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Greg Gutfeld
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THERE IS NO BIO HERE. INSTEAD, YOU HAVE ENTERED GREG'S DOUBLE SECRET HIDDEN BLOG!!! WELCOME TO MY TINY HOLE IN HELL!

july 20 2007
i just noticed that someone deleted a comment from my blog. bizarre!!!

hope you're all doing well! things are simply delightful out here in sunny Manhattan.

does anyone have a good recommendation for decent, inexpensive running shoes? please leave your suggestions in the comments box.

JUNE SOMETHING, 2007

HEY FRIENDS. Do not forget to watch RedEye, on FoxNews Channel at 2 am, every night, and 11 pm west coast. for a nice review of the show, check out

http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguide/features/story/0,,2102951,00.html

Keep in touch folks! Love you all

gg



APRIL 24 2007

hey everyone! yes, it's been a while. I've been swamped doing the show - almost getting no sleep while eating nothing buy crap and smoking way too many cigarettes. on top of that I have to finish my book on England, and I'm living in an empty apartment with nothing to sit on but an ever growing pile of pizza boxes.

I miss you terribly!

I love how there is absolutely nothing here on the blog about the great actor alec baldwin. If it was any repug yelling at their kids - they'd be crucified. As I have pointed before, pacifists and hard lefties who preach peace, love and understanding globally tend to be bastards locally. They hate their families, and more important despise anyone who might put a limit to there own personal freedoms (parents, wives, children). Meanwhile, they praise those who would squash the freedoms of millions of people (see Castro, Chavez - and before that, Stalin).

Anyway, back to work!


Jan 26th
so, i've got a pile of comments on this latest blog - which says something, considering the usual trend these days is chucking my post in the back of the bus the moment it's published. Some folks have emailed me saying they're comments have disappeared. I don't know how that happens. I approve them all, periodically. I'll check in the morning, then every other hour or so, and check off approve -- it doesn't matter how angry, bitter or threatening they are - i approve them.
Anyway, if you haven't read any of my posts before, plug my name in the huffpo search window, and enjoy!
See you all sooner than y ou think!

Jan 25th

I fly out tomorrow...i'm going to miss london. (sob). Oh, and kevin of burbank - sorry to disappoint, but i've never written a single comment on my own huffpost ever. But i value your opinion anyway, and hope that one day we will finally meet. Just give me the room number at the hospital, and i'll make plans!

Jan 25th
hey people!
hope you enjoy this post. Moving back to NYC tomorrow, so I look forward to see you all once again in our familiar haunts (Port Authority, top floor, near the Beiber ticket counter). Talk later when I settle in!

jan 10th.
everytime i think i've become accustomed to the strange, sick pleasure the huffpo takes in the misfortunes of america, i'm then blindsided by yet another ghoulish post by a ghoulish person - this time, of course, it's professor seery. What a sick, strange and pathetic creature. Really, I wonder if he's actuall authentic, or an amalgam of all the Huffpo egocentric needs and fears.

anyway, it's late. I'm off to bed. See ya in the morning!
g
___
jan 8th
Today's post is yet another example of how people here at the huffpo refuse to respond to my point, but choose instead to insult and whine like little tiny underfed babies with poo in their diapers. The fact is the Hennenberger ten year old's writing was a mere fabrication, designed to agree with your flimsy, lazy assumptions about the world.

I mean, do you honestly think, outside of a movie of the week, some kid is actually going to say,

"I was glad I had skipped school that day to go with my mother on a reporting trip on people who could make the world better."

Be real, you sheep. Admit that even you know that's made-up garbage. And editors at the huffpo: at least have the guts to leave my post up there as long as everyone elses. But actually, I don't mind: it's a credit to my power that I frighten you all!

Back later! Have to make soup!

___

amazing - i post here, and it immediately gets dropped into some weird world where no one can see it unless they look for it. i think i touched a nerve for something!
hope all of you are well. i have a slight cold.

interesting - so, i'm one of the top posts today, but i'm not on the front page. i was removed - while other, hopelessly boring ones remain. why would they do that? I welcome your comments! And gifts. I welcome gifts as well.

december 18 2006

how's every going? i hope you're well. It's nice to be back after a long break. been very busy. almost done with the first draft of the book - and i must say, it's the best thing i've written this year!

remember to visit dailygut.com and tell me how much you love and miss me. because I love and miss you too!!!

december 3 2006

I know. I know. It's been awhile. What can I say? i've been swamped. But I promise at some point I will write something for the huffpo, when i actually get sometime. Right now i signed a deal with for my book and celebrated by getting drunk as a goat at the oldest pub in london. I used what i thought was an ashtray for my cigarette. Turned out it was the pub cat's dish. the pub landlord was not pleased, especially when the cat started choking. I didn't like the cat anyway.

I haven't read the huffpo in a while - well, until this morning. And still, it hasn't discovered the truth: the democrats winning back the house means the democrats will now actually have to come up with some solid ideas to protect the US and deal with the inevitable clash between the west and islamic fundamentalism. That means all the hilarious meanderings found on the huffpo about gitmo, abu ghraib, the infringment on our liberties by Bush will go out the window - and completely ignored by the very people the giddy dopes voted for. The dems realize that when you're out of power you can afford to make fun of the president and denigrate the US and our government's efforts to face the enemy head on. But once you're in power, and you're faced with the thought that our enemies will now have the power to go nuclear on a US city - it's no longer funny stuff. It's fatal. You think Jon Stewart or Colbert have realized this yet? Probably not. Because they are still make fun of the President! Daring material, really.
Question: why is it the left can spew so much venom toward America and its administration, but they can't do the same to the very forces that are intent on wiping us off the face of the earth?
Answer: because they're cowards.

What, were you expecting a joke?


NOVEMBER 1ST 2006

HEY PALS!
man, it's been a long time. I've been traveling this month- seeing my family and all that crap. me and wife drove all over california in a rental, got attacked by squirrels, saw some seals and got drunk with two members of Kings of Leon. I don't think they were interested in me. Although it was nice that they invited my wife to the afterparty, and i was able to tag along and get to know the band. I'm more a fan of Clinic and I told them, and they smiled and stopped talking to me. I am used to that.
So, i'm here, just checking out the site, and it's missing something. Oh yeah, me. I have to start writing here again. thing is, it used to be fun getting up the skirts of all these humorless lefties - but now it's too hard because it's so damn boring. it's just the same thing...reiterated daily in spoonfuls of shared assumptions raised only to make people feel good about themselves. No balls. No debate. Just people here trying to impress other people here that they're just as smart as they are. It's funny, the way monkeys flinging poop at each other is funny.
Anyway, life is lovely out here in London. I'm staying out of trouble for once, and trying to lose the 20 pounds i gained since I've been here, though it's next to impossible, and next to that is a Big Mac, which i just ate.
I love Big Macs. But now I'm going to an arabic restaurant tonight and smoke hukka with my wife!
See you tomorrow. And visit me at dailygut.com, and elsewhere!
PS: got a new column in American Spectator - check it out.


sept 25 2006
here's a funny thing: i posted the walmart thing at 12:30 east coast. nothing before it. then immediately - there were TEN other posts right after!!!! hahaha - caught em! i'm not on the front page, not even listed as a new post! i guess that's punishment for telling everyone the flick Hard Candy sucked. Never piss off an advertiser - no matter how progressive the vehicle may be!!
anyway, gotta run!

You see that blog here on The Wire? I love it - when the New York Times says it's a great show - suddenly you see all the thoughtful critics come out of the woodwork. Man, this place is full of sheep.

SO, HOW ARE THINGS?
have you missed me? i was away doing the fashion thing for Radar. I really enjoyed it. Met some lovely people, and spent my birthday with old friends in a dive bar. I'm now back in london, and it's raining. I'll be back in the states in a few weeks, so I look forward to seeing all you again (especially the doctors).

Unrelated note: i've started swimming. 30 laps every day. But I'm still getting fatter. I must be swallowing water.

Another unrelated note: E

and if you have not visited the dailygut, then please do. its dailygut.com

it's a fun little place fillled with neat writing and nice pictures. there are no refreshments, and we do not have a toilet - so you'll have to take care of all that before you arrive.

i just turned 42. that's old! people tell me that i look more like 34, but in my opinion - that's older than 42. I don't know why i feel that way - i just do. Disagree with me? well, that's your right. Just don't do it around me because your making a fool of yourself.


CURRENTLY, my favorite huffie comment:

Correct me if I'm wrong, but isn't it the usual practice in the blogosphere that original posts are at least nominally consistent with the site's editorial bias, and fundamentally opposing views (not to mention hateful ones) are reserved for the comments?

THAT'S ABSOLUTE GENIUS, PEOPLE.

____
if you have not had the chance, go to radaronline.com and see my new fashion columns, covering fashion week in NYC. they kick ass all over the place!
Later!!

hey everyone.
hope you're well! i'm doing great. i'll be in nyc next week. so wear your drinking pants!

I love the comments on my latest post, regarding Irwin. People here at the huffpo pretend to give a damn about the deceased, when really they're just pissed off that I've nailed them once again about their narrow, impotent ideology. (The angrier they get, the more the rest of us know how accurately I nailed them.) The fact is, if you take away "blame Bush" from the Huffpo's arsenal of weaponry - what exactly are they left with?
Nothing.
the fact that they pretend their anger is caused by the denigration of the dead is pure piffle.

anyway, I'm off to the pub. it's 8 pm. and it's a beautiful night.

HI mccaffrey - sorry, i just read your comments. i will take them to heart. it's true, i have been busy - with the bake sales and the dermabrasion, but i promise to devote more time to carefully crafting satirical posts especially for you. I hope you have blonde hair, and you smell of flour. :)


a friend of mine who posts comments here tells me that when he posts on a chopra blog, his posts nail chopra in all his charlatan glory and those mments are never approved. However, if you look at my blogs - even the most inflammatory comments are approved. I even approve the ones that ridicule me for whatever strange achille's heel the angry commenter thinks i have at that particular moment.
my point is: the left is always more intolerant of dissent - which has always made the most laughable and destructive of hypocrites. The true heroes of the revolutionary left, from Stalin to Castro, have always crushed voices of opposition. So it's no surprise even footnotes in chucklehead history like chopra would do the same.
I am sleepy. time for nap!

Dont you think it's strange that my posts get the most comments, but the post still isn't on the front page? Why do you think that is?

aug 5 or 6 - i cant remember
yo! i'm off to nyc for a week. hope to see some of you soon!


thursday. july 27

check out my new column on Human Events. you'll love it. Unless you're dumb. Then you'll just weep quietly into your nonfat yoghurt.

http://www.humanevents.com/article.php?id=16227


tuesday july 25.


again my Dean Wormer theory strikes again. If you remember, this theory is named after the stodgy, reactionary dean from the frat-house classic Animal House. My theory is, once you get your adversary to act like Dean Wormer - huffing and puffing and lashing out with impotent anger - then you've won.
This latest post, for example, shows what happens to the left when they don't get a joke. They resort to insults, or wimpy complaints, or sad pathetic open letters to Arianna (pwease awianna, pwease make gweggy go away!)
my favorites are those that go personal. They make me proudest, because i know these are the ones who have nothing left in their paltry arsenal of sad taunts. I love you. I really do. Especially, you Asumba! I have your email, so expect pictures you little devil!

seriously, as my friend andy notes, each commenter goes into his or her personal bag of tricks to a) figure out my achille's heel, b) try to downplay their obsession with me.

The psychological machinations that i put each commenter through are akin to hardcore mental torture. And the commenters only make matters worse for themselves. This is part of 'Huffpo Syndrome' and it needs to be looked into.

note to El Reamo: Yes. But only if she didn't act. She's a terrible actress.



monday - july 24 2006
how's things everyone? do you like my drawing of arianna? i do.
Get used to it. Will be posting daily!

christ it's hot out here. i blame Bush.

come to dailygut.com and see more great drawings!

love you all!

its another beautiful day in london. sunny, hot, clear. i would go for a jog, but what a way to ruin a city. True. just add the word "fun run" to any great city, and it immediately drains that place of joy. Try it: Paris. Now: Paris Fun Run.
See? Running is evil.

but that's okay. its 11:30 pm
i was drinking all afternoon, and thought a list would be fun. lists are always fun. lists are like puppies. fun to play with and pet, and then use as payment for a drug deal gone wrong. So, it's time for bed. good night. i'll talk to all of you tomorrow.

so i am on the huffpo and i am reading this post by cenk uygar on why european football (what US calls soccer) sucks...and it's a stupid post. but i read one of the comments. and i swear it might be the funniest thing i have ever read in my life:

"i've learnt to appreciate every sport (though soccer is my favorite)since thats the only way i will be able to watch sports all year round. during the winter
olympics, i watched ice hockey for the first time (its a compact and faster version of soccer, the build up imean), now i've been to two games.
its better to try to appreciate things that are not familiar to you than to go on the defensive about your choice being better. its like the white guy that believes in racial hygiene while the black guy isenjoying great sex with both black and white girls.'

ALSO FUNNY: THE post by david horton. weirdly incoherent - he begins writing about Japanese soldiers from WW2 "the other day" being discovered in the jungle and comparing that to "anti-global warming trolls," which i count myself as one (i am against global warming, and i am just about short enough to be called a troll). Dude, it wasn't the other day, it happened three months ago. Other than that, he seems kinda weird. in a weird nongood weird way. why is it that pictures of people at the huffpo (with the adorable exception of mine) seem to be so creepy? i don't get it. Where do these people come from? I mean, when i used to ride the Bieber bus from NYC to allentown, i would buy Hustler just to keep these people from sitting near me. and for the most part it worked. When it didn't work, well sir, you were in trouble.

july 11

hello friends!
i hope you enjoy the t-shirts. they come in only two colors. and one of them is sold out. i need to get mine before i head to the beach. I like to wear oversized shirts, especially to bed! like a nightshirt!

so, how's things? have you checked out my wonderful site, dailygut.com?
it's positively delightful! lots of nice pictures and drawings for everyone to enjoy.

unrelated note: it's very hot here today. I am thinking of having ice cream. I love ice cream.



___


hey everyone! back in london. had a long flight from JFK and got in around 6 am. then took a percocet and slept nearly 12 hours. i am now going to watch UK Big Brother,which is the greatest show ever made.
if you have any ideas, thoughts, or suggestions on what you'd like me to write about - go the dailygut.com, and leave a comment.
sometimes i can't come up with anything to write about at the huffpo, because the present commentary is so infected with sameness it's almost impossible to find anything interesting to say about it, other than, "well, that's pretty stupid."
my favorite post of the year however was russell shaw's condemnation of the hotdog eating contest over the fourth of july. When he talked about starving people, saying, "instead of cheers, they have tears," i almost fell on the floor (i'm very clumsy).
see ya in a bit.


NOW THAT'S WEIRD.
So i put up my post, which gets a pile of comments - roughly 50 plus in a few hours -easily making it one of the top read posts of that day. It however, doesn't make the front page - which shouldn't surprise me. But what did surprise me: the disappearance of at least ten or so comments that I approved.
Here's how it works with me: I approve every single comment that comes up. I dont even read them before hand. When you sign on with your password, you get into what's called "backstage." this is where you can write your blog, or approve or deny comments, by checking them off. Really simple: i approve every comment - even the ones that threaten me or question my manhood or make fun of my family. I don't care - I find them hilarious, as you know. It's all part of what i call "response art." So what i can't figure out is - who is removing the comments, if it isn't me? And why would they do that, if in fact, I approve them to begin with? This is all very scary! I'm going to take a shower, eat a Pop Tart, and call my Congressman.



july 6.
still in nyc. spent a long night at circus on ninth avenue. it's like the old bellvue but without the coffin. ended up at some strange tapas bar across from siberia. then ended up in siberia, and after that i don't remember anything. i would like to thank Patrick for the valium.
So, i head back tomorrow to london, which excites me. London is like disneyland, but with better rides and bad narcotics. I need to get some sleep.
Please feel free to visit the dailygut.com and tell me how much you love me.


june 18.
crap. Brazil beat australia in the world cup. You know what will make you feel better? read this delightful interview with...me! that's right - an interview with me. by me. well, not really me. it was robert bluey, of HUman events. He sent me some questions, and I answered them. I also drew some pictures. it's fun. you'll like it! trust me!!!

you can read it
right here


june 14.
so are you people going to dailygut.com and reading my crap there. it's great crap!
i love you all!! hugs and kisses!

june 12
Heeeeheeeee heeeee. i'm going to see a movie tonight. Something called Hard Candy. I really hope it's about candy.

i have figured out that the normal huffpo news cycle lasts no more than 2.5 days. You can see this with the ann coulter thing. All these Me-too idiots posting, trying to better each other with jokes about anorexia or transexualism - which i find pretty funny only because they are coming from the sensitive, tolerant left. Then by tomorrow, all of it will be gone. Because when you have no ideas, all you can do is comment on one dumb thing, and then another, and then another - without ever having to make a coherent argument. And if you're lucky, your mom or roommate won't catch you smelling your fingers.


june 8.

check out dailygut.com

basically it's alot like what i do here, but smellier.

also check out thebiggodblog.com

it's also a lot like what i do here, but hairier.

I think you can access both thru our parent company, called

theinternetdotcom.com

As you know theinternetcom.com is the internet portal for people who don't have computers. feel free to check it out and give my best to Vic (he mans the desk between 9 am and 1 pm)

i am going to get some coffee and then watch the taped live feeds of Big Brother UK. it's awesome. the star is a punk rocker with Tourrette's, named Pete. He saves insects.

june 7,2005.

I am very excited: I just got HDTV and SkyPlus working on a new flat screen just two days before the world cup. I don't even like football, but i'll do anything to get out of bathing.
I am also very excited that i am KICKING THE HELL out of the huffpo contributers on the Best Huffington Columnist contest. I am currently garnering a total of 83 percent of the votes!
Anyway, it's nice weather out here in London. so I'm off to the pub!


JUNE 3, 2006!!!

OKAY PEOPLE, according to this: http://bigmediablog.com/node/5302/results,
I am leading the pack as the best huffington post columnist! That warms my heart. Really, it does. I am pressing my lap top up against my chest as i write this.
On a separate note: The haditha incident illustrates yet again the glee that the sad and sputtering left feel in anything that might make America look evil. It would be one thing if the left actually had a purpose, or a single idea about how to solve problems like Iraq. Or solve any problem in general.
But they don't.

And THEY NEVER HAVE.

Which is why stories like Haditha serve to excite a mindset that survives only to get excited over stories like Haditha. Horrible news about America is embraced by the Huffies because it validates the sad and bitter assumptions they have about America. Their point of view actually requires no ideas, because their stance isn't based on achieving things, but on feeling good when bad things happen.

it's a weird and ultimately pathetic way of thinking. And it's always best illustrated in the captivatingly angry comments that follow my posts.
My posts exist solely to create "response art," a phrase i have just coined now because it sounds mildly interesting. The fact is, everyone reads those comments because they're absolutely, hilariously tragic. And they illustrate the frothy panic caused when you take advantage of someone's stupidity (right in front of them). In fact, simply by commenting on the post, they take advantage of their own stupidity - and create entertainment for all of us!

It's a joy to watch.


____
Happy Memorial Day boys and girls!

Oh so many people get their knickers in a twist!
Some interesting things to note:
-people who have no problem stereotyping and demeaning their enemies cry and wet their pants when the tables are turned. The difference here: my posts are simply better replications of the very thoughts these muppets have every day when they're smelling their fingers, and it drives them nuts. I get under their skin, and it's worse than crabs! (I should know)

-one thing i love about lefties - the way they smush words together to come up with a new word that somehow is meant to portray their target as stupid or evil, and the inventor as clever and smart. My favorite one today is from RJ EsKow: with "republichristians." See how he did that? He must have realized that republicans and christians both share a consonant! Good work RJ Eskow, or should I say, RJ Eskowmo Pie? (from now on, that's your name)

-I have coined a new phenomenon. I call it the Paul Reickoff Idiot Boomerang. It's when an idiot writes to you, to tell you you're an idiot - which simply means, when an idiot calls you an idiot, then you in fact, are a genius.
So thank you Paul!

Well, being a yank in london means i miss out on all the picnics and stuff. Today, i went to my new gym instead and swam. I am a terrible swimmer - mainly because i am a terrible breather. I still swam 18 laps though. then I collapsed in the shallow end. The new gym has this cool machine that you put your swim suit in after you've swam. In five seconds it crushes all the water out of it - and then makes a really loud bang that scares the hell out of people. It's the only reason i go to the gym now. That, and the free hair gel.

I just ate dinner, and watch the River Wild, a silly flick starring STREEP. Yep. STREEP. terrible movie. But at the end they played a song by the Cowboy Junkies - a band i never listened to because i found the name pretentious. It was the first time i heard their music, and it made me wonder...HOW THAT IS. How could I have missed an artist's entire catalog? I like to think i have pretty extensive and varied music tastes (my favorite bands are fantomas, Broadcast and Clinic) but there are some bands i have never ever listened to. Like Phish. Or Feeder. Or Manic Street Preachers. Or Mogwai. There are even bigger bands that slipped right by me. Has this ever happened to you? Please feel free to comment on a band you've never heard before. And I will try to tell you whether you've missed anything.

Also, keep sending your fitness questions!
-

___
An open letter to my mom:

one thing you can always count on in this world, is that somewhere a progressive lefty will be writing an open letter to someone- so that everyone else can read it. today's is from some lady named andrea batista schlesinger, Her name may be the reason why she has resorted to writing open letters (it must hard to write all that down on the upper left hand corner of an envelope). She wrote hers to Lou Dobbs, who has a short name, and shiny hair. He seems like a friendly guy. But what do I know? Not Lou Dobbs. I don't know anyone named Lou.
___


gee whiz, i just noticed that my hidden blog is missing its lower half! what happened?? it was there a minute a go and then splat!

anyway, it's hard being right all the time - in fact, it's exhausting.
The gym was delightful. I did 8 sets of bench, as well as four sets of triceps, curls, inclines, lat pull downs and rows. The best thing about working out? When you finish working out. Which I am. And that means I can drink one pint of beer. Which I will. Now!

MAY 22 2006
only once every few years do you get such a wonderful parody of a person in Jean Roho. She ticks all the boxes so perfectly - i swear she must have been created by the right-wing in some underground laboratory just for our constant amusement. My favorite line from her second post: 'You assume that I live in an "echo chamber" of liberal head-patting, when, in fact, I live in Crown Heights, Brooklyn, a neighborhood notorious for its cultural diversity and sometimes, conflict.'

She has that common lefty talent of making every point in a debate less about the debate - and more about her. Or to be precise: her selflessness. How noble of it of her to live in Crown Heights! She lives among the rabble! I also dig the way she inserts pauses into her sentences to fake thoughtfulness. That's, in fact, really neat, especially, in a, time, of, war.

The funniest and unfunniest thing - most left-wing self-absorbed loudmouths end up getting jobs and becoming conservatives by the time they're 30. That's because it's simply impossible to sustain that kind of misguided ideology when you're finally living in the real world. That's what happened to me anyway! On that note, I am Off to the gym. I joined a new one last week. It has a pool! I don't swim, but i love the smell of chlorine. Today, HOWEVER, is my weight training day. All pushups, incline, triceps, curls and pull-downs!
I'll tell you all about it when i return!

TUESDAY IN MAY 2006!!!!
three things:
-keep your fitness questions coming!
-the internet venture is taking shape. I am extremely grateful for all the support.
-i am trying to write a song about blogging, but i haven't gotten beyond,
"I'm blogging, blogging, blogging, blogging...
blogging, blogging, blogging, blogging...
blogging, blogging, blogging, blogging...
blogging, blogging, blogging, blogging..."

I would appreciate some help in the comments section!

NOTICE:PS: I will be starting up my new fitness column shortly, so please send me your questions. any and all questions are welcome. just leave them in the comments section of my posts!

i just ate 8 slices of bacon and two eggs. i feel great!
i am very excited. every time i can find a new way to take advantage of a huffpo commenter's stupidity...well it's like following a rainbow to a big golden pot filled with smaller golden pots filled with ribbon candy.

may 14
hello everyone. it's a lovely day in london. three straight days of sun, which means the streets are now full of puke and piss from binging estate agents. I am going to try to post once a week throughout the summer, though i cant be sure. next week will be a doozy. I saw that a friend had written that he thinks i actually make up the hateful comments on my blog. I wish I did. But i don't. Those are all for real: again further proof that the most intolerant people on earth are those who claim to be the most tolerant. But i've learned a lot from the commenters, the most important being that EVERYONE KNOWS YOU’RE A WUSS. Here, you can threaten people with violence, because you know it’ll never get back to you. You’d think, anyway. But it's not that hard to find people these days, trust me on that one.

Even more, i really love the regular haters on my blog. They hate me so much, yet they keep coming back. I used to know a lot of women like that back when i was single. Like them, these haters have huge crushes on me - and their insults are just a way to make contact with me. It's kind of sweet, don't you think?

May 9.
boy has it been a while. i am going to start posting again today. been busy writing a book and driving my wife crazy. how are all of you? Having fun? staying out of trouble? It's lovely weather out here. Very cool and sunny. I am going to a pub in about fifteen minutes to meet with friends and get drunk as a goat!



april 6 2006
good morning all. sorry i've been away - i'm neck deep in a book proposal, which is due monday, the 10th. it's about an american living in london, which interestingly, mirrors my current situation. For friends on the east coast, i'm in NY in two weeks. arriving on a saturday, 4/22. i'll be around for at least a week, maybe longer. i fully expect to be drunk most of the time, so feel free to join me. i urge all of you to go out and purchase the recent maxim UK - it has a minimag attached to it called MIxam - a thoroughly offensive little rag that will bring a smile to your rectum. it's the last issue I worked on, and i'm pretty sure its the most subversive thing you'll ever see on a newstand. in other news, I am fat.

March 23, 2006
I spent a day at the pub and ran into an old guy who used to run the Palladium on Oxford Street. he said Yul Brynner was a prick and once tore a children's phone off a wall and hurled it across the room. I told him that I really loved Brynner's work in WestWorld. He replied, "was that the movie where he was set on fire? Well, they should have let him burn." he did say Sinatra was a real gentleman, who tipped him £200 for a weeks work. I went and saw the Sinatra show last week at the Palladium and it was ace. It was like a two hour Oscar montage

WHERE DID THE REST OF MY BLOG GO?????? WHO KILLED MY BLOG????

Blog Entries by Greg Gutfeld

Cumming on America

0 Comments | Posted October 14, 2008 | 4:07 PM

So Alan Cumming, the fourth most famous export from Scotland (behind haggis, red hair and Groundskeeper Willie) writes at the Huffington Post that America is "comforted by mediocrity."

This coming from someone who -- as Defamer points out -- starred in the Tin Man and Son of the Mask.

Now,...

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SARAH PALIN'S MURDEROUS WEB OF DEATH

0 Comments | Posted September 15, 2008 | 1:52 PM

Calling Sarah Palin a murderer might seem a stretch.

At first.

But alarmingly, Sarah Louise Heath Palin was born on February 11, 1964 - a suspicious beginning, as it is also the forty-eighth anniversary of the arrest of the free-thinking "first-wave feminist" Emma Goldman, for lecturing on the benefits of......

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What Obama Can Teach Jesus

0 Comments | Posted July 21, 2008 | 5:25 PM

While Senator and presidential hopeful Barack Obama tours the Middle East, he brings to mind another inspirational leader who made waves in that neck of the woods not too long ago.

That's right, Jesus Christ.

While many people see Obama as someone who draws inspiration from Christ,...

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Food for Thought

0 Comments | Posted July 20, 2007 | 2:49 PM


Many of our most thoughtful environmentalists are telling us that our planet is facing an unfathomable calamity. The combination of unbridled overpopulation and increasing greenhouses gases puts us on a path to destroy Mother Earth...unless we do something now. Two of the major suggestions to prevent such disaster...

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Seven Things We Now Know About Today's Car Bombing Attempt

0 Comments | Posted June 29, 2007 | 3:04 PM

Folks, I just spent three hours surfing the net and did I learn a lot! Did you know that most of the news we get is controlled by the Bu$hies? Let me enlighten you about today's so-called terrorist bombing attempt in London:

1. There is no proof that this was...

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How Terrorism Affects Global Warming (it does!)

0 Comments | Posted June 22, 2007 | 6:43 PM


My favorite person in the world - aside from Wilford Brimley - is Vaclav Klaus, president of the Czech Republic. Recently he wrote that global warming hysteria has become a problem of truth versus propaganda. He says the issue is more about freedom than tiny changes in global...

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A Serious Post About the Homeless

0 Comments | Posted June 20, 2007 | 6:54 PM

Sad but true: The homeless are four times more likely to die early than those of us who lead sheltered lives.

I ask: why?

Is it frostbite? booze? Steam grate burns?

No, No, and sadly no. Instead, the blame must rest on the iPod, the portable media player designed...

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WHY PROGRESSIVES RULE!

0 Comments | Posted June 19, 2007 | 3:08 PM

At the Campaign for America's Future "Take Back America" news conference this week, no one uttered the word "liberal." Instead, they used "progressive." Weird. Are progressives taking over the left? Or are liberals these days refusing to define themselves as liberal? It is, after all, a term that scares...

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Comment of the Day Award!

0 Comments | Posted April 17, 2007 | 12:31 PM

"September 11 will forever live in our consciousness, but let us not forget those that perished at the hands of Americans."

Alex Leo, the Huffington Post.

Just so you don't forget: we're just as bad as everyone else. I would like to thank Alex Leo and the Huffington...

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NEW SHOW ON FOX NEWS TONIGHT! (starring your friend Greg)

0 Comments | Posted February 5, 2007 | 11:31 AM

Hey everyone! I'm writing to invite you to tune in to my new show, Redeye, which premieres tonight - or early tuesday morning (if you're an east coaster), on your favorite news channel, Fox News!

It airs at 2 am, eastern - which is 11 pm west coast time. I...

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New Trend On The Rise: The Patriotic Terrorist

0 Comments | Posted January 25, 2007 | 10:25 AM

Whenever I visit this lovely blog, I usually run into someone - a "leftist," if you will - who finds pleasure in things that make our country or the President look bad. I suppose I could say these angry types are no better than cheerleaders for terrorism. After all, both...

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Predict When and How John Seery Dies!

0 Comments | Posted January 10, 2007 | 9:00 PM

On January 10th, 2007, at the Huffington Post, John Seery, an academic with credentials, just proposed a novel contest. He says it's "sort of like Monopoly," except it's far more clever: you get to guess how many US troops will die this year. "Submit your estimate," he goads, in a...

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EXCLUSIVE: THE HUFFPO KIDZ!

0 Comments | Posted January 9, 2007 | 10:14 AM

A press release! A press release!

PRESS RELEASE
EMBARGO DATE: January 9 2007, 3 pm

NEW CHILDREN'S BLOG FOR CHILDREN AND ADULTS WHO ARE CHILDREN AT HEART

Hot on the success of ten year-old Della Turque-Henneberg's post about her afternoon with Nancy Pelosi, the Huffington post is announcing its...

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REPEAT, FOR YOUR PLEASURE!

0 Comments | Posted January 8, 2007 | 4:56 PM

It's really weird how i posted it, but it, like totally disappeared - not even on the front page or anything!
anyway, here's something my ten-year-old nephew, Calluph Mayberry-Gillus, wrote!
I thought I should share it with you immediately!

CHILD ABUSE, BY Calluph Mayberry-Gillus, aged ten

As everyone...

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MY NEPHEW BLOGS ABOUT CHILD ABUSE

0 Comments | Posted January 8, 2007 | 9:43 AM

Here's something my ten-year-old nephew, Calluph Mayberry-Gillus, wrote!
I thought I should share it with you immediately!

CHILD ABUSE, BY Calluph Mayberry-Gillus, aged ten

As everyone knows, poverty, global capitalism and the illegal war on terror have led to the breakdown of families all over the world. What this...

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The March to Mecca

0 Comments | Posted December 18, 2006 | 1:16 PM

HELLO EVERYONE. I know it's been awhile since I've posted, but I've been very busy working on my book and television and web projects. However, after receiving this press release from the Huffington Post, I had no choice but to return. This is an absolutely fantastic idea, and I urge...

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Why you Should Applaud Walmart's Drug Discount

0 Comments | Posted September 25, 2006 | 1:48 PM


(AP) - Based on an already successful business model that has brought affordable products to millions of consumers, Walmart plans to sell hundreds of generic prescription drugs at highly discounted prices to the Huffington Post.

"Our practice of providing value and jobs to the lower middle...

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SPECIAL HUFFPO GIFT OFFER FOR BELOVED COMMENTERS!

0 Comments | Posted September 22, 2006 | 12:44 PM


Huffposters: look at the reflection in the plate!
It's not a hologram -it's reality! It's you!

Buy a limited edition Hugo Chavez Plate of Hate, and you'll never have to eat alone again! Finally: A perfect companion to watch Keith Olbermann -...

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30 AMAZING THINGS ABOUT AMERICA ONCE IT BECOMES PART OF THE NEW CALIPHATE!

0 Comments | Posted September 7, 2006 | 11:43 AM

More available parking in the jewelry district

Hustler goes "all-ankle"

Zoos closed because chimps not adhering to laws of modesty

Finally decent halftime entertainment at the Super Bowl (beheadings)

The Fahrenheit 9/11 ride at Universal Studios.

...

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WHAT CAUSED STEVE IRWIN'S DEATH? TAKE A GUESS.

0 Comments | Posted September 6, 2006 | 1:44 PM


It is common knowlege that stingrays are gentle creatures - quick with a smile, always there to lend a helping fin. However, in the matter of Steve Irwin, this was not the case: the loving conservationist was killed by one piercing stab to the heart - by, of...

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