How Funny Are Australian Burritos?

10/12/2011 03:10 pm ET | Updated Jun 14, 2012

I just spent the last month gigging at the Adelaide Festival in Australia. Whenever I'm away from San Francisco, the one thing I crave the most is a Mission burrito; huge, tasty and measuring the size of a baby's head. I always know if I eat a burrito outside of the 415 I'll be sadly disappointed--let alone in the "Land Down Under." Australian transplant, and former San Francisco comedian, Arj Barker says, "I just steer clear of the Mexican food in Australia."

But temptation and curiosity got the best of me--so on assignment for the Hectic Gourmet,
I had to try an Australian burrito. With plenty of smug ironic detachment, I got the skinny when I laid down some Australian coin at a food stand called Chipotle's.

Question: why are burritos so expensive outside of San Francisco?

Adelaide has roughly three burrito places. The average cost: $10. (In Scotland, burritos sometimes run up to $20.)

Handing over my $10 to a surly bloke in a tank top listening to metal music, I got something roughly the size of a baby's thumb that was glossed in guacamole with a spatula and spiced with a substance resembling ketchup. The beef burrito lacked the traditional "arrachera" cut of carne asada flank steak; giving this sad satire of Mexican food the consistency of an Ortega taco. The final result was like a cardboard parody of burrito wrapped in a dry shell; tiny, tasteless, and very unsatisfying--it would take four of these puppies to quench a hungry San Francisco appetite.

Nice try my Australian amigos--but nothing can beat a Mission burrito.

What's the worst burrito experience you've ever had? Was it a wet burrito in Wisconsin? Or maybe a carnitas burrito in Casablanca. Let us know!

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