THE BLOG
10/23/2012 06:30 pm ET Updated Dec 23, 2012

People You See at a Coffee Shop

The tourists -- They don't speak English and look completely lost. The people in line behind them wait for the foreigners to make up their fucking mind so that everyone can get on with their lives. Chances are the couple is wearing some brightly colored puffy jackets. They are always wearing sneakers.

The breakup -- A rare find, but a precious gem. Breaking up in a casual place allows was carefully thought out by the breaker-upper to avoid any discomfort that may come about from ending things in a quieter place. Tears may be shed subtley, but you have to be lucky and pay close attention.

The first date -- They probably met online and are visibly nervous. The one who arrives earlier doesn't know whether or not to order so they skip the line and anxiously check their phone and pretend to be doing something important. Awkward conversation ensues and you quickly stop paying attention.

The asshole -- This is the guy wearing all black, wearing a turtleneck, and is surrounded by an entourage of Apple. He stands sipping his coffee until the spot he longs for opens. It is the perfect location, close to an outlet, away from but also close to the next group. He defines coffee snob.

The annoying group -- Chances are they are sorority sisters, long-time besties, or maybe just loud people. They ask Apple man to move over a bit so that they can set down their purses and coats. He annoyingly agrees. The girls laugh and catch up while the man becomes more and more enraged. He abruptly picks up his belongings, which takes about 10 minutes, making a scene along the way, and bitchily walks out of the coffee shop, or even better, he moves elsewhere and gives the girls continued death stares.

The hot guy -- He has nice bit of scruff, wearing a navy cable-knit sweater, has dark jeans, and is quietly minding his own business. It's hard to tell exactly why he is here, probably waiting on his girlfriend, other good looking friend (who is not quiet as good looking he is), or maybe waiting for you to muster up the courage and say hello (thought internally, he doesn't even know you're there). You make eye contact, your heart drops, then you realize he is looking at the person behind you. It's his girlfriend.

The old guy wearing a hat -- A regular at the coffee shop, he stops in here often and gets the same drink he has been getting since the first day he paced in. There is a New York Times on the table, maybe a small pastry if he is feeling audacious, and he is currently jotting notes down on a small piece of paper. He has seen the neighborhood change and the price of his coffee rise. He doesn't say anything but you can read his body language.

The two friends catching up! -- These two either went abroad with each other, were on a sports team, or maybe just lost touch with one another way back when. They talk about work, life, love, while throwing in memories of their crazy youthful escapades. Somewhere in their conversation they say how much they miss hanging out with each other and that they will do a better job in the future. That is a lie and they both know it.

The indie girl sitting in the corner with glasses -- She is sipping on an ice-coffee, reading a book, for her masters most likely, completely out of touch with the craziness of the streets. She has likely been here for three or four hours and internally prides herself on all of the work that she is getting done.

The artsy guy -- Very similar to the indie girl, the artsy guy is wearing a collection of Gap and JCrew. He is holding a pencil, annotating the latest paperback of his favorite author. His ear buds are in so he can tone reality out. He gets annoyed easily but enjoys the coffee, atmosphere, and literature too much to leave.

Not mentioned but also present: the intern fetching their boss coffee, the person on the run, the chain-smoker outside, the rare PC user, the writer, excuse me the "blogger," and all of the pretentious coffee snobs that drink their small iced, soy-Americano, in a medium cup only to send it back because they forgot to ask for an extra shot of espresso.