan because it appeals to our better angels.

For crusty old billionaires, this does not compute. They believe everyone is as greedy and money-grubbing as they are; that altruism is a fool's game, that no one ever does anything out of a simple wish to be good. And it positively bakes their collective noodles that not everyone wants to be rich. The majority of us just want to earn enough to look after our families, so they don't have to worry about getting sick or feeding themselves or having a roof over their heads. Amazingly, you can still do that without millions in a diversified asset portfolio, and working hard at that goal despite difficult odds is far more likely to earn you genuine love than the extra fifty million you'll earn if Obamacare is tossed by the Supreme Court.

Simply put, a heart that is rotting cannot lift others. The Koch brothers may have helped the Tea Party become a ground-shifting political force, but no one would ever accuse David and Charles Koch of being inspiring men. They and those like them don't inspire with words and ideas; they push with threats and cattle prods, because they don't know any other way. And they come to envy and hate the ones who do. Whenever you see Karl Rove's picture, this pudgy, balding sinister figure without a kind word to say about anything left of Genghis Khan, you can't help thinking that he must have been the fat kid who was always picked last for the team, and is continuing to take his revenge on the popular kids forty years on to satisfy some long-simmering Freudian dysfunction. And it is all so futile. Mitt Romney could sweep all 50 states and half of Australia and these people will still be stewing in their self-loathing and cursing their inability to feel any better. No one will love them any more. They'll feel even worse if they blow all this cash and President Obama still wins.

So here is my modest suggestion.

Take the money you had intended for your Super PAC and found a charity instead. Build a school. Refurbish a hospital. Fund cancer or AIDS research. Erect a nature preserve. Start a new business and hire some people, for god's sake. Then go visit one of these places anonymously and look for the genuine joy in the eyes of the people you've been able to help. Just stand there and soak it in -- the sense of gratitude, of warm feelings. Let your heart quicken for a few beats. Feel the love. Then think about how you can do even more. How good it will feel when a child whose life has been saved because of an initiative you backed mentions you in their prayers before going to sleep at night? Wouldn't that be amazing? Don't you like the idea of being remembered, like Ebenezer Scrooge at the end of the story, as "as good a friend, as good a master, and as good a man, as the good old city knew, or any other good old city, town, or borough, in the good old world"? Or would you rather spend your money on TV ads demonizing the President of the United States, ads that will be as forgotten as swiftly as you will be the day your rotten heart finally croaks its last beat?

Ball's in your court, Super PACs. I know I'm sleeping fine tonight.

 

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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
MarkInEugene
A blasphemy a day keeps the deities away.
01:24 PM on 05/20/2012
Excellent wise commentary!

I will pass this along to friends and family. Thank You Graham!
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
margoharris
I used to be Snow White but I drifted.
04:45 AM on 05/19/2012
{{{{{{{CLAPPING}}}}}} BRAVO!! You hit all the right notes and it is a pleasure to read the truth put in such a sincere, witty wonderful prose.
You have a fan for life!!
02:24 PM on 05/18/2012
These billionaires are posterboys for Randian cognitive dissonance: they hold a simultaneous belief in their own entitlement AND self-reliance.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
marignymitch
E pluribus unum percent
02:20 PM on 05/18/2012
They aren't listening, Mr Milne. But thanks so much for taking the time to post.
MThomasNC
Retired, Sassy, Senior Citizen
01:28 PM on 05/18/2012
These are the robber barons of 21st century let loose on us by a Conservative SCOTUS Citizens United decision. They are buying local, state, national govts and some even buying foreign govts to rob, plunder, steal natural resources and control our govt coffers.

Excellent article. Keep it up for the more these oligarchs are exposed, the better our democracy stands. The more we hear about these people the more they resemble and act like the fascist movement in Europe in an earlier century where there was a centralized autocratic govt, severe economic conditions, social regimentation, and forcible suppression of the opposition.
radams36
The more I learn, the more I lean left.
09:00 PM on 05/19/2012
Very much agreed. If the Kochs and Petersons read this, I don't think it'll penetrate. But if the benighted who have been fooled by the Teabag movement and somehow convinced to vote against their own best interests, if just some of those people start to see the light, maybe there's some hope.
Frank Padia
I can't believe you are saying..these things just
01:19 PM on 05/18/2012
Gee let me see. They are evil, take advantage of the less well to do, are the reason for all the problems in this country. do not pay thier "fair share" in taxes and the President has made it clear he intends to take their mmoney and destroy thier businesses in favor of his "fair and just" vision for society. Your right, no reason for them to oppose the President other than hate and spite. I love how all of you are so critical of the Super PACs, yet say nothing about the one collect for the President. The reason you want the PACs illegal is because with the media in your pocket, there will no one to offer any view except those of the Left. If your views are so correct, why are you so afraid to let them stand on their own merits? Over the past four years, the Left has focused on one goal: silencing the opposition. That goal seems more like tyranny than freedom to me. Since your allegience is to the government maybe tyranny is what the word "Progressive" actually means.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
margoharris
I used to be Snow White but I drifted.
04:42 AM on 05/19/2012
What a load of crapola.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Utopian Sky
The Unexamined Life is not Worth Living
08:34 PM on 05/20/2012
That. ladies and gentleman, is a perfect example of what years of right-wing propaganda brainwashing can do to a person.

A complete disconnect with reality.
01:15 PM on 05/18/2012
This is the shower I needed after downloading and reading the Ricketts Plan document. Really, really good piece. I'm off to check out your blog.
farleft1917
Nothing is new but only forgotten.
12:53 PM on 05/18/2012
But Obama adores oligarchs: where are his summits with working class Americans? Indeed, Republicans are insane and their rich backers even more so but Obama has no interest in the 99% except at election time.

The horrible truth is that no one cares a jot about us and never will.
Flower411
It doesn't have to be like this.
11:57 AM on 05/18/2012
Yes, yes, yes, and funny too. Thank you.
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voteindependent
stultorum nunquam discere
10:36 AM on 05/18/2012
Truly self-made: someone who came from nothing and got where he is by working hard and applying himself, instead of being parachuted into accidental greatness by a generous trust fund. A man with a beautiful wife he clearly adores beyond words and a happy, loving family. President Obama is a greater embodiment of the American Dream than any of these grumpy old guys. Moreover, and perhaps more importantly, he has the ability to inspire people across all walks of life, and around the globe. Hope and change remains a potent campaign slogan because it appeals to our better angels

ABSOLUTELY!!!
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
annekeb68
Fairly Unbalanced
10:10 AM on 05/18/2012
The access to politicians that these billionaires get has turned our economic system into something resembling an ancient polytheistic tribe sacrificing more and more people to appease these angry rich gods. Thirty years of tax breaks, deregulation, outsourcing and downsizing. Decades of subsidies and bailouts and this latest creep being a team owner who wants the taxpayers of Chicago to pay for renovating his team's stadium. Rich guys don't get rich by spending their OWN money it's always someone else's if not an investor then it's the people who pay taxes through the income they earn by actually working. These so-called capitalists receive the most socialism of anyone in the country and they have the nerve to call the poor "welfare queens"?
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Soulsurfer
Solar Electrician,Longtime Surfin'Fool
09:50 AM on 05/18/2012
Good post, but you're wasting your breath (er, time). Greed and fear are the meat and potatoes on these people's plates, and the large sums of money they've accumulated is what they use as proof of being right. They lack empathy, generosity, and tolerance for anyone's views but their own.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
arkymorgan
Nobody knows the trouble I've been...
01:41 PM on 05/18/2012
You are right, of course.

But the great thing history teaches us is that these guys, over the long haul, always lose big in the end.

And with the accelerating rate of change in the last hundred years, it won't be their grandkids left holing the bag this time.
09:38 AM on 05/18/2012
Excellent article, totally captures the true lives of these sorry men. I often think of (beloved?) character C. Mongomery Burns when I think of billionaires...he is the best example! there was an episode where Burns lost everything, and Homer taunts him..."Does your money hug you or kiss you?" Monty Burns, sadly says, "no." and then Homer and the bar flies all chant..."nobody loves you , nobody loves you..."
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
blondesue
Curious Canadian
09:36 AM on 05/18/2012
Well put. Those bloated super-rich men probably have never heard of charities or giving to those who are in need. Those tax cuts aren't creating any jobs by thesse so-called job creators, the tax cuts are just adding to their bank accounts, in America and overseas. I wonder how elections were won in the US in the 1800s to the early 1900s without all these millions being wasted.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
GHY1
09:02 AM on 05/18/2012
I sometimes think the rich right wing hate guys are the ones who inherit there money as opposed to making there money