THE BLOG
09/23/2011 03:45 pm ET | Updated Nov 13, 2011

Mr. & Mrs. Smith & Mr. & Mrs. Olear

Angelina Jolie has everything--a successful career, a romance with Brad Pitt, a crew of cute kids and millions in the bank--except for the one thing she really needs: friends. "Angelia is hungry for normal moms to be around," a source close to the star, 34, tells Hot Stuff. "She feels like she lives in a bubble." She's also having trouble managing stress, says a second insider, who notes that Jolie "has been overwhelmed lately with the children. She has nannies, but she likes to do it all herself. She's very hands-on--but she's exhausted!"
--Us Weekly

Dear Angelina,

I'm writing today in response to the aforementioned article, which I came across in the copy of Us WeeklyI found in the waiting room at the hair salon.

Let me begin by saying that, as a "co-parent" to two lovely children, Dominick and Prudence, I totally understand what you're going through. It's hard enough making friends with other mommies and daddies, but for someone as in the public eye as you are? Wowsers.

Put it this way: if my only option for parental peerage consisted of Katie Holmes and Victoria Beckham, I'd live in semi-isolation, too. Who wants to go to all those soccer games?

The truth is, other than your choice of profession--well, that and the movie-star good looks--you have little in common with most Hollywood moms. You've got gravitas, girl! And that must take its toll. Between the visits to Third World countries, the U.N. Goodwill Ambassadorship, Beyond Borders, and Notes From My Travels--not to mention a slate of roles in decidedly depressing films--you, my dear, are desperately in need of a little sunshine.

And I know just the person to provide that sunshine, not to mention the sororial bonding you need from another in-the-trenches mommy: my wife, Stephanie.

I think you and Steph would, like, totally hit it off. I mean, you have a lot in common: You both had reluctant C-sections. You both lost your mother to cancer. You're both of French-Canadian/Native American stock. You're both married to sexy dudes. You're the same age (OK, Steph is a bit older than you, but she's still way younger than Brad). And you know how you're a political lefty but your dad voted for McCain? Same with Stephanie!

Because she lived in the East Village for fifteen years, my wife won't be wowed by your enormous celebrity. She went to school with Taye Diggs, she has friends who write for SNL, her best friend played Marius in Les Mis on Broadway. In fact, other than the time she accosted Matthew Broderick in a health food store and told him she thought he was "the best comedic actor ever" before turning tail and fleeing in shame, Steph is totally chill when it comes to hobnobbing with the rich and famous. She knows that what Us Weekly says about stars is bang-on true--they're just like us!

What else you might like to know is that Steph is both a talented musician and a graduate student pursuing a masters in mental health counseling. So not only can she serve as a sounding board/therapist and help you manage the stress we read about in said magazine--and as an aside, let me say that it's refreshing to hear that movie stars feel stress about their children that doesn't involve finding discreet babysitters so they can stay out all night with other movie stars--she can also belt out a killer rendition of "Wheels on the Bus."

Me, you've obviously heard of, because you know the issue of Vanity Fair that just came out that you're on the cover of? Well, I'm mentioned in that issue, on page 146, and I'm sure that did not escape your attention. What you may not know is, I've spent the last five years as a sort-of stay-at-home dad, eking out a living doing freelance work. Sort of like you with Kung Fu Panda, but with a much smaller paycheck. Also, I'm an astrologer, so I can do your chart (assuming the birth time on IMDB is accurate, I already know that you're a Cancer Rising and that Venus conjuncts your Ascendant, which means, if you will forgive a technical horoscopy term, that you're hot).

Brangelina, meet Grephanie!

We live in New Paltz, a charming and liberal college town in New York's bucolic Hudson Valley. I know you spent time in Albany while filming your spy movie, Salt. Let me assure you: this ain't Albany. Unlike the state capital, New Paltz is a place that tourists actually want to visit. Mohonk Mountain House is here, plus we have historic Huguenot Street, the oldest residential street in North America. Brad will like that, because he's an architecture buff.

You know who else is an architecture buff? Our son, Dominick. He's six, and he enjoys whiling away the afternoon reading A Field Guide to American Houses. He knows the subtle differences between the Beaux Arts and Second Empire styles, and he really wants to visit Cleveland because of all the lovely historic homes there. More to the point, there's a girl in his class who sort of looks like Zahara, and he really likes her. This bodes well for playdates.

As for our daughter, Prudence and Shiloh are the same age, and they both have awesome names. (Let me take a moment to compliment you on your good taste in that department. Maddox, Zahara, Pax, Shiloh, Knox, Vivienne--not a clunker in the bunch. No Apples, no Moseses...and no Olives, because Olive Pitt doesn't quite work.) If Shiloh enjoys riding bicycles, belting out tunes at the top of her lungs, and playing non-competitive games of hide-and-seek, she and Prue will get along famously.

While it's true that New Paltz is quite a distance from Los Angeles, New Orleans, Paris, Berlin, Phnom Penh, Namibia, and other places where we suspect you might maintain residences, we are right down the road from Woodstock, so it's not like we've never seen celebrities before (although so many of our citizens support a mandatory death sentence for television that it's entirely possible that you could accompany Stephanie to one of our local watering holes for a few Fin du Mondes, and TMZ would never be the wiser).

Another thing: Stephanie already has a really great circle of mommy friends. These are ladies you would really dig. Liz, who has four kids--including twins, like you--is really funny and down to earth and has great taste in music. S.L., like you, has tattoos and tastes that run Goth; I don't think she'd wear her husband's blood in a vial around her neck, but the idea wouldn't repulse her. And check this: Elizabeth and her husband Tim have four adoptive children, two from Guatemala, and two from Rwanda. That's right--Rwanda. Plus, Tim's car runs on vegetable oil. I bet even Leo's car doesn't do that.

If you'd rather not relocate from sunny Los Angeles to a place where the winters are cold and slush-filled, and the Subarus outnumber the Porsches, just to cultivate a friendship with a woman you met by reading a letter her husband wrote on a website, even one as mighty as HuffPo...hey, I understand. I won't take it personally. But if you're willing to give it a shot, have "your people" call "our people," and let's set up a playdate. You won't be disappointed.

Hope to hear from you soon.

Best regards,

Greg Olear

PS
We have a jumpy castle.