¡ASK A MEXICAN!: Special Mormon Edition

Dear Readers: I usually save reruns of my columna for when I have to smuggle in the latest cousin from the rancho, but the ascendancy of Republic presidential candidate Mitt Romney must be addressed--namely, that he's half-Mexican. The lamestream media is treating this as a revelation--never mind that I addressed this issue during the last presidential campaign. Not only that, many voters fear Romney's Mormon faith. Pendejos: that's the least-scary part of the Romney agenda. So, sin further ado, here's my PSA for Mitt to clear up any confusion--hope you don't win, but I'll expect the ambassadorship to Guatemala for this service if my candidate Alfred E. Neuman doesn't triumph, cabrón.

Dear Mexican: I feel that the more Mexicans who come to this country, the better. I am a Mormon, a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. In our Book of Mormon, on page 54, it says on the left side of the page in verse 6, "There shall none come into this land save they shall be brought by the hand of the Lord." I want as many Mexicans in this country as possible, and then I want to tell them about Joseph Smith and get them baptized and enjoy the blessings of the temple. Come on down--you are welcome by me.

Love My Brown Brothers

Dear Gabacho: Gracias for your welcoming heart, even if your ulterior motive is stealing Mexicans away from the Virgin of Guadalupe for a religion in which Jell-O is the only allowable narcotic. While we're talking about Moroni worshipers, can you do me a favor and ask Mitt Romney why he's such an ingrate toward Mexicans? After all, Romney probably would've been some Jack Mormon jerk-off if it weren't for porous fronteras and living in violation of a country's laws. His great-grandfather Miles Park Romney fled los Estados Unidos for Mexico during the 1880s to escape American authorities and continue his polygamous ways, while Mitt's papi, George, was born in Chihuahua and therefore is more Mexican than your typical Chicano Studies major. Not only that, but Pancho Villa's troops were kind enough to not massacre Mormon colonies during the Mexican Revolution, thus allowing the infant George and his family to return home and ensure Mitt's Brilliantined hair would grace America. One final point, Brown Brothers: por favor, tell Mitt and all other Mexican-hating LDSers that the Book of Mormon requires amnesty for illegals. The above quote you cited came from the Second Book of Nephi and is a wonderful passage, but what about the one before it? 2 Nephi 1:5 tells the Saints that Lehi prophesied about America, "Yea, the Lord hath covenanted this land unto me, and to my children forever, and also all those who should be led out of other countries by the hand of the Lord." Here that, Mitt? Let my gente go--into the United States for the free health care, por supuesto.

I heard Mormonism is a quickly spreading religion down in ye olde Mexico. What is it about this religion that a lot of Mexicans find so fascinating?

Jack Mormón

DEAR Gabacho: Historically? Mexico has long had the second-largest community of Mormons in the world after the United States--official LDS figures estimate 1.2 million members live in Mexico, a significant increase from the 783,000 estimated in 1999. This community has existed for almost 135 years, created after polygamous Mormons who wanted to keep their multiple wives moved down south because, hey, anything goes down Mexico way, right? Sociologically? Mormons are masters of proselytizing--the increase in numbers "shows that a church group can produce a short-term phenomenal growth rate by committing resources to missionary activity," according to Professor James W. Dow in his 2003 scholarly paper "The Growth of Protestant Religions In Mexico and Central America." Theologically? My understanding of Mormonism is that it places an emphasis on the family, encourages couples to have as many children as possible, stresses the dominion of the husband over the family and hates homosexuals. If those attributes aren't appealing to Mexicans, then I'm Moroni himself.

Ask the Mexican at [e-mail], be his fan on Facebook, follow him on Twitter @gustavoarellano or ask him a video question at youtube.com/askamexicano!

 

Comments

[Jacob Durrant]

03:46 PM on 01/23/2012

There are literally millions of Latino Mormons. I think the tension you try to create in this article between Mormons and Latinos is a bit contrived...

[psmithphd]

12:12 PM on 01/23/2012

Dear Gustavo:

I am sorry that you have been misinformed about the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. I'm sure, being an honest person, that you want to acquire an accurate understanding. Just a few points.

*We do not worship the prophet Moroni.

*One of my sons-in-law is a Mexican and LDS. He is a wonderful person.

*Many Mexicans have come as legal immigrants. Mitt Romney is all for this process.

*The Church does not stress the dominion of the father in the family. He presides but as an equal partner with his wife. In good Church homes there is consensus management and love.

*The Church does not hate homosexuals. It favors chastity outside of marriage for all, heterosexual and homosexual. Good LDS members love their homosexual relatives and friends.

Phillip C. Smith, Ph.D.

[Eddie Martinez]

10:08 AM on 01/23/2012

Gustavo, thanks for the telling & funny article on Mitt, a Fan

[Adam Skriver]

05:40 PM on 01/22/2012

Can't we all just get along?

[BlairCase]

12:40 PM on 01/22/2012

The Mormons sent emissaries to Mexico City to negotiate permission to establish Mormon colonies in Chihuahua and Sonora. Since they entered Mexico legally, they didn't need any form of amnesty. They had the same status as other foreign nationals living and working in Mexico. Since both of George Romney parents were U.S. citizens who had been were born in Utah, George was born a U.S. citizen even though he was born in Mexico. At the time George was born, Mexico did not extend citizenship to the children of foreign nationals simply because they were born on Mexican soil. So George was never a Mexican citizen. During the Mexican Revolution, Pancho Villa, who intended to end foreign ownership of land in Mexico, drove the Romneys out of Mexico along with hundreds of other foreign nationals. The Romneys had no immigration issues to resolve when they returned to the United States in 1912 because they were all U.S. citizens.

[Augusto Conde]

01:45 PM on 01/22/2012

The Romney-Pratt clan did not go to Mexico to simply take a job, they were fugitives from American justice. Not only was Mitt's father born in Mexico so was his grandfather. I guarantee you, in a similar circumstance the grandchildren of Latino fugitives would not be welcomed to the United States as citizens.

[BlairCase]

03:59 PM on 01/22/2012

Mitt's grandfather Gaskell Romney was born in Utah. but moved to Mexico as a child. His grandmother Anna Pratt was also born in Utah and moved to Mexico as a child. They were both U.S. citizens. The Mormons who moved to Mexico were not fugitives. They had the choice of renouncing polygamy or leaving the country. They opted to leave the country. (Polygamy was illegal in Mexico as well as the United States, but the Mexican government agreed to tolerate polygamy in the Mormon colonies.) The United States accepted tens of thousands of Mexicans refugees who fled revoutionary violence in Mexico. (The largest refugee camp was at El Paso.) Many of these refugees received work permits that permitted them to work and reside in the United States. Their descendants became U.S. citizens. New Mexico Governor Susana Martinez' grandfather was one of those who crossed over to El Paso during the revolution. He never became a U.S. citizens, but he obtained and continually renewed his work permits until he died. Before the revolution, El Paso harbored many political refugees, including Francisco Madero and Pancho Villa.

[BlairCase]

05:13 PM on 01/22/2012

Mitt's paternal grandfather Gaskell Romney was born in Utah. Mitt's maternal grandfather Harold Arundel LaFount was born in England, became a U.S. citizen, and never lived in Mexico. The Romney-Pratt clan weren't fugitives. They had the option of renouncing polygamy and remaining in the United States, or moving to Mexico so they could continue to practice polygamy. They opted to move to Mexico.farmed Prior to the Mexican Revolution, the United States sheltered thousands of Mexican fugitives. (Revolutionary leaders Pancho Villa, Francisco Madero and Abraham Gonzales lived openly in San Antonio and El Paso.) During the Mexican Revoution, the United States accepted hundreds of thousands of Mexican refugees who fled across the Rio Grande to escape recolutionary violence. Tens of thousands of these refugees never went home. They obtain work permits that permitted them to work and reside permanently in the United States. (New Mexico's Governor Susana Martinez' grandfather was one of the refugess who lived out his life in El Paso.) Their descendants are are now U.S. citizens. Today, the United States continues to take in tens of thousands of legal Mexican immigrants each year. According to the Pew Hispanic Center, one in 10 people born in Mexico now lives in the United States.

ttp://www.pewhispanic.org/2009/07/22/ii-no-evidence-mexican-immigrants-are-leaving/