Balanced Life -- 7 Tips If You're Chronically Late

Feeling as though you're always running twenty minutes behind schedule is an unhappy feeling. Having to rush, forgetting things in your haste, dealing with annoyed people when you arrive...it's no fun.

If you find yourself chronically late, what steps can you take to be more prompt? That depends on why you're late. As my Eighth Commandment holds, the first step is to Identify the problem - then you can see more easily what you need to change.

There are many reasons you might be late, but some are particularly common. Are you late because...

1.You sleep too late? If you're so exhausted in the morning that you sleep until the last possible moment, it's time to think about going to sleep earlier. Many people don't get enough sleep, and sleep deprivation is a real drag on your happiness and health. Try to turn off the light sooner each night.

2.You try to get one last thing done? Apparently, this is a common cause of tardiness. If you always try to answer one more email or put away one more load of laundry before you leave, here's a way to outwit yourself: take a task that you can do when you reach your destination, and leave early. Tell yourself that you need that ten minutes on the other end to read those brochures or check those figures.

3. You undestimate the commute time? You may tell yourself it takes twenty minutes to get to work, but if it actually takes forty minutes, you're going to be chronically late. Have you exactly identified the time by which you need to leave? That's what worked for me for getting my kids to school on time. We have a precise time that we're supposed to leave, so I know if we're running late, and by how much. Before I identified that exact time, I had only a vague sense of how the morning was running, and I usually thought we had more time than we actually did. My daughter goes into near-hysterics if we're late, so that motivated me to get very clear on this issue.

4. You can't find your keys/wallet/phone/sunglasses? Nothing is more annoying than searching for lost objects when you're running late. Designate a place in your house for your key items, and put those things in that spot, every time. I keep everything important in my (extremely unfashionable) backpack, and fortunately a backpack is big enough that it's always easy to find. My husband keeps his key items in the chest of drawers opposite our front door.

5. Other people in your house are disorganized? Your wife can't find her phone, your son can't find his Spanish book, so you're late. As hard as it is to get yourself organized, it's even harder to help other people get organized. Try setting up the "key things" place in your house. Prod your children to get their school stuff organized the night before--and coax the outfit-changing types to pick their outfits the night before, too. Get lunches ready. Etc.

6.You hate your destination so much you want to postpone showing up for as long as possible? If you dread going to work that much, or you hate school so deeply, or wherever your destination might be, you're giving yourself a clear signal that you need think about making a change in your life.

7. Your co-workers won't end meetings on time? This is an exasperating problem. You're supposed to be someplace else, but you're trapped in a meeting that's going long. Sometimes, this is inevitable, but if you find it happening over and over, identify the problem. Is too little time allotted to meetings that deserve more time? Is the weekly staff meeting twenty minutes of work crammed into sixty minutes? Does one person hold things up? If you face this issue repeatedly, there's probably an identifiable problem - and once you identify it, you can develop strategies to solve it -- e.g., sticking to an agenda; circulating information by email; not permitting discussions about contentious philosophical questions not relevant to the tasks at hand, etc. (This last problem is surprisingly widespread, in my experience.)

Late or not, if you find yourself rushing around every morning, consider waking up earlier (see #1 above). Yes, it's tough to give up those last precious moments of sleep, and it's even tougher to go to bed earlier and cut into what, for many people, is their leisure time. But it helps.

I've started getting up at 6:00 a.m. so I have an hour to myself before I have to rassle everyone out of bed. This has made a huge improvement in our mornings. Because I'm organized and ready by 7:00 a.m., I can be focused on getting all of us out the door. (On a related note, here are more tips for keeping school mornings calm and cheery.)

What are some other strategies that work if you suffer from chronic lateness?

* A great blog, Get Rich Slowly, is about "personal finance that makes cents." It covers a very broad range of topics related to finance, so there's much there of interest to just about anyone.

*Big favor: I gently encourage (or, you might think, pester) you to spread the word about the Happiness Project. You might:
-- Forward the link to someone you think would be interested
-- Link to a post on Twitter
-- Pre-order the book for a friend
-- Put a link to the blog in your Facebook status update
Thanks! I really appreciate any help. Word of mouth is the BEST.

 

 

Comments

[Dr. Cara Barker - Huffpost Blogger]

I just want you to know, Gretchen, how much I appreciate your work in our world.

Blessings, and of course, joy your way, and to each of your many readers,
Cara

[oakley9]

I agree with some of the other comments.... it's a control issue.

[booker52]

My take on folks who are always late, it's a control issue. Theirs, they feel like they have no control with the rest of their life, so this is one area they do. My way of dealing with it?? If I make plans to leave at a certain time and so and so doesn't show, I leave. It's a wake up call when they do show up and no one is waiting.

[blackgirlgrown]

This is a great article for those that are time-challenged and I am hopeful that many take it to heart. Unfortunately, lateness has to be on my Top Ten list of pet peeves to the detriment of many friendships. Certainly, timeliness was something I learned more about in college and I try my best to be on time (if not early) for those that I have made a time commitment to.

The thing that most frustrates me about lateness is that I take the time to organize my day and my schedule so that I can meet my time commitments. And I expect the same of others (yes, that is the problem with expectations). To me, it is a common courtesy similar to saying "bless you" after someone sneezes.

The article provides a good analysis on what trips most people up, and importantly offers solutions to those committed to the effort.

To the time-challenged among us - I'm rooting for you!

[BarbP]

Another common cause of chronic lateness is adult ADD/ADHD.

[skunky93]

true!!

[fcsakes]

Oh sure, anybody can be late, but what about those of us who are chronically early?

[KIVPossum]

I get to work early, get to appointments early, and am ready early to leave home for outings. To me it is a sign of respect to be somewhere at or before the appointed time.

It's somewhat a problem. In Moldova if someone makes an appointment to meet you at a certain time, they'll arrive a half hour late. Many employers think a worker is punctual if they are only a half hour late to work.

[skunky93]

So basically everyone is always late for you just because you are there early huh? lol that must suck for the people who arrive at the right time but have to deal with you being early..

[Juicysmo]

One thing to consider is that some people have reasons that are deeper than being "selfish" for being chronically late. There are many people who suffer from obsessive compulsive disorder, depression, etc. which has a huge effect on getting up and getting to work, school, appointments, etc. Sometimes chronic lateness can be attributed to selfishness, but it may be worth a try to give someone the benefit of the doubt.

[skunky93]

It's true . :(

[Samuel Perry]

in lots of cultures, they don't put so much emphasis on schedules and being 'on time'. They also don't associate character flaws or moral weakness with tardiness. Nor do they run themselves ragged to win some sort of rat-race. Of course this isn't the case in those European countries that do not begin with an F. When there is a practical necessity, punctuality should be expected. But if its all about control, which it often can be, especially in the modern workplace, maybe there should be some push-back in some spaces.

I say abolish the concept of lateness. If you're late, just expect to get left behind. So it's in your interest not to be too late. Or not to burn out your nervous system becoming hyper-vigilant over whether your personage is occupying a particular space according to another's standards. I try not to keep others waiting, of course, but I prefer to keep my own schedule.

[deborahahah]

I agree with a previous comment by Moshe. my #1 reason for being late (and late for me is 10 minutes early to work instead of 15) is HuffPost. #2 reason is nytimes.com. and reason #3 is I decided - at the last minute - to make breakfast

[jennylynn]

Some people just want to get attention by arriving late.

[Cool-headed]

I tend to be late because I always like to smoke a nice joint before leaving for work in the morning. It's nice but it does take a little time - marijuana is such a laid-back friend she does not respond when you try to smoke in a hurry.

[HoneyBQuick]

LOL. Just being honest, I guess.

[GigsLaroo]

Granted, *extreme* chronic lateness is perplexing and rude. My husband had a guitar student who would be up to 40 minutes late coming to the house. (Of course after I politely pointed it out, they went ballistic.)

But a friend being 5 minutes late? Give me a break. What is life, a freaking military operation or something? If it's a plane trip, movie or play then yes -- promptness is it. But if you're meeting friends at a park or something -- geez, get the bug out of your ass. Aren't they your FRIENDS? Lighten up.

If you're so anxious and anal that you can't relax by yourself for 5 minutes, the issue may not all be with your tardy friends.

[Moshe]

8) You're spending too much time at HuffPo.

[mercymercyme]

Chronic lateness is a power trip in its passive aggression. I don't buy the depression angle at all because most of the folks I know who have diagnosed depression (myself included) do not have this character flaw.

Chronic lateness is a sign of arrogance and disrespect to those who are waiting for you and who have to suffer the consequences of tardiness. Case in point: my sister was pushing her husband and son to get ready to leave for the airport, citing how important it was to allow time for traffic problems, etc. They made a big deal about pooh-poohing her concern, in a most dismissive fashion. You can guess the rest: they missed their non-refundable flight, lost a bunch of money and missed an important family affair.

My husband still gets upset talking about his former wife's chronic tardiness. She loved to make a dramatic entrance so that she would be the center of attention -- for her and others like her, attention was good --no matter how negative. Her actions caused them to be late for opening acts of the theatre and the movies; dinner would get cold, etc. Of course, the offender was enabled by her cohorts who would not chide her.

Chronic lateness is often explained away by excuses piled upon excuse. There is no excuse for it; not with today's technology. It is a social pathology, plain and simple.

[TAFL]

FTW!

[Lucille]

Why is your husband "still upset" about his ex-wife's lateness and telling you about it? And why do you care? You sound like you don't like her either but unless you were the cause of their divorce, why do you care what her habits were while married to your now husband? You even refer to her friends as "cohorts who would not chide her." It sounds like you don't have clean hands in the scenario you described either.

[skunky93]

Thats bs...people CAN be depressed and have a hard time getting dressed, feeling like they hate everything they try to put on, unsure about what to wear, lost in their emotions without noticing that the time is passing, and then when they realize that they are going to be late, it usually pushes them into further depression about themselves.

[rosewelsh]

Chronic lateness can be a simple problem. For some it is a whole lot more complex than that. Other reasons why it is difficult to be on time:

1. An inability to get in synch with the flow of time and it's changeability. It's amazing how much a routine that works for two or three days suddenly, given the same circumstances doesn't work on another day. Getting up at 6am and starting to get showered at 7:10 will get me to work on time for several days, then suddenly with no real change in the routine, that's not enough time!
2. Chronic illness
3. An inability to sleep well because of a medical condition that ruins quality sleep.
4. Hormones that wreak havoc with one's need for sleep at different times of the month. One week I can do fine on 7 hours of sleep, then the next week 9 hours isn't enough.
5. An anxiety disorder that may cause a person to seek out as much downtime away from daily life as possible.

These are personal things that I and others fight against daily. It's not a cut and dried issue for everyone, just like weight loss. Please don't lump us all into the selfish category. Not all of us are jerks. Many of us actively struggle to find a solution to this problem, only to find that the solution we thought was going to work, and even worked for a few days, suddenly no longer works.

[cinemaven]

When I was chronically late, I had myriad excuses ... once I decided to be more respectful of others, the excuses went out the window. If I knew I couldn't make an appointment in time, I didn't make the appointment.
All of your reasons are about you and that makes it selfish... it's not neccesarily purposefully selfish but keeping others waiting when you agreed in advance that you'd meet them at a specific time is extremely selfish and inconsiderate. If you are plagued by personal issues, just don't make appointments until the issues are resolved and you can begin to keep your word.

For me, it was embarrassing to realize that it's easy to keep your word and be there 5 minutes early instead of 5 minutes late... it was a very small attitude and lifestyle adjustment and it has completely erased the incidents of flying in full of apologies and excuses.... a very positive side effect. :)

[HoneyBQuick]

I don't agree with cinemaven at all. Just because their cause for lateness was selfishness doesn't make it true for everyone.