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San Francisco Craigslist Roommate Nightmares

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The thought of finding a roommate on Craigslist would scare the holy beejeebies out of me. What a long drive down the road to crazy town. The red flags are usually right smack in the Craigslist ads. Imagine sharing your uttermost intimate space with a random stranger. The soaring rent costs in San Francisco makes us slaves to these people.

How can you predict what lies ahead with your potential future roommate -- without taking a housemate equivalent of a virtual real estate tour? Read between the lines of the Craigslist ad. So let's revisit some more Craigslist Nightmares -- watch out, there's red flag trouble ahead!

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$650 -- room, room, room (pittsburg / antioch)

Willing to barter for room or partial rent or all rent. Welcome all offers however random. One time someone offered to be a house mouse / sex slave. Worked out for a week took some great photo's in the studio.

A little about this place, bar and hot tub...

Also if interested in having a private butler, let me know if you're willing to barter...

RED FLAG: Hmmmm? Willing to barter for the room? What about this deal: You quit creeping the f*ck out of me -- and I'll pay my rent on time. Can we barter for that?

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$200 Looking for girl to share my room with me! READ ON! (campbell)

Hello there,

...I am a guy and I am looking for a cool girl who is looking for a place, and share a room with me!... NOT a sexual situation at all!...

...If you are looking to share a room,... you pay only $200 a month......... Again this is NOT a sexual situation and I am not a weirdo,.. crazy, or.. loser.....

RED FLAG: It's ENTIRELY about sex.

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$300 Shared housing, lookin for a fun female roommate :-) (san jose north)

Hello,

And what I am looking for is a roommate that is single, (or at least not attached to someone), and would love to live in a home for very little rent and also would love to share the same bed a few nights a week ;-) hehehe... You wouldn't just be renting a room, you would be renting a whole home for only $300 per month,,, If you're interested, send some pictures.

RED FLAG: Okay which pictures should I sent? Will it be the photo of me calling 911 after be harassed by sexual predator roommate or the photo of myself pepper spraying my roommate after I tell him "no means no?" Hehehe.

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$50 cheap rent and servant

I enjoy financially taking care of women and being a servant to them. I am willing to provide free rent and complete control over the household and over me. You would have no obligation, sexual or otherwise. If this interests you, please email me.

RED FLAG: Expect loud screaming when sexual obligations are not fulfilled.

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FREE RENT PLUS AMENITIES IN EXCHANGE FOR GFE-FANTASTIC HOME

Broken up and broken down about a girl I was totally in love with and I can't take living alone. Anyway, I'm looking for, searching for, hoping for, a young, pretty, female who is somewhat "normal" in shape, not insane; someone to dote on and care about, whom I can take care of, be with, maybe even fall in love with. If you think that I am placing this ad simply for the sake of having a sexual partner, you are mistaken. I want complete companionship and that includes emotional bonds. Ideally, if things work out, we can make it "legal" with "I do's"

I'll pay all the rent, all the utilities, room and board (food, etc) and I will do special things for you (buy you flowers on occasion, write you poems) to make you feel wanted and needed.

Please send a photo and describe yourself. Tell me what you want/need... Please be serious and reliable. And be over your ex. In return, shall make you the most special person in my life.

RED FLAG: So when you're standing at the bottom of the well hidden in the basement -- just remember, "Put the lotion in the basket!" Do some email archiving of your transaction -- so there's a record for the police!

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$700 / 100ft² - Shoreline Dr. - share 2BR - $$ neg. (alameda)

(What follows is an excerpt of a 10,000 word Craigslist Roommate Wanted ad manifesto.)

The walls are made of material that makes paper look like high quality building material. You think that's funny, until the cops show up at 8 p.m. on Wednesday evening with a noise complaint from the neighbors, when all you were doing was sharing a glass of wine with three friends for dinner, telling jokes in normal indoor voices, and without any amplified music!!!

The carpet is ancient, decrepit, and beyond its useful life. Just proves the old saying, you can't polish a turd. The building owners are exactly the kind of greedy jerks that you occasionally encounter in this dog-eat-dog world.

Briefly, I moved into this apartment around 1999 after separating from my X; darling daughter was a pre-schooler then. Truckloads of very profound memories for me.

So the available bedroom in question still has all my daughter's childhood belongings within, pretty much as she left them the last time she slept here, several years ago. She currently lives in SF City with her mom, but I haven't had any visitation in a couple years.

The bedroom still needs to be cleared, packed up, cleaned, painted, etc., to make it usable for you. I could do this myself, but it would be emotionally gut-wrenching. Thus, I am perfectly willing to SUBSTANTIALLY reduce the first month's rent if you clean the room to your own specification at your own leisure.

RED FLAG: If someone uses a Craigslist ad as therapy, does a healthy roommate scenario usually follow? Why does looking for a roommate suddenly make me want to cry?

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FREE ROOM FOR FEMALE

44 y/o white, male, looking for your company,

you will have your own room +bath,

nothing sexual !!

RED FLAG: It's nothing BUT sexual.