GEORGE CLOONEY: I AM A CELEBRITY! THERE, I SAID IT!

I AM A CELEBRITY, BY GEORGE CLOONEY

I am a celebrity. And I make no apologies for it. Hell, I'm proud of it.

In fact, I'm the son of a celebrity. As such, I'm part of a long line of Hollywood celebrities who confuse pretending to be somebody else on film with the assumption that anyone gives a shit about my opinion. I'm a celebrity.

I have political ideas that are often found in high school juniors. Terms like "question authority" and "truth to power" speak to my soul--almost as much as the last Mariah Carey album. I'm a celebrity--and not just any celebrity, but a Hollywood celebrity. That means I've raised hypocritical behavior to spiritual dimensions. I fly all over the world--while blaming the current administration for global warming and high energy prices. I consider it my patriotic DUTY to criticize my government--I just can't quite bring myself to live here, preferring a lakeside estate in the socialist Paradise of modern Europe. I'm a celebrity.

Too many people run away from the label. They whisper it like you'd whisper "I'm a Nazi." Or "I'm a liberal." Like it's dirty word. But turn away from saying "I'm a celebrity" and it's like you're turning away from saying that Iraq was better off under Saddam Hussein, that America does more harm than good in this world, and that Communism wasn't really a bad thing. It's not like it killed anybody.

This is an incredibly polarized time to be a celebrity. But I find that,more and more, celebrities like me are trying to find things we can agree on.

And not just on how you shouldn't come in strippers.
Though, that is a good one.

For me, one of the things we absolutely need to agree on is the idea that we're all allowed to question authority. Why? Well, it makes me look good and feel good. Ever since my first starring role in Facts of Life, I have always fancied myself a rebel. And coming here, to the Huffington Post, to criticize the government -- well, if you believe that's not a courageous example of questioning authority - well then you sir are not a celebrity.

We also have to agree that it's not unpatriotic to be in love with yourself.

That's one of the things that drew me to making a film about Murrow. He reminds me of a great leader - and one that has been an inspiration to me,and probably an inspiration to others. I am refering of course, to myself.Make a movie that's critical of McCarthy? Well friends, that would take courage. Well, friends, I am full of it.

When you hear Murrow say, "We mustn't confuse dissent with disloyalty" and
"We can't defend freedom abroad by deserting it at home," it's like he's
commenting on today's headlines.

You know, as long as he reads the right headlines, which means the headlines in the New York Times or the Los Angeles Times. That helps us overlook the fact that Murrow was actually wrong about
everything--as wrong as Walter Duranty was when he was a New York Times correspondent covering up Stalin's genocide in Ukraine, or as wrong as Walter Cronkite was when he got scared in Vietnam,
misreported Tet and pronounced the war as "unwinnable" as a result.
What matters is what our friends think now.

Yes, it's true, there were many Communists in the US, and there were plenty in Hollywood. In fact, before Hitler broke the pact with Stalin, we celebrities were pacifists demonstrating against the war
while Nazis rounded up Jews. And it's also true that in the 20th century, 80 million people died because of Communism. We celebrities opposed anti-communism for the same reasons we opposed anti-Nazism. It feels good!

I left that part out of the movie.

By the way, my next movie is about banning DDT! DDT hurt some birds! But thanks to celebrities like me, DDT was banned and now millions of the poorest, weakest people in the world die every year. That takes real courage on their part!