10. Yard Sale this Weekend! I'll man the table in the Piazza 8am-till noon. MASSive bargains!
9. You think you got troubles -- try packing up a lifetime of "vow of poverty" in less than 10 steamer trunks.
8. "Salmon Fishing in Yemen" just makes so much sense now.
7. I'm totally gonna miss my cook. But not the china -- that old shit is all chipped!
6. If these four hundred walls could talk.
5. Awkward? Your butler walking in on you singing "I'm Telling You I'm Not Goin'." Upside, that gold scepter makes a banging mic!
4. Between you and me, the Popemobile is the Emperor's New Clothes of secure cars. Cheap plastic. Shhhh.
3. Keeping my pigeons. Was just told that there is sketchy wi-fi in my new digs.
2. Been up all night googling to see if I can go on Match.com. I might be old, but I'm not dead.
1. Aaand I am Audi 5000! It's been real... not.
Follow Greg White on Twitter: www.twitter.com/gregwhiteusa