THE CELEBRITY'S GUIDE TO POLITICS by G.Clooney
Talk the talk just like I do! Here are my free talking points. I have them broken down issue-by-issue so you don't have to remember too much. Remember: Look serious!
War: War is bad, especially for children. Peace, on the other hand, is great. And it amazes me that more people don't realize how great peace is. I mean, people can live in peace. Not in war. War is for warmongerers, and their constant warmongering proves this. It is so simple to me, really. If only all of us just looked to our so-called enemies and said, "Look, we're sorry. We just want to be friends." I say the same thing every Saturday morning, and the girl almost never cries.
The environment: Lets face it. Natural stuff is good stuff, especially for children. Things with chemicals are bad. Things with chemicals hurt natural stuff and children too, so we need to ban chemicals. I've also noticed that really big machines use more fuel and create more pollution. This cannot be good for trees, as well as their offspring. i wonder if anyone has looked into that - are we creating tree babies with birth defects? That would be terrible. Who is going to take care of the retarded tree babies? What about the retarded tree babies?
War: wait, I think i already did that. Sean, scroll up and check. There should be something in there about children. Hold on...oh yeah, there it is....Hey Sean, you don't have to keep writing everything I say down in the post. Okay..
Health care: It's important. I want to keep banging waitresses.
Women's rights: i won't lie. I love women. totally. And i gotta tell you - talking about women's rights really helps ...especially for children. Not that I need help. But if you're less than handsome, just talk about how much you're for women's rights and you'll get into her pants in no time. Great thing about women's rights is you can ask them to leave after you bang them, because you know, the need to stay overnight is really just a patriarchal bullshit. It also works if you tell them you'll call.
Abortion: I'm for a woman's right to choose - completely. Having kids is tough, especially for children. Hard even. If I were a woman, i would have had 30 abortions by now. it's almost unfair that I can't have them. Babies are cute i guess, especially for children, but it usually takes 16 years before they're really hot.
It's a tough choice really - a double edged sword. LIke, if you bang a hot chick, and she gets pregnant -- do you abort it, or not? Like, I would abort it, so the hot chick stays hot. But if YOU abort a hot chick's baby, then you may be preventing the likelihood of another hot chick being born. My advice is, if you impregnate a hot chick, and she wants an abortion - please ask her first to get a sonogram, especially for children. If it's a girl, then say, "hey lets keep the baby." Because every hot chick's girl baby that you save, is one more girl i get to bang in 16 or 17 years (depending on the state).
Taxes: i have a very strong feeling about taxes. I have a house in italy.
That's me, when it comes to politics.