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H. Alan Scott
H. Alan Scott is a writer/comedian based in Los Angeles. His work has appeared on Vice, MTV, Thought Catalog, Fusion, Daily Dot, OUT, Chicago Tribune, Towleroad, and Time Out New York's "Joke of the Week." He co-hosts the only Golden Girls podcast you'll ever need to listen to, Out on the Lanai. He chronicled his cancer and chemo with #Chemocation, currently being made into a book. Oprah said his name.


Entries by H. Alan Scott

This Dude Takes Naked Instagram Pics With Burritos and It's Kind of Everything (NSFW)

(0) Comments | Posted May 11, 2016 | 5:20 PM

There are two things that are a staple of Instagram, food pictures and people wearing next to nothing. Typically the two aren't synonymous, except for in the case of @BurritoFever, where Brooklyn based artist, Charlie Quiroz, combines his two loves, burritos and exhibitionism.

"I really do love...

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I Can't Wait to Get My Friends Back After This Election is Over

(7) Comments | Posted April 6, 2016 | 9:17 AM

I miss my friends. Last year they were normal people. They would post pictures of their pets, or what they were eating, maybe the occasional yoga pose. (Stop posting yoga poses) Those were the days. Now they're posting a sexist meme about Hillary Clinton, or saying how a reality TV...

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How Will Democrats Beat Donald Trump? Look to 1912.

(16) Comments | Posted March 3, 2016 | 10:25 AM

Imagine a presidential candidate using language so incendiary, so unorthodox for a person seeking such a prestigious office, that it catches the electorate off guard. But instead of repulsing voters, as the "play it safe" establishment assumes it will, it excites them, electrifies them, inspires them to go out and...

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How CrossFit (and a Little Cancer) Helped Me Grow a Little Bit... Down There

(0) Comments | Posted August 3, 2015 | 1:20 PM

Looking up at the height of the ropes, stretching some 25 feet from the ground, I could clearly see how I would die. I wasn't having any of it. I was 12 years old, fat, and confident enough to tell the adult in charge of this high-ropes challenge (forced upon...

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7 Reasons Why Your Tinder Match Won't Respond

(1) Comments | Posted July 23, 2015 | 4:03 PM

If you've ever used Tinder, then this has happened to you.

You get a notification, "You have a match!" A ping of excitement is felt in your stomach, maybe this is the one you privately think.

You see the match after opening the app and remember why you swiped right...

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Hey Ladies, Men Hate Their Butts Too, OK?

(4) Comments | Posted June 19, 2015 | 3:23 PM

I don't feel sexy. At least not conventionally so. I like who I see in the mirror, but when I look down I see someone different. It's like from the front I'm H. Alan Scott, cool 32-year-old Hollywood guy, but looking down I'm Kathy Bates' body double.

I was always...

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Attacking a Gay Engineer Won't Un-Crash That Train

(1) Comments | Posted May 18, 2015 | 10:24 AM

If you just read the headlines, you'd think Amtrak 188 derailed because of a mentally unstable 32-year-old gay engineer from Queens who had a need -- a need for speed.

My mother read a headline from the St. Louis Post-Dispatch that went into the engineer's past. It read that Brandon...

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How to Tell Your Tinder Date You Had Cancer

(0) Comments | Posted May 4, 2015 | 4:58 PM


Before I was diagnosed with testicular cancer, my doctor thought the pain might be an STD. I told him that was highly unlikely, because, you know, you usually have to have sex to get a sexually transmitted disease.

Many people dealing with cancer...

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The Supreme Court Could Kill Thousands of People This Week

(0) Comments | Posted March 3, 2015 | 2:46 PM


Did you know that 7.5 million people could lose their health insurance this week? True story. It's because of King v. Burwell, a case before the Supreme Court involving four tiny little words in the Affordable Care Act (aka...

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How Jerking Off Got Me Through Chemo

(1) Comments | Posted February 3, 2015 | 4:39 AM


First they tell you you have cancer. Fine, that sucks. Then they say you're going to need chemo. OK, not fun. Oh, and you're going to lose your hair. Whatever, it's just hair. Anything else? Nothing? Oh wait, you're also going to need...

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Movember Mustache Diary: Man's Best Friend Hates Cancer Too [VIDEO]

(0) Comments | Posted November 3, 2014 | 4:56 PM

In 2012 I was diagnosed with testicular cancer. Then, after chemo in 2013, I was diagnosed with post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of my treatment.

I had family and friends for support, not to mention a ton of drugs to keep me alive, but none of that could top the best medicine I had: my dog, Virgil.

The health benefits of pets have been scientifically studied for years, but as anyone who has a pet knows, the bond goes much deeper than a study. In moments when there are no words to describe your pain or sadness, or any other of the number of problems that come from being sick, that pet looks you in the eye and somehow miraculously gives you the comfort you needed.

That's why this Movember Virgil and I are bro'ing out and getting our shave on.

WATCH Man's Best Friend Hates Cancer Too

Testicular cancer is the most common form of cancer in young men between the ages of 15 and 35. The second-most common form of cancer among men in the United States is prostate cancer. A diagnosis of cancer is often a cause of mental health problems down the road, of which 15 million American adults are diagnosed with each year.

Facts like these are the reasons that Movember exists.


The Movember Foundation is the official global charity challenging men to grow moustaches to change the face of men's health. Come November 1st, men across the world shave clean and start bro'ing out, aka growing out their mustache, in support of men's health. It's not about the beard. Beards don't start conversations; guys grow them the rest of the year. It's all about the 'stache!

Movember mustaches start conversations, which lead to men getting checkups, which leads to detecting cancer early. They're a walking billboard of support for Movember to raise vital funds and awareness for prostate cancer, testicular cancer and mental health.

Visit to sign up to be a MoBro or MoSista. Grow that stache, ask family & friends to support you, and attend one of the thousands of events happening around the world during November.

I'll be keeping a Movember Mustache Diary all month in posts on MTV Act and Huffington Post and tweeting with #Chemocation at @HAlanScott.

Join my team! NerdMelt is one of LA's hottest comedy venues (and the home of Comedy Central's The Meltdown with Jonah and Kumail). So hot that we just had to have a team. Join and then come to the special Movember show on November 22nd.

You can have an impact on men's health. Sign up at to grow a mustache and join the movement.

Photos (H. Alan Scott, Movember)

This post originally appeared on MTV Act....

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There's a 72-Hour Imposed Waiting Period for Abortions (And This Is Why You Need to Know About It)

(2) Comments | Posted October 30, 2014 | 12:51 PM

Imagine going to the doctor for whatever reason. He or she diagnoses the problem and the two of you mutually agree upon a desirable option to solve the problem. Then, right when you're about to take care of it, she says, "Oh, now you're going to have to wait three...

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Gay Guys Can Do Better Than the Word 'Basic' Too

(0) Comments | Posted October 23, 2014 | 2:18 PM

I hear it all the time amongst my gay friends, "She's a basic bitch," or just, "Basic." The use of the insult has become borderline epidemic, and I am not really sure why. First of all, it's not really our word to use, and second, it's a pretty...

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I'm Not Sure If I Was Sexually Assaulted or Not: On Men and Date Rape

(0) Comments | Posted October 21, 2014 | 4:56 PM

Trigger warning

I've never been in a situation where I thought I could be raped. I'm a big guy, strong, how could I be raped? Until the moment when my legs were in the air, totally vulnerable, looking into the eyes of a man insistent on fucking me, did I...

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World Suicide Prevention Day: The Conversation We Need to Have Now

(1) Comments | Posted September 10, 2014 | 1:20 PM

Today is World Suicide Prevention Day, a day to engage in a global conversation about depression, suicide, and what all of us can do about it.

For this reason, I want to share my story -- because depression impacts all of us, even the funny ones. Including me.


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Oh capitán, mi capitán: muchas gracias, Robin Williams

(1) Comments | Posted August 13, 2014 | 1:01 AM

Era un viernes, 8 de marzo de 1996. Yo tenía 13 años y no había salido del armario. Mi familia decidió ir a ver a la última película de Robin Williams, Una jaula de grillos. Yo estaba aterrorizado.

Sabía que era una película de gays en la que...

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O Captain, My Captain: Thank You, Robin Williams

(4) Comments | Posted August 11, 2014 | 9:25 PM

It was Friday, March 8, 1996. I was 13 years old and closeted. My family decided to see the new Robin Williams film, The Birdcage. I was terrified.

I knew it was a gay film and that he played part of a gay couple, alongside Nathan Lane. Knowing this scared...

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#ColbyDoesAmerica: What Gay Porn Star Colby Keller Is Doing to Change the Art World

(0) Comments | Posted July 8, 2014 | 4:09 PM

What is art? Like really, in this day and age, how do we perceive art and artists? Frankly, how the hell do we find it? Sex, being the primary focus of every major current media platform, has always been a powerful tool in art, so is that the new form...

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What It Feels Like When You Know You Have Cancer

(0) Comments | Posted June 5, 2014 | 3:55 PM

A piece of advice for when you encounter somebody who has had cancer: Yes, the big C is pretty friggin' big, and it's great when you get through it one piece, but I didn't survive anything, I lived.

Every person with cancer has two options: do what the doctors...

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'Mr. Show' with Bob and David Inspires LA Artists

(0) Comments | Posted May 16, 2014 | 7:58 PM

Ask any comedian and the response is basically universal: Mr. Show with Bob and David is hands down one of the best, and underrated, sketch comedy shows ever to air on television.

Having originally aired on HBO from 1995 to 1998, Mr. Show, starring Bob Odenkirk (of recent Breaking Bad...

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