We eat with our eyes first. Before I went to Chef David Myers' new Century City swankery, Hinoki & The Bird, I read online reviews as my amuse bouche.

I respect my friend Jay Weston's great taste, and devoured every word of his delicious-sounding HuffPost review of Hinoki....

My nightmare of showing up to school unprepared for a test has been replaced with one so raw, so real, it scares not just me, but anyone with an iPhone, and might be preventing the other 1 percent from buying one.

I enter a...

I haven't seen an episode of Mob Wives. Or maybe I have: I had dinner with Big Ang.

Like an exotic big bird, she flew south for a winter break in Florida. She breezed into dinner at Valentino's Fort Lauderdale, turning heads just like a sleek, dark yacht cruising down...

In Order:

10. Yard Sale this Weekend! I'll man the table in the Piazza 8am-till noon. MASSive bargains!

9. You think you got troubles -- try packing up a lifetime of "vow of poverty" in less than 10 steamer trunks.

8. "Salmon Fishing in Yemen" just makes so much sense...

Rent control is a true thing of beauty, except rent control doesn't last forever.

Santa Monica abolished rent control years ago, but I'm grandfathered in. Unless word of my monkey farm leaks out, I'm safe and my rent only increases a small percentage each year.

During the reign of rent...

The world will end. Sunrises and sunsets have become predictable and monotonous. Ever since televised singing competitions started bringing one amazing voice after another into my living room, I need to be constantly amazed. I'm looking forward to a bright, fiery explosion on December 21.

No one knows precisely what...

Just when you think it's safe to pack your bikini away, winter kicks short-term memory right in its gelatinous ass, and the beaches of Hawaii, L.A.'s far-western suburb, call.

When she calls, I don't pick up, I pack up.

I love the Garden Island of Kauai, where you can spend the morning basking in the sun on the southern beaches of Poipu, hike the North Shore's scarily steep Nā Pali coast and find the Jurassic...

I've barely figured out how to upload a blurry picture of my dinner to social media; I am not about to attempt to express my political opinion in less than 140 characters in the vain hope that I might sway someone's vote.

An army marches on it's stomach, so...

Hundreds of tiny bottles line my bathroom cupboard shelves. It looks like I have a heavy chemical dependency combined with OCD because the small bottles are organized by type, size and brand. This cabinet appears to support a very organized addict, with each individual dose measured out.   

I might have...

I am in Florida as hurricane Isaac approaches. Normally old men don't come down till November, but this Isaac's early.

Being from Los Angeles, I'm familiar with earthquake preparedness, like having water and batteries. You get no warning for an earthquake, but you do get a bit of notice for...

Sometimes I just show up at Whole Foods with no plan. I walk the aisles and wander around until I get inspired. Like Michelangelo cruising a brothel -- when he finally sees his "David" he grabs a chunk of marble and starts chipping away at the boy's innocence. I too,...

Online guides such as The Zagat Guide, Yelp or TripAdvisor can be useful to diners and detrimental to restaurateurs. One bad review can close you down before they close their browser. Cyber-sent diners will flee from your eatery before they can even taste for themselves whether your "ambiance is as...