Real Women: Ready For Their Close-up

Washington, DC

The news that the Obama family might be getting a Portuguese Water Dog was so exciting at my house, which is owned by a pair of Portuguese Water Dogs, that I nearly missed the big story of the weekend: It appears that a mature movie star has realized that playing opposite a teeny-tiny young actress might make him look stupid, fat and old.

Naturally the studio is denying that Russell Crowe's age, girth and weathered visage (Crowe's-feet!) were a factor in deciding to release Sienna Miller from "Nottingham," but I am thrilled to imagine that such a story might be true.

Are producers really "looking for an older, plumper actress to play the role so [Crowe] doesn't look like a paunchy grandpa. Someone in her late 30s or early 40s" as the story claims? What a wonderful day this must be for all the old girls in Hollywood. I can see them having extra carbs for lunch, canceling their spin classes and Botox treatments. Maybe they're calling the Enquirer to come and capture their cottage-cheese thighs on the beach in Malibu!

Does this mean that we'll see more pairings of box-office beefcake with age-appropriate actresses? Perhaps the economy has gotten so bad that the marketing machine has figured out that women (of all ages, who buy lots of movie tickets) really do think it is pretty gross to watch an old guy romancing an actress who looks like a teenage girl. Maybe the young actresses who are trying so hard to preserve their pre-pubescent looks will finally feel empowered to grow up, and out.

First, a black man is about to become our president and now middle-aged actresses are considered legitimate Hollywood love interests - 2009 is already shaping up to be a fantastic year. I could go on and on, but Onda and Lilly are demanding to be fluffed up and taken for a nice, long walk, downtown, near the Hay-Adams Hotel, just in case Sasha and Malia look out the window and see how adorable they are and decide that they really, really want a Portuguese Water Dog and then Porties will rule over all the dogs in the whole world. Take that, Labradoodles.

Comments

[Mizfitz]

Perhaps it would be easier, and more realistic (even tho this is a fable) if they re-cast Robin and put Russell in the Friar Tuck role. Sorry Russell - I love ya no matter what size you are - you will always be a hot mess to me!

[sheriwriter]

If true it is about time! Although 30's-40's is not "old". Let's see more women in their 50's and 60's playing love interest for our older actors such as DeNiro, Nichalson, Eastwood, etc. There are lots of intelligent, sexy and attractive grandmas out here. And no, we're not all sag and wrinkle free but inner-beauty, acceptance of oneself, experience, talent, charm, and compassion are as sexy or sexier than just firm skin and a yourful bloom.

[Isabelle17]

Although, at least according to what seems like an endless supply of articles on dating written by older women, the older man/younger woman pairing is in fact more realistic. Of course men should want women their own age, but it certainly seems as though they do not, on film or in real life.

[AnAverageAmerican]

Just because people grow old does not mean they grow up. If a man or woman is dating someone 20 years their senior 9 times out of ten the older person has not matured emotionally or mentally, only physically, whereas you have a 20 year old mentality in a 40 year old body. And how accomplished they are career wise has nothing to do how accomplished they are in personal relationships. I do believe on a rare occasion a bond between two people can surpass age, but for the most part it is just an unwillingness to grow up.

[ConstanceReader]

Devil's advocate: So you're saying that age-appropriateness should trump historical accuracy? Remember, the movie is set in a time period when well-born girls routinely married men old enough to be their fathers and grandfathers, and often much younger than Ms. Sienna really is or plays in the film.

[viewfromuphere]

yeh...and let's also remember that Robin Hood is a folk legend...n­ot a real guy...

[Isabelle17]

Hey - there's no need to take it out on the real Robin Hood! ;) He didn't cast the film

[Heather Frank - Huffpost Blogger]

That's a good point, but I'm not sure historical accuracy was the rationale for the decision to look for a leading lady who'll make Crowe look more dashing. I just thought it was refreshing that someone -- even if it was for the wrong reasons -- recognized how silly some of these pairings look to many of us. Thanks for taking the time to comment.

[ailbhe]

I agree with your article, I much prefer to see fifty year old men paired with women closer to their own age. It looks creepy when you see them successfully wooing someone young enough to be their daughter.

In real life only rich men can grab someone thirty years their junior, their renting!