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Greg Archer

Greg Archer

Posted: February 11, 2011 07:07 PM

Valentine's Day is upon us. I'm single this year, and that's OK. I've already ordered a box of chocolate, and I'm sending myself flowers. They'll arrive Monday -- hopefully by 11:11 a.m. (But that's another story.)

Love. I can't escape it. No, really. It's everywhere -- on the streets (watch, it's pretty fun to look at it) and especially on the radio. But the other day, I was driving along the coast in Northern California -- sorry Chicago, we've been blessed with 70-degree weather -- when I dipped into that sort of "observing" space. Instead of humming along to the songs on the stations, I actually started listening to them -- and what they were trying to tell me.

From what I gather, it's best to smack my head up against the wall if somebody leaves me and... I'd really be lucky to survive without somebody. Pop music. Such a kidder. But then again... ouch!

All of it got me thinking (not always the best thing to do, because it leads to mood swinging, but what can you do?). In these glorious, modern, social networking times, how are we really affected by the gaggle of ditties we hear in a week's time? Do the songs we hear affect our own relationships and values?

I had to find out. So I put on my therapist cap -- it was tight, the result of overthinking no doubt -- and obsessed my way into discovering the Top 10 Most Dysfunctional Love Songs. Delicious. Take a peek. Then tell me yours.

Baby One More Time (Britney Spears)
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We've heard it countless times. It shot dear Britney to stardom. But listening to it here in the Baby One More Time live in London, Oops Tour, I have to confess that yeah, her perpetual "loneliness" and the emotional barfing of it all has been killing me for quite some time. Brit's also chrips, "when I'm not with you I lose my mind/give me a sign/hit me baby one more time." Looking back, I'm wondering if she meant that literally? Brits: as much as I've enjoyed your 2000-2010 creative slideshow into the abyss and back again, why not spend the next 10 years spitting out material that could, oh, actually empower the youngsters, in better way?
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
aznurse
03:19 AM on 02/20/2011
"I can't live, if living is without you". Nielsen.
"Sometimes, all I need is the air that I breathe and to love you", by ??
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
James Napoli
I've Been Thinking
03:36 PM on 02/17/2011
A little late to the table on this funny post, but nice going. Must add "You Light Up My Life" for barely-concealed co-dependence lurking beneath the adoration!
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Greg Archer
Writer. Editor. Accomplished Mood Swinger!
11:05 PM on 02/18/2011
love that. good LORD. Yes. Many thanks James! (you gave me hope ...)
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
James Napoli
I've Been Thinking
11:18 PM on 02/18/2011
Well, I wasn't going to clog up the comment section with anything else...until I saw your parenthetical sign-off! If I had been drinking milk, I would have laughed it through my nose.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
patman77
10:53 AM on 02/17/2011
i got the hungrys for your love and i'm starvin in the welfare line.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Peppers Dad
10:46 AM on 02/17/2011
Rachmaninoff must have spun like a drive shaft every time this played. It's a ripoff of his Piano Concerto #2 in C Minor. Eric was a prodigy at 5 or 6 on piano.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
arimoore
queer vegan treehugger
08:31 AM on 02/17/2011
Lady Gaga has said that "Bad Romance" is metaphorically about her relationship with the media (not with a lover...)
This user has chosen to opt out of the Badges program
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10:44 PM on 02/16/2011
Frank Sinatra's "In the Wee Small Hours."
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pixiepotpie
If you can buy an election, you can pay more taxes
12:44 PM on 02/16/2011
"He Stopped Loving Her Today" by George Jones is probably one of the saddest obsessive love songs Ever.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
misspoptart
The suspense is terrible. I hope it will last
06:24 PM on 02/15/2011
So a guy I was dating a long time ago made me a "love mix" cassette tape (remember those?) and it had the song "Crazy" by Icehouse. "Well, you've gotta be crazy, baby to want a guy like me. yeah, you've gotta be out of your mind crazy. Well, there must be some kind of mistake to give your heart away yeah, you've gotta be out of your mind crazy." http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PAPCgMkN_os

This song made me not like him anymore. Ick
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Greg Archer
Writer. Editor. Accomplished Mood Swinger!
08:56 PM on 02/16/2011
The song was a gift—it made you realize he was not for you.
crazy, huh?
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
patman77
04:32 PM on 02/15/2011
the bloodhound gang. the stripper when she is crying, absolute #1 dysfunction junction.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
patman77
04:30 PM on 02/15/2011
johnny get angry. the original by hmmmm.
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HUFFPOST SUPER USER
Peppers Dad
10:56 AM on 02/17/2011
Joannie Summers, who was the original voice of - in those days - Pepsi. "For those who think young."
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
patman77
04:27 PM on 02/15/2011
gram parson kiss the children. and the gun hangin on the wall dear is a roadsign pointin' straight to satans cage.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
patman77
04:22 PM on 02/15/2011
the hooker song by tom paxton. dysfunctional but right on from the womans view.
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
patman77
04:17 PM on 02/15/2011
stand by your man.
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HUFFPOST BLOGGER
Greg Archer
Writer. Editor. Accomplished Mood Swinger!
08:57 PM on 02/16/2011
yeah... what about standing by your woman? hmm...
HUFFPOST SUPER USER
patman77
04:15 PM on 02/15/2011
how about I will follow him by peggy march. or the phil spect. b side ronnettes and then he hit me.
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kareemachan
watashi ha tororu ga oroka da to omoi masu。
02:01 PM on 02/15/2011
I had a copy of this 45, honest: 'Here I Sit in Alaska Pulling Claws off of Crabs Cuz You Don't Love Me'

Also, I don't know how dysfunctional it is, but 'Loving You Is Easy Cuz You're Beautiful' by Minnie Ripperton has always irritated me.