Have you ever noticed that when you have a thought, feel a feeling or hold a belief, you often carry thoughts, feelings and beliefs that are diametrically opposed to it as well? For example, if you're very angry with someone, you may also feel love for them -- or maybe just a desire to feel love for them -- at the same time. Or, if you're certain something is right for you or someone you know, there may also be feelings of doubt that there's something you're missing or not so sure about.
You get the picture.
It seems to be human nature, or perhaps just a cultural phenomenon, to pretend we clearly know which point of view or belief is the best one and then to vehemently defend, justify, explain and try to prove why this perspective is right and all others are wrong. The thing is, when we do this, we can get very stuck and actually prolong the natural process of selection that we call decision making.
Decision-Making 101
Let's examine how decisions happen. Most people think they discuss, debate or figure out the best action to take and then they take it. Well, it's not quite that simple. If you notice what's happening inside you when you try and make a decision, determine the best path or know what's correct for you, it's a very different process.
What happens is that you experience conflicting thoughts, feelings and beliefs arising together in consciousness -- either in polite debate with one another or having a full-blown cat fight. Once a point of view prevails over the other conflicting ones, you say you have decided. In my experience, that's not what's happened at all. Instead, the conflicting energies have temporarily subsided and we proceed as though we've decided. This gives us the illusion of being the decider.
You Are Not The Decider
The problem with thinking we're the one who has decided is twofold. First, since we're assuming we've decided even though that's not what's actually happened, we may find ourselves disappointed when our "decision" does not always go the way we planned. Also, because the thoughts and feelings that did not prevail have only gone temporarily underground, they often re-emerge at an awkward time and create renewed conflict. Or, they may continue to run in the background of your subconscious -- subtly or not so subtly -- sabotaging your efforts to move in the direction "you" have decided to go.
I'd like to share with you two ways to resolve the inner conflicts we all experience in a more masterful way.
1) Stop being the inner traffic cop.
Take a moment to think of a decision you're trying to make, and instead of doing the usual inner or outer debate, experiment with this exercise instead. Allow yourself to simply welcome all the conflicting thoughts, feelings and beliefs you have about the conflict to come up into your awareness. And, just for a few moments, stop playing favorites or trying to be the "traffic cop" and simply let them have at it with each other.
As you get out of the way, the easier and faster this is. The more you get out of the way, the more you accelerate the process, and the opposing energies on both sides dissipate. Very quickly, you'll find you either become clear with regard to your decision, or you simply find yourself engaged in action, moving forward and feeling a lot lighter and much more conflict-free.
2) Allow the conflicting energies to dissolve into each other.
You can also welcome the conflicting thoughts, feelings and beliefs and then, instead of taking sides, allow the opposing energies to simply dissolve into each other. You can do this by welcoming both points of view as best you can. Or you can simply allow the conflicting energies to surrender to each other. This may seem strange, but when we have strong points of view we have invested some sense of identity in them, so they seem to have a mind of their own. If you allow these opposing mini-minds to surrender to each other, they both dissolve, revealing the clear space of awareness that you are.
These techniques are not substitutes for right action or for critical thinking. They are just aids in cutting through your inner clutter. The benefits of doing either technique are far greater than just the ability to accelerate the decision-making process. What you will find is that as you open to this way of making decisions, something inside of you will relax, and you'll find yourself naturally trusting your inner knowingness -- the inner power that is the way.
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This post is based on the principles explored in the new movie, "Letting Go: Transform Your Life, Transform the World." It is the culmination of over three decades of experience with a simple, powerful, elegant and easy-to-learn technique that shows you how to tap your natural ability to let go instantaneously of any uncomfortable or unwanted feeling, thought or belief. For more information, visit www.LettingGo.tv or Sedona.com.
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I was delaying deciding about something, because I didn't want to decide, I did this process, the second one, and the decision appeared clear and easy in front of me, no struggling with the other option.
Thank you, after 2 weeks I finally didn't even had to decide, I think that this is the best part of this process, the decision was made itself.
I am glad you found this to the point. That is my intent with my posts... to cut through to the bottom line. When you release the inner obsticles clarity follows.
Love,
Hale
You seem to look at decision making as a process of resolution of different ideas or
thoughts, but you also mention inner-knowing, which hints that there is always a level
of knowing whichdecision is the best one to make. If there is indeed such a level of what is called
intuition, then that it is where we should put our attention.
I could say for myself, right now I happen to be in sort of a make or break decision. I was taking
a step back from identifying with either the pros and the cons of what is at hand, but
still I keep feeling this tension right from the moment the issue came up. So it's kind
od funny to know that deep inside I know what is right for me....and yet I hesitate and
take my time.... Any suggestion on letting go of the tension that I feel?
thanks, Avshalom
The tension obscures your intutive knowingness. So I would recommend that you simply allow yourself to feel as tense as you do and then as relaxed as you do about the decsion. As you go back and forth between both sides and allow them to flow into or dissolve into eachother you will find that which is beyond both. This will also help you to uncover your intution.
Love,
Hale
Stage 1: Observe feeling and facts, understands without judgement.
Stage 2: Formulate hypothetical decisions.
Stage 3: Play the hypotheticals against the observations.
Stage 4 Let the most validated be the decision.
Stage 5: Constant revionse your decision as new observations emerges together with the old as the consequence of the decision unfold.
This is also a very valad way of making decisions. I would recommend that you try using both but release the feeling first using the processed I outlined in the post.
Love,
Hale
Thanks so much for this. I've been working with a situation in trying to make a decision - so this is really helpful. I worked with letting the thoughts dissolve into each other, and right now there's a feeling to not take any action. It's not time, more pieces have to come into place and that feels right. So now I can laugh about it.
Blessings,
Nicole
I am glad it was helpful.
Love,
Hale