Humanity in 7 pieces

05/15/2015 01:01 pm ET | Updated May 15, 2016


Once born, we are all a piece of it. Unless, of course, you sign the opt-out form at the hospital.

But really, do we understand what it means to be a part of humanity?

Yes, it is true that we all enjoy using our opposable thumbs. Not sure how else I would have thumb wars with myself without them.

Go ahead. Try it. You know you want to.

Well, now that that is done, let's move on.

In an effort to simplify it for myself, and you, the reader and fellow human, I have broken our humanity down into seven pieces. We will go in backwards order as it seems like it would be more exciting to get to number 1 than to get to number 7.

These are the pieces that make us a part of humanity. Maybe we can't agree on everything, but I know that we can all agree on #3 (don't you jump ahead!).

7. How much we care. About our Instagram accounts and how many followers we have accrued.

It is an age old tradition of humans to care about things. We can find our humanity in many of the things that we care about. This is one of them. Another one is how we care about getting a pimple on our faces on a big day, or even just on a Tuesday. Nothing brings out our humanity like the knowledge that the people who care about us all know the pain of waking up with a fat pimple on their faces. And that those who don't know that pain, we all hate. Together.

6. Our need for socks. No matter what sex, race or religion, we all need to wear socks at some point. Warm dry socks after getting drenched in a rain storm, high socks to wear in the winter times under our boots, little sock booties that barely peek out from under our sneakers. And sometimes, even socks with sandals (that's right, Rob. I am talking to you. I don't agree with it, but I love you anyway).

Our affection and need for socks can bring us all together as humans. Even if they are worn with sandals.

5. The fact that none of us know what to say about the following three random pictures:




4. Our agreement on things that are just obvious. At least 96% of the people polled in NYC would agree that J.Lo always wears it best. Always. Just stop wearing the same outfits as her. She is going to win.

3. Our belief that the world was a better place when Saved by the Bell, Macgyver and Alf were still on the air. Where high school was fun and frivolous (except for what happened to Jesse that one time) and Macgyver preferred to fight people with non-threatening weapons such as oranges and lightbulbs, and we also lived quite happily with the aliens that landed in our yards.

2. Our mutual love of playing games such as monopoly where we learn the meaning of quality time as we fight over the "actual" rules of the game, feel the fear of landing on someone else's hoteled properties, and understand the true frustration of knowing that you will not be winning the game, but it is still going to continue on for another three hours where you must watch your opponent build their empire upon your sweet, sweet tears.

And finally,

1. The largest piece of humanity. Obviously. Our kindness. Like how when we see pregnant women get on the train, instead of closing our eyes and pretending that we have fallen asleep, we get up and give them our spot.

Or at least we hand them our bags to hold on their backs in order to equal out the weight.

Now that is humanity.