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The Most Annoying Wine Words

Posted: 10/29/10 03:08 PM ET


Wine can be a pretty stuffy topic. Historically, it's been dominated by old men tasting wine in wood-panelled libraries, speaking with a little Locust Valley lockjaw (if you know what I mean, Lovey).

The fact that the people responsible for tasting wine, and writing reviews seem intent on confusing their audience continues to amaze me! I mean, let's call 'em like we see them, and stop using the most annoying words in wine writing!

"Unctuous"
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As defined by its main abuser, Robert Parker: "Rich, lush, intense wines with layers of concentrated, soft, velvety fruit are said to be unctuous." Look, I know I'm an outlier, but unctuous means smooth and greasy, and if we're using it as an adjective to describe a person it only gets worse: "Excessively or ingratiatingly flattering; oily!" Maybe that is what Parker means after all, but do me a favor and keep your smooth, greasy wines away from me.
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Wine can be a pretty stuffy topic. Historically, it's been dominated by old men tasting wine in wood-panelled libraries, speaking with a little Locust Valley lockjaw (if you know what I mean, Lovey). ...
Wine can be a pretty stuffy topic. Historically, it's been dominated by old men tasting wine in wood-panelled libraries, speaking with a little Locust Valley lockjaw (if you know what I mean, Lovey). ...
 
 
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04:47 PM on 11/06/2010
I was in a reataurant with my ten year old and i asked him how his rootbeer was. he said
" Over-tones of oak,", he pasued tasted it again and said ," American oak."

a leetle disclosure, i am a beer fiend in a wine world and occasionaly do mock the wineys. My son probably got that comment from me.....
04:30 PM on 11/06/2010
I always look for "camphor, eucalyptus or minty". I hate those flavors in a red wine. While a long finish is important, timing it to the second does seem kind of silly.
12:30 AM on 11/06/2010
How about the HuffPo writer who playfully described wine notes of cat's pee, band-aids, and wet grass. I'll never forget that. Too funny. Kurt Friese, I think. Hope I haven't butchered his name.
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leftLibertarian
Don't vote for Obama or Romney
09:18 PM on 11/05/2010
very good >)
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Badger33
I'm trying real hard to be the shepherd.
05:48 PM on 11/03/2010
Yes, a lot of these words are beaten to death. I remember the bizarre ones, though. I was at a tasting where a woman sampled a white (can't recall the details) and exclaimed "vinyl." Maybe it was retsina? I also like to flip through tasting notes in magazines. I remember the notes for a Texas (yes) red wine in the Spectator: "hints of burnt rubber and petrol."
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Gregory Dal Piaz
04:41 PM on 11/02/2010
Hi Everyone!

Thanks for all the comments. I really had fun writing this and like the words I've chosen here I hope we don't take what I've written too seriously. I've used most of the words at least once, and in all truth the broad vocabulary of wine is part of the fun!

That for me is what it's all about though, having fun. I love drinking wine, talking about wine, even arguing about wine, but in the end if ti wasn't fun, well I'd be elsewhere. So have some fun on me. I followed up this piece with some commentary on the words I regularly abuse, and just published an article today on my favorite types of wine lovers and geeks!
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06:11 PM on 11/01/2010
Not to mention the body part analysis of wine's legs, nose, palate. Wine reviews don't help me much. I can barely tell a corked bottle from a good one.
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03:27 PM on 11/01/2010
I love wine. Sometimes unusual words can usefully describe a certain, otherwise hard to describe, feature, but unfortunately too often they are used to create the impression that the writer knows more than you do. When in fact all that matters is whether the wine is to your liking.
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jimboy71
Hen Diapheron Heautoi
02:33 PM on 11/01/2010
My favourite is "barnyard"...while it is applicable, it's, well, nasty.
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02:09 PM on 11/01/2010
This is how I write about a great glass of wine: Hmmmm good!
02:04 PM on 11/01/2010
My fave: "an interesting conjunction of insipid wines" spoken by one the partners of the most dreadful wine snob team EVER. We were attending a newspaper-sponsored tasting to determine the best wines for sale in Colorado. These condescending Colorado Springs dimwits were horrified that "amateurs" were participating in the tastings.
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MrsGreebers
01:46 PM on 11/01/2010
This slideshow challenges my palette like an impudent mockery of an unoaked Chardonnay.
02:44 PM on 11/01/2010
Well done.
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MNKen
You're not the boss of me...my cat is!
01:42 PM on 11/01/2010
Why don't they ever comment on the artwork adorning the box wines? Or make recommendations for e-z-pour handles for the gallon jugs?

BTW...anyone know where I might get a jug of Boone's Farm Apple? Vintage 67 or 68?
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cjohnathan
I speak only in hyperbolic statements...
02:48 PM on 11/01/2010
fanned for avatar- badge of the DUI -LOL....
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MNKen
You're not the boss of me...my cat is!
06:47 PM on 11/01/2010
{grin} Thanks! Been sober over 12 years now. But do have memories of drinking Boone's Farm in the 60's. (at least I think I remember ;-)
gclafontaine
Sand is a small price to pay for sandlessness.
01:16 PM on 11/01/2010
You could give a similar list for coffee. I love coffee, but I hate the way coffee snobs try to describe its taste.
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MrsGreebers
01:48 PM on 11/01/2010
The big coffee trick is that words like "bold" and "mountain grown" etc. originally refer to acidity. I go for Sumatra, Brazilian other low-grown coffee because it's easier to digest.
01:09 PM on 11/01/2010
It's easy to say these things until you're in a position to write about such things...