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Harriet Lerner
Psychologist Harriet Lerner is one of our nation's most loved and respected relationship experts. She is the author of many scholarly articles and popular books including The New York Times bestseller, The Dance of Anger, and Marriage Rules: A Manual For The Married and The Coupled Up. Follow Harriet on twitter @HarrietLerner and on Rules.

Entries by Harriet Lerner

Now Let Us Praise Fred Phelps: How He Helped Topeka, Kansas

(4) Comments | Posted March 21, 2014 | 9:15 AM

Fred Phelps is dead, and few will mourn his absence. As you undoubtedly know, Fred made it his spiritual mission and full-time job to eradicate homosexuality from the planet, starting in the town I lived in for most of my adult life -- Topeka Kansas.

From the start, Fred had...

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The Top 10 Reasons Women Re-Marry The Wrong Guys

(559) Comments | Posted July 7, 2012 | 3:30 AM

If you're in the emotional aftermath of divorce, the last thing on your mind may be coupling up again. Even the thought of going on a date may be as appealing as a plate of overcooked liver dressed with dry brussels sprouts.

Still, you just might find yourself back...

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Returning To Your Wedding Vows

(0) Comments | Posted March 30, 2012 | 7:24 PM

Spring has sprung and love is in the air. I'm reminded of the marriage vows that two young people said out loud to each other last April in front of their community of family and friends -- vows so lovely that I opened my book, "Marriage Rules," with...

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Overcoming Your Listening Disorder

(4) Comments | Posted March 13, 2012 | 6:22 PM

How you talk and listen defines how your marriage goes and whether or not your partner is happy to see you at the end of the day. It comes as no surprise that most of us are more motivated to improve our talking skills than to attend to the other...

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12 Simple Steps For A Sustainable Marriage

(31) Comments | Posted January 11, 2012 | 12:41 PM

January has a bad rap for both low temperatures and high divorce filings. But January also inspires New Year's resolutions and fresh starts. Here's how you can give your relationship the best chance of succeeding. If you're not one to make New Year's resolutions, just think of what follows as...

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Waiting For An Apology? Don't Hold Your Breath

(41) Comments | Posted January 5, 2012 | 12:50 PM

If you're married to an entrenched non-apologizer, it won't help to doggedly demand one. Some folks lack the self-esteem required to take responsibility for their less than honorable behaviors, feel remorse, and offer a heartfelt apology. And many people are so hard on themselves for the mistakes they make, they...

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'He Can't Vacuum The Rug, His Penis Will Get In The Way'

(1) Comments | Posted December 31, 2011 | 12:51 PM

A cartoon tacked up in my therapy consulting room shows a dog and a cat in bed together. The dog is looking morose and reading a book called "Dogs who Love too Much."
The cat is saying, "I'm not distancing! I'm a cat, damn it!"

I love this cartoon,...

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