It appears iconic Wrigley Field, home of a baseball team that hasn't won a World Series since text messaging was performed via carrier pigeon and smoke signals, is finally going to look like a normal ballpark.
Cubs owner Tom Ricketts recently forged a deal with Chicago officials to renovate the crumbling structure and include, among other things, a revenue-generating video scoreboard in left field, a hotel and office building across the street and a pedestrian bridge to accommodate faithful fans like myself who still believe the Cubs are going to become (dare I say it?) World Series champs! (That last sentence has my PC's spelling and grammar tool flummoxed; it keeps suggesting I change the last three words to "fourth-place finishers.")
Barring a few lawsuits from whiny neighborhood residents who feel Wrigley operates just fine with a men's room urine trough, parking for roughly 37 vehicles and support beams that could easily buckle if a steady wind blows off Lake Michigan, Ricketts is ready to move. Don't be surprised if construction equipment appears in the outfield shortly after the All-Star break.
Deep drive to left, Soriano heads back and... a SENSATIONAL leaping grab by the Caterpillar bulldozer!
Len, I thought that was going over the wall... if the wall existed!
Ricketts has boldly proclaimed that the improvements will make champs out of the North Siders. In reality, all he is doing is leveling the playing field; most major league stadiums added JumboTrons and fully functioning toilets years ago. It's quite possible the Cubs could wallow their way through another century without a title. Therefore, Ricketts needs to include futuristic amenities that fans will enjoy not just in 2014 but 2114, at which time the Cubs will most likely be owned by a group of cyborg investors with deep pockets and a love for baseball. So, Mr. Chairman, please consider the following upgrades that did not appear on your comprehensive plan:
- QR codes on all player uniforms that can be easily scanned with cellphones. The codes would lead users to a website verifying that yes, that really is a major league player on the field.
OK, that's about it. Wait, I just thought of a hologram for the Walk of Fame. Joe Pepitone. He batted .307 in 1971. That more than qualifies.