Happiness Quiz: How Well Do You Know Yourself?

How well do you know yourself? It's surprisingly difficult.

In doing my happiness project, I've been repeatedly struck by how hard it is to follow the first of my Personal Commandments, to "Be Gretchen." Why is it so difficult just to accept my own nature?

Two of my favorite Secrets of Adulthood remind me to Be Gretchen: "Just because something is fun for someone else, doesn't mean it's fun for you - and vice versa" and "You can choose what you do, but you can't choose what you like to do."

I've noticed that people often assume that everyone enjoys the same activities that they enjoy, because they believe those activities are inherently enjoyable. For example, when I commented on how well a friend had arranged some flowers, she explained, "I needed a part-time job during college, so of course I tried to get a job at a flower shop."

"Why did you try to work at a flower shop?" I asked, puzzled.

"Well, everyone loves working with flowers," she answered matter-of-factly.

Well, actually, nope. I would never try to get a job in a flower shop. In college, I always got temping jobs, because I could work on my own writing projects while looking productive. (Speaking of not recognizing your true nature, I missed this obvious clue that I wanted to be a writer.)

People also assume that they in fact do enjoy what they think they should enjoy - e.g., they enjoy going to the theater, because going to the theater is a fun thing to do. Nope! Not true. There are so many "fun" things that I don't enjoy one bit, like skiing, drinking wine, going to concerts, eating pasta, shopping. And I love to do many things that other people dread doing - cleaning out closets, for example. I beg my friends to let me help them clean out their closets.

My friend Michael Melcher wrote an outstanding (and quite funny) book called The Creative Lawyer. He also has a terrific blog. The book is aimed at helping lawyers find more job satisfaction - whether within law or outside of law - but it's also a valuable resource for anyone trying to understand himself or herself better.

Here's a quiz, lightly adapted from The Creative Lawyer, to help you figure out your interests. Not what you wish interested you, but what actually interests you.

1. What part of the newspaper do you read first?

2. What are three books you've read in the past year?

3. As a child, what did you do in your free time?

4. What's a goal that has been on your list for a few years?

5. What do you actually do with your free time? [This is perhaps the most helpful question. I finally switched careers from law to writing when it dawned on me that I was always writing books in my free time.]

6. What types of activities energize you?

7. What famous people intrigue you?

You need to pay close attention to yourself. The better you understand your true likes and dislikes, the better able you are to make decisions - in work and leisure - that will make you happy. It's not possible to build a happy life, filled with enthusiasm and engagement, based on the way that you wish you were. For better or worse, we're all stuck with ourselves.

As Thomas Merton noted in his diary, "Finally I am coming to the conclusion that my highest ambition is to be what I already am. That I will never fulfill my obligation to surpass myself unless I first accept myself, and if I accept myself fully in the right way, I will already have surpassed myself."

Have you found any good ways to understand yourself better?

***

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If you'd like to join as a super-fan (to participate in the pre-launch or to volunteer to help in other ways), click here or email me at gretchenrubin1 [at] gmail [dot com], and I'll add your name. (Use the usual email format -- that weirdness is to thwart spammers.) Just write "super-fan" in the subject line.

Comments

[wagadog]

Hey great citing Thomas Merton! His Asian Journal is just GREAT. Thanks! OK.

1. The Austin Chronicle -- Free Will Astrology just cracks me up. Then Tom Tomorrow, and afterwards the music listings.

2. Neal Stephenson's Anathem. Iain M. Banks' Matter. Thos. Pynchon's V.

3. Read.

4. Master the Accordion -- Zydeco, Noreno and Kletzmer....

5. Play the Accordion -- with other people. Folk, Ragtime, Blues and Texas standards, mostly. Going to hear other people play.

6. Playing music with other people...at parties! Yay!

7. Musicians, writers, playwrights, sculptors, potters, carpenters, engineers: people who actually MAKE things, creative people...

7.

[Norge]

A large number of people use a large part of their given time to do what others want them to do and not satisfying their own needs which eventually will tire them out or push them towards bitterness with deep feelings of unconscious resentments which will externalize in future unpleasant ways towards others.

Parents often are responsible for their children persueing life time goals their parents want for them and are not the choices of the children.
It is after parents die and children are released from the control of them that they then change careers
and begin to fullfill their own dreams.
Then they also can begin to "Know themselves" and grow.

[simidimi]

What part of the newspaper do you read first? Political opinions

2. What are three books you've read in the past year? Somewhere towards the End, Diana Athill; Netherland, Joseph O'Neill; White Tiger ( still reading)

3. As a child, what did you do in your free time? beach, reading, talking

4. What's a goal that has been on your list for a few years? To do something, anything adventure filled

5. What do you actually do with your free time? Run, read
6. What types of activities energize you? long free ranging political/cultural discussions under almost any circumstance and physical activity (biking)

7. What famous people intrigue you? Right now I'd like to meet Diana Athill- for her unconventional life

[JonShank]

What part of the newspaper do you read first? -- The television section.

2. What are three books you've read in the past year? -- None.

3. As a child, what did you do in your free time? -- Played, watched TV, made up songs.

4. What's a goal that has been on your list for a few years? -- Bag Jessica Alba

5. What do you actually do with your free time? -- Masturbate, drink, watch TV

6. What types of activities energize you? -- Masturbate, drink, watch TV

7. What famous people intrigue you? -- Bill Maher, George Carlin, Jennifer Esposito

[Marie-Elena15]

I thought these were great questions too, and I have enjoyed reading the responses. People do interpret the world differently, like they say, variety is the spice of life!

[kareemachan]

Okay...

1) The Living section, as it has (in our paper) the comics, Ann Landers clone, and NYT crossword puzzle. And on Thursdays, the Food & Wine columns.

2)'The Story of Edgar Sawtelle' by David Wroblewski, 'Shakespeare & Co.' by Sylvia Beach, and 'The Quiet Girl' by Peter Hoeg.

3) Read. And read. And read. (Would it surprise you to learn I ended up working in a wonderful bookstore as an adult?)

4) Put in a real garden. Living on the edge of the woods as we do, I've done all of my gardening on our deck - we have voracious mutant deer around here. So putting in a garden means fencing the whole area w/ 6' fencing and building raised beds, as we have about 3" of soil on top of solid rock.

5) My spare time? I catch up on the news on the internet (I stopped watching news on TV years ago). I read. I garden on the deck. And I do photography.

6) Things that energize me are cooking (remember I worked in a bookstore? I have about 500 cookbooks on my shelves and try to use them all), volunteering at my kid's school and the local library.

7) Writers. I am fascinated by the process of inspiration and writing. My present favorite is Barbara Tuchman, a historian whose eye for details awes me.

[Khirad]

Alrighty, me too:

1. What part of the newspaper do you read first? (online) World News, Politics

2. What are three books you've read in the past year? Failed States by Noam Chomsky, Philosophies of India by Heinrich Zimmer, The Dord, the Diglot, and an Avocado or Two by Anu Garg.

3. As a child, what did you do in your free time? Daydreamed (ADD).

4. What's a goal that has been on your list for a few years? Go back to college.

5. What do you actually do with your free time? Read, take walks, music.

6. What types of activities energize you? Stimulating discussions on current events, philosophy, etc.

7. What famous people intrigue you? Been meaning to dust off and read a biography of Rimbaud, if that gives anyone an idea.

Thanks, I enjoyed reading the other people's answers.

[Springbirdgirl]

1. Food Section, Local, Sports

2. Agatha Christie (Murder at Styles - saw it and realized I never read her first book!), In Search of the Miraculous (still working on it, Pearl Cleage - Baby Brother's Blues

3. Played with friends, Read, Sang and Danced a lot!

4. Write a novel

5. Read, laugh with my husband, cook great meals - I am taking a yoga class (harder than I thought)

6. Volunteering (which I need to do more of), Having a great conversation

7. Currently, Michelle Obama (my first girl crush!),

[Sandeelion]

I'll play too:

1. What part of the newspaper do you read first? I read the online versions of news sites...usually the US news first.

2. What are three books you've read in the past year? A Tree Grows in Brooklyn- Betty Smith, Fast Food Nation- Eric Schlosser, and the Fortune Cookie Chronicles- Jennifer 8 Lee.

3. As a child, what did you do in your free time? Read or Play tag and cops and robbers with neighborhood kids.

4. What's a goal that has been on your list for a few years? go camping (never been), go hiking (only done it twice), and read more.

5. What do you actually do with your free time? hang out/play with the dogs, and read.

6. What types of activities energize you? when I participate in something that I think will help others, going to the park and planning a day out with the dogs...

7. What famous people intrigue you? Jesus (I am not religious but people go bonkers over him!), Dalai Lama, and Dennis Kuchinich.

[bunnylogic]

Ok now me!

1. What part of the newspaper do you read first? Entertainment / Style section

2. What are three books you've read in the past year? Wasted by Marya Hornbacher; Jane Eyre (again); Working Stiff: misadventures of an accidental sexpert

3. As a child, what did you do in your free time? draw

4. What's a goal that has been on your list for a few years? to become a fitness maniac - not happening

5. What do you actually do with your free time? [This is perhaps the most helpful question. I finally switched careers from law to writing when it dawned on me that I was always writing books in my free time.] Watch TV

6. What types of activities energize you? Working out at the gym

7. What famous people intrigue you? President Obama, Larry David

[Mike Vardy]

Alright, Gretchen...I'll play:

1. What part of the newspaper do you read first? The birth announcements, since it's two firsts in one.

2. What are three books you've read in the past year? The Audacity of Hope (true story), The Hitchhiker's Guide To The Galaxy (true story) and The Back Of The Napkin. Not the book, but the back of the napkin I have right here at my desk.

3. As a child, what did you do in your free time? Modeled, actually.

4. What's a goal that has been on your list for a few years? To spread Eventualism far and wide. I plan to make it an ongoing work in progress.

5. What do you actually do with your free time? Think about this question.

6. What types of activities energize you? Meditation and building Transformers.

7. What famous people intrigue you? Stephen Colbert and myself. Also Merlin Mann, but he's not that famous.

That felt better. Thanks!

[Karen Leland - Huffpost Blogger]

Gretchen:

Loved this! The questions were great and it's so true that what we love may not be someone else's thing and vice-versa.

I love musical theater, my husband loves golf - go figure :-)