THE BLOG

END GLOBAL WARMING: STOP GLOBAL JETTING!

08/11/2005 03:16 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

"My summer travels have come to an end with my journey to Ravello. I arrived in Amalfi with my two teenage daughters and took the winding road up to Ravello to visit Gore Vidal."
-Arianna Huffington

Ariannia couldn't have made it to Amalfi in a Prius. The ride height of your average Prius is 15.2 cm, which is far too low to accommodate the rocky terrain one might encounter in such rustic regions. And no matter what Laurie David says, all that those Prius mudguards do is harm the soft, unprotected heads of the indigenous Anguidae legless (or glass) lizard, a rare species in which its members lack limbs.

For the Anguidae legless lizard: Prius + Mudguards = death.

Clearly jets are factored into this trip to Amalfi - a disturbing fact given that no one on the HUFFPO ever discusses the harm these large, repulsive raptor-like monstrosities do to the environment.

Imagine an SUV. Now multiply it by ten, add wings and a propeller and aim it at a seagull.

Now think about that seagull's family.
How does it feel to have seagull blood on your hands?

That's not all you'll have on your hands if you fly in private jets. According to an organization called the Intergovernmental Panel on Climate Change, major aircraft are responsible for 3.5 percent of all human-caused global warming. In fact, a 1999 IPCC report shows that aviation impact might cause a 600 PERCENT increased risk in global warming. Obviously, much of this harm is done by commercial jets, which transport millions of commoners yearly around the world. But the real evil: private jets. They exist only for elite consumers who travel lavishly in style and comfort - regardless of the harm that this transportation choice has on our fragile environment. How someone can, with a clear conscience, use one, is beyond me. THINK OF THE SEAGULLS.

That's why i am starting a petition to end the use of these symbols of global gluttony, a petition everyone at the Huffpost SHOULD sign with their seagull-bloodstained hands. (Simply go to my comments section and register your name.) I will send the petition on to the appropriate transportation officials.

THE PETITION:

We, the undersigned, STRONGLY URGE A TOTAL AND COMPLETE BAN ON THE USE OF PRIVATE JETS. Private jets are an unjust and ultimately harmful method of transportation. A single take-off can produce more harmful pollutants than 100 cars driving 200 miles in three hours. This is bad for our planet. It is bad for our children. It is bad for innocent birds sucked into jet engines. It is also bad for women and minorities who are already marginalized by a lack of economic opportunity - the kind that makes it difficult for them to afford private jets in the first place (we call this the "airspace ceiling"). We urge everyone in America, primarily those who are wealthy enough to enjoy chartered private jets, to denounce the use of said jets. We cannot let these planes take off while our planet slowly dies. And birds too. "

END OF PETITION.

In the end, however, we need to address a larger issue - that of banning air travel entirely. While auto emissions are supposed to fall, researchers think jet emissions will keep growing. Sadly, our stupid unthinking government has not set hard numbers for jet emissions.

BUSH + JETS = DEAD BIRDS

Frankly, we need to create a "sustainable" method for getting around.

-It can't be horses, since the methane they produce is extremely harmful to our environment.
-it can't be walking, since paths and trails inevitably cause erosion. And we haven't even factored the harm our feet do to small plant life, insects, and lizards. CHRIST: THINK OF THE LEGLESS LIZARDS!

The only answer I can see, is to take inspiration from Deepak Chopra's views on life, and kill yourself. Since we're already dead anyway, simply commit suicide and hope to be reincarnated as a baby born near the person you want to visit or do business with. We can call this "Deepaking."

My recommendation: For our first maiden voyage, the Huffington Post should invite Gore Vidal to "deepak" over to America to speak at the HUFFPO home office Christmas party.