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Greg Gutfeld

Greg Gutfeld

Posted: January 25, 2006 02:12 PM

FINALLY! THE ROE V. WADE JOKE PAGE!!!


Judging from my last post, there are a lot of people here who take abortion VERY seriously - so seriously in fact that they worry me. I think what's needed are a few "belly" laughs to ease the tension!

So, in honor of National Abortion Week, here are some cute jokes to tell your kids! or Nonkids!
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A fetus wakes up one morning only to realize he's in the process of being aborted. The fetus looks at the doctor and asks, "What the hell are you doing?" The doctor turns to the patient and says, "Don't worry, not all of them are this stupid."


A man finds a fetus on a park bench, crying, and asks "What's the matter?" The fetus responds, "I just got aborted!" "That's terrible," says the man, "but it could be worse. If you were born you'd probably end up fighting a war you don't support in Iraq."

Girl:did i ever tell you about the worst abortion i ever had?
Man: no.
Girl: It was great!

How is planned parenthood like a cattle drive?
They head em up and move em out!

Prior to the procedure, a fetus is asked about how she feels about abortion.
She replies, "Well, that depends on what stage I am in my career."

knock-knock
who's there?
you'll never know!

After a couple has sex, the woman turns to the man and says, "If i get pregnant, what should we call the baby?" "A fetus!" he bellows before erratically speeding off to his home in Hyannisport, Mass.

A woman and her fetus were walking into a clinic. "I'm scared," said the fetus.
The woman replies: "How do you think I feel? I have to walk out of here alone!"

Why did the fetus cross the road?
Because they moved the dumpster.

Little Johnny goes up to his mother and says, "Is it true babies come from storks?" "Why yes," says the mom. "Do storks ever have abortions?" he asks. The mother stops and laughs and then says, "Yes, but only the poor black ones."

A fetus approaches a single girl at a party."Hey sexy, would you like a drink?" he asks.
She looks down and says, "Do I have a choice?"
"Well...yes you do," says the fetus.

A daughter goes up to her mother and says, "Mom can I have $300 for an abortion?"
"It depends," says the mom. "Are you any good at it?"

Did you hear about the fetus that started a bar fight?
He went there to "stir-up" some trouble!

What do you get when you cross a fetus with a feminist?
A fetus that desperately wants to survive in order to inform you later that it should be her mother's choice to abort a fetus.

A fetus walks into a bar and orders a scotch.
The bartender says, "how are you going to pay for that?"
"Hold on. it's coming. " A minute later the fetus's arm arrives with his wallet.

A Fetus walks into a bar with a fat lady on his head.
Bartender says, "What'll it be?"
Fat lady says, "Too early to tell, but if it's a harelip, it's outta here!"

So Barbara Boxer, Ted Kennedy, Hillary Clinton and a fetus are playing golf.
Clinton puts the fetus on top of the tee, grabs a driver and goes
into her backswing.
"Hold it," says Boxer. "You need a three-wood!"

Barbara Boxer, Ted Kennedy, Hillary Clinton and a fetus go to heaven
and meet St Peter at the gates.
They each give their names, except the fetus, who just says, "Fetus."
St Peter checks his paperwork. "You're not human," he says. So Boxer
goes to hell.

Why is a fetus like a condom?
It's safer with one, but more fun without.