Why you Should Applaud Walmart's Drug Discount

(AP) - Based on an already successful business model that has brought affordable products to millions of consumers, Walmart plans to sell hundreds of generic prescription drugs at highly discounted prices to the Huffington Post.

"Our practice of providing value and jobs to the lower middle class and the poor has succeeded far better than any government program in existence, and that has adversely affected the health of the more vulnerable sector at the Huffington Post," says one Walmart spokesman. "Since we feel responsible for undermining their own fragile mental stability, we only thought it would be fair to help them get their anti-depressants, anti-anxiety medications and high blood pressure drugs at cheaper prices."

Walmart's success - driving costs out of the system and passing savings to the customers - is one that is often reviled by the rich, famous and highly colonic at the Huffington Post. According to experts, "Wealthy elitists experience physical and psychological duress when they see less wealthy people buy things that wealthy elitists thought only they could afford." The popularity of SUV's among the middle and lower classes - a mode of transportation that uses less fuel than private limousines and chartered jets - is a recent phenomenon that elevates both blood pressure and heart rate among the fishbowl elite, leading to a powerful mix of mania and panic. " The usual solution: purchasing electric cars and organic goods as a method to distance themselves from those who live within a budget.

The better solution: drugs.

Because it is unlikely Huff bloggers will go to Walmart during regular hours, the store will offer special midnight hours so celebrities from both coasts can seek out bargains without being spotted by judgmental friends or paparazzi. "At four dollars a medication, Alec Baldwin will end up saving thousands of dollars a month," says one observer, who looked a bit like his brother Daniel. The nearly 300 generic discounted drugs will include the most prescribed drugs for the most common disorders that face Huffposters, from halitosis to irritable bowel syndrome. "Most commenters have both, so they'll be seeing the biggest savings across the board!" adds Greg Gutfeld, a well known health care expert and bowel irritant.