Ten Days to a Totally P.C. Toddler

06/16/2015 04:09 pm ET | Updated Jun 16, 2016
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Is your toddler embarrassing you with his or her inability to grasp basic societal concepts? Have you noticed your daughter just playing with her babies and totally ignoring the "boy toys" in the house? Is your son consumed with making his army guys fight and only using the babies to bang against the wall?

Well, we have the solution for you. With our guidance, we will show you how to make your toddler totally p.c. in less than a week.

No longer will you have to apologize to your friends when your son ignores available bathrooms and unapologetically pees in their yard, just because he has come to realize that he can aim at the tree.

No more will you have to make excuses when your daughter wants to put pretty bows in her hair and shows no interest in the sports equipment that you have strategically placed all around her bedroom, shaking your head apologetically at friends as they fearfully comment, "wow-she is such a girl..."

We know that it is embarrassing when your child doesn't understand what society wants from them.

We are here to help save you, and your children, from the countless and unavoidable humiliating comments, youtube videos and tweets that will ruin his or her chances of running for president in thirty two years.

With these foolproof tips, your toddler will be the most politically correct kid in town.

Our guide will cover daily activity support:

Taking a walk and your son is running ahead of you, adventuring, picking up leaves and not even counting how many he has gathered for data and assessment? What a waste of time. Get him used to assessment before it is too late!

We will happily teach him that none of the leaves that he has picked up matter unless they have been measured by our set of random made-up criteria. And our foolproof "give them chocolate" reward system is enacted every time he gathers leaves that fit more precisely into our criteria list.

We guarantee that within one week, your son will learn our system.

And thank goodness, just enjoying picking up those leaves without measuring how good he was at doing it, will never be fun for him again.

Classes available to teach your child:

Is your daughter a bit too comfortable in her pretend kitchen? Laughing and enjoying and contentedly making you all sorts of fake food? What is this, the 1950's? Immediate career boot camp. Get her out of the kitchen and into the workforce! She will be twice as busy and if all goes well, she will never enjoy being in the kitchen again.

Full day classes at our facility including such hot topics as:

• Power suit 101-How to wear your power suit and eat in it too. An informational session on being a lady in the workforce, and also tips on how to not spill food on yourself (ages 1-3 only).

• Like the kitchen? Be a chef.

• Babies-they aren't just for girls to play with so go take a walk or something: a comprehensive guide taught by stay-at-home dads, uncles and grandpas. Topics include:
-- Cry it out-yes, let's do that. I will be asleep anyway.
-- No, that is not too high for them to climb. You are too overprotective.
-- And finally, the When I was your age... speeches: a lesson on how ungrateful you are for all that you have.

Purchase your guide today and we will include the following bonus items:

For the day your daughter tells you she wants to be a princess, we have included a limited edition of G.I. Jane for her viewing delight.

For the day your son tells you he wants to be a princess, we have included Frozen, Tangled and The Little Mermaid.

The critics are definitely saying stuff about our program, so get in touch with us today. Before it's too late. And we get shut down.

*No refunds. 20% off if you pay in advance.