THE BLOG

NOT A HOAX

05/25/2011 11:45 am ET

I just received this email from my aunt, who just got an email from her friend Joan, who works at the stationery shop in Hillsdale Mall, San Mateo, California! THIS MAY SOUND LIKE A HOAX, but it’s not! I am sending it along here so all of you don’t fall for this!

Anyway, here’s my aunt’s email:

“Hello Greg. This was forwarded to me by a friend, Joan, who works at the stationary shop in Hillsdale Mall, San Mateo, California. Joan doesn't know if it's true or not but, I'm passing it along to you. We might see this on the CNN tomorrow... as totally true or a hoax but...YOU CAN NEVER BE TOO SAFE.

“Joan just told me that her friend, Alice, (who also works at the Hillsdale Mall in San Mateo, California) said that she heard a kitten crying loudly on her porch TWO nights before last. She said the kitten sounded hungry and scared, and she thought it was WEIRD. She was going to check on it, but then she decided to call the police.

Glad she did because the police told her "whatever you do, do NOT open the front door." Alice then told Joan that the kitten's cries had gotten fainter, and she was worried that it would wander to the busy street and get run over, possibly by a car! So she called the police again and they said, "we sent someone to your house. but PLEASE do not open the door." He told her, "it's a PLOY. if you open the door YOU WILL DIE."

Apparently the police says that Karl Rove has a kitten's cry recorded and uses it to coax women out of their homes thinking that someone left a kitten outside. When a woman goes outside to check, she is murdered in a manner so vile, then her body defiled so ghoulishly, it defies description! THIS HAS ALREADY HAPPENED TWICE. In Toledo and Mt. Pleasant.

It has not been verified, but the police say that Rove then drives around in black sedan with other staff members, with the women tied up in the trunk. The cars lights ARE NOT ON. This is ON PURPOSE. The first person who ‘flashes’ them or honks their horn at them – has to be followed by the newest staff member in their car – who has to shoot them dead! When someone is shot, a pair of shoes, laced together, are thrown over a powerline to mark the place of death!

IF THE SHOES ARE LOAFERS, THEY ARE INCINERATED ON THE SPOT AND THE ASHES ARE FED TO GEESE WHO ARE THEN EATEN AND DEVOURED BY THE GANG.

Apparently for Rove, these initiation tasks must be carried out by new staff members in order to be admitted into “Rove’s gang.” Hospital staff who have seen the victims say that they all had their feet chopped off, taken as proof of the kill and presented to Rove back at their fort. (this could explain why you see more women than usual who are missing feet - ALTHOUGH MANY ARE TOO ASHAMED TO ADMIT IT)

Sometimes Rove's black car would pull up to a light, and if you stop next to them, they will roll down the window and throw a towel soaked in fuel that has been wrapped in aluminum. A fire cracker is attached to the foil. when the firecracker goes off, the rag catches fire, the foil explodes - causing mayhem in your car! Rove calls this ROVEBALL, and it's caused a half dozen deaths in the midwest. KEEP YOUR WINDOWS ROLLED UP, EVEN IN THE SUMMER. Also, my friend Mary was getting some gas and when she tried to go back to her car the man working at the gas station starting yelling at her and saying she did not pay! When she went back in to argue, the man told her he just wanted to get her back in because he saw a strange man crawling into the backseat of her car.

That strange man was Karl Rove. The attendant locked all the doors and called the cops.
WITNESSES SAY THERE WERE DEEP SCRATCHES ON THE CAR DOOR THAT MAY HAVE BEEN MADE BY A HOOK.

WAIT: it gets worse. The police has received the following vital information via a contact at the hospital ambulance service and i also know this for a fact because my aunt’s friend Bernice’s daughter is a nurse at the VERY HOSPITAL where the footless victims are taken. THe last time it happened the hospital received phone calls predicting when the NEXT victim would arrive. THE THING IS: THE PHONE CALLS WERE COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOSPITAL!

Please pass this on and do not open the door when you hear a crying kitten. CALL THE POLICE. Bernice’s daughter says that if they see a black car with no lights on, they are NOT to 'flash' or honk and keep your windows rolled up! Do not go to gas stations. If you do, Rove, or a member of his gang - might also be playing the tape of the kitten crying just in case they can entrap you for THEIR SICK AND SORDID SEXUAL GAMES!

Hope to see you this weekend for Sunday lunch!

Your aunt.

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COMMENTS

I can’t help but think that posts like this are the result of Bush's War on Iraq.

posted by jann wenner at July 26, 2005 2:14 pm

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Why is this up here? i spent hours googling articles about Jean Charles de Menezes so i could write a post on it - and now people will read this instead. Maybe i should go back to tiger sharks. That was a good one.

posted by R. Blow at July 26, 2005 2:14 pm

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THIS MAKES NO SENSE. Did anyone read my poem on george bush? i'm taking a creative writing class at night school, and i think it's really paying off! I'm also single!

posted by Gene Stone at July 26, 2005 2:14 pm

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I was once a republican, but this post has made me a democrat. Also, please read my bio.

posted by Cenk U. at July 26, 2005 2:14 pm

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I don't understand this post. My driver read it to me, and it upset me so much, I fired him on the spot. He had to walk home.

posted by Arianna, at july 26, 2005, 2:14 pm.