Wake Up Democrats: You Are Hung up on Barack, but Hillary is What You Need

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As a long-term registered Democrat who increasingly identifies as an independent and has weathered a torrid, post-9/11 love affair with conservatism, I am in a good position to judge Democratic prospects this nominating season. And I think we ought to listen to Mama and let Daddy-o go.

Fellow Democrats, there's something I've been meaning to tell you, but I've been a little uneasy bringing it up. Well, here goes. I don't think Barack Obama is for you. And I think we need to talk about it.

Wait, wait, before you get defensive--just hear me out. I know you love him. I know he's got a lot to offer. He's handsome, brainy, charming, passionate, and your love is brand spankin' new. Of course he wants you madly - who wouldn't? - and you're crazy about him.

But sweeties, listen to me: you don't really know this man.

And that's a big problem.

For starters--and please don't hate me for saying this--he's too young for you. Yes, I know JFK was young, too, but that was a long time ago, the world was simpler then, and anyway, Barack Obama--lovely as he is--is no Jack Kennedy.

When he pursued your nomination, JFK was a war hero. He had served six years in the U.S. House and--count em!--eight years in the U.S. Senate. Barack Obama has served seven years in the Illinois state legislature and three and a half in the U.S. Senate, one of those on the campaign trail. So please wake up and realize this man is not your first love. He may have JFK's charm, but he does not have his level of experience.

Next, you've been acting sort of like groupies lately, and it's getting embarrassing. I mean, crying and fainting when he speaks? What's that about? Are you nominating a President or the next American Idol?

Sure, Barack wants to help the disadvantaged, and students, and cares about energy independence. I hear you. Sure he gets you hot when he looks into your eyes and delivers his stirring speeches. But can he provide for and protect you and your children?

He wants to raise income taxes, social security taxes, and corporate taxes, straight across the board. That is no way to grow an economy.

And--I have to say it--the whole Jeremiah Wright incident really freaked me out.

"God damn America!?!"

Aren't you American? You can try to rationalize it away, sweeties, but that was a major dis--of YOU. And of me. And of every American, black or white, who doesn't believe that our country, for all its faults, is the Antichrist. Since when does a guy who loves you let his friends put you down?

Consider this: your sweetie Barack believes he can solve the world's problems by talking with our enemies. But over twenty years of friendship, he hasn't managed to influence his good friend and "spiritual mentor" Reverend Jeremiah Wright. How's he going to manage Iran's Mahmoud "The-Holocaust-is-a-Myth" Ahmadinejad, whom he has pledged to meet, without preconditions, in the first term of his administration?

He's already taking you for granted. He says he values you, but then he treats everyone who shlepped out to vote in Michigan and Florida like you're invisible. And forget about getting an autograph.

OK, I'm almost finished. Just let me put in a word about Hillary.

I know, I know, you've known her forever, and the newness has worn off. She's like that worn-in pantsuit you borrowed from your Mom, and what's sexy about that? But with her, you know exactly what you're getting.

She's got years of experience. Eight years in the White House advising the President. Trust me, she knows her way around.

She can talk policy till she's red, white, and blue in the face.

She cares about all of you, even those whose votes Howard Dean doesn't want to have count (Howard Dean--I warned you about that guy, too).

She would move heaven and earth to have you. You've got to admire her passion and determination! She cares about people in need around the world. But she also cares about you! She's brainy AND she's shrewd. And she gets the big picture.

She's no fan of war, but she understands that when you're dealing with terrorists like the ones targeting Iraqi civilians and our troops, kumbaya don't cut it. Back in August 2006, even before the surge, she was practically chanting, "Hey hey, ho ho, Donald Rumsfeld's got to go!" because she knew we needed a fresh approach to get our mojo back.

She understands not everyone loves you, and not everyone is nice, and sometimes having hope is not enough. This is important. Because I know you don't like to think about it, but you have enemies.

Lots of people are jealous of your beauty, freedom, and strength, and they are plotting every day to hurt you. She will protect you. Pre-9/11, Bill wasn't as vigilant as he should have been, what with all the philandering. But you don't need to worry about that with her--she's been dreaming about you her whole life, and she'll be faithful.

Wild sex appeal doesn't last. Dedication does.

Besides, from the right angle, I think she's very attractive.

 
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- oncesung I'm a Fan of oncesung 2 fans permalink

Good try, Loser. Go help your fem friend Hillary count her money. And try to teach her to stop lying.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 09:23 PM on 04/05/2008

Funny! Thanks for the effort. Obama supporters are beyond reason and I'm afraid beyond humor.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 09:20 PM on 04/05/2008
- deutchs I'm a Fan of deutchs 3 fans permalink
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Don't you ever talk to me in that tone of voice again. Never ever. This is the most condescending and insulting article I have ever read coming from a democrat. It continues the mantra of elitism and entitlement that Hillary's supporters and Hillary herself have been pushing on us since the beginning of this campaign. Your perspective is deeply flawed. It assumes that your readers are stupid.

I support Obama because of his history, not because I am emotionally beholden to him. Go educate yourself before you try and tell me I am ignorant.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 09:18 PM on 04/05/2008
- Lindy222 I'm a Fan of Lindy222 13 fans permalink

Wow. What an insulting column. As if the only reason anyone could support Sen. Obama is because they're in a state of swoon. But, Ms. Robinson, instead of attempting to persuade those of us who support Sen. Obama that we've taken leave of our senses, perhaps you could devote some of that energy to taking a closer look at him.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 09:16 PM on 04/05/2008

I am tempted to rewrite this article from the point of view of: YOU DON't REALLY KNOW HILLIARY & BILL. We thought we did and they they totally screwed up the party when he was president. The first Clinton presidency was the biggest sucker deal I ever voted for. NOT AGAIN BABY!

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 09:14 PM on 04/05/2008
- deb813 I'm a Fan of deb813 5 fans permalink

I think this is an attempt at sarcasm but just in case it isn't. Hillary has already lost girl. Time to put those dreams on the shelf and vote for the better candidate. Hillary's a shill. Everything you'd hate in a man put into a woman. The only way she can do it is if the fat cats and super delegates steal it for her.

If this was just sarcasm, I do appreciate a nice snarky sarcastic post myself.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 09:11 PM on 04/05/2008

Heather, sweetie, how can what you don't know about Obama frighten you half as much as what you *do* know about Billary? This would seem especially difficult on the day we hear about their $109M of loot they earned for being powermongers with promise, which did well to show the truth in the Randi Rhodes assessment.

Who really needs a wake up call here, Heather, dear?

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 09:09 PM on 04/05/2008
- fitley I'm a Fan of fitley 5 fans permalink
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this is one really lame ass article sweetie. wow

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 09:08 PM on 04/05/2008

Great snark. If they awarded Razzies for campaigning, Hillary would be the clear favorite.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 09:02 PM on 04/05/2008
- JimMichie I'm a Fan of JimMichie 6 fans permalink

Heather, please forgive my bluntness, but I've gotta ask: what have you been smoking? You want Democrats to vote for Billary? You've gotta be kidding. I suggest you check the newspapers today and check out the worth of Billary--$109 million! And she's got the unmitigated nerve to send me and probably every other registered Democrat no less than five emails over the past week asking for fa $5.00 donation to her starved campaign. Not to mention that Hillary just can't seem to stop lying. Another tall wopper today: her false tear-jerker story about the poor pregnant women in Ohio who "was uninsured," was turned away from her community hospital because "she would not pay a $100 fee," and the woman lost her baby and then died. Yes, Heather, the woman did lose her baby and did die, but the rest of Hillary's "big fish story" ? All lies, Heather, all lies. This woman was insured, was under the care of an OB/GYN and was not turned away from her community hospital. She sadly died there while under care. So much for your Hillary, Heather. Have a nice day.

Jim Michie
5407 Glelnwood Road
Bethesda, MD 20817

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 09:01 PM on 04/05/2008

Wow. That was patronizing, thanks. Now just spank me and tell me that I'm a bad girl and I'm pretty much done here.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 09:00 PM on 04/05/2008

This is one really retarded article. Even if I were a Hillary supporter I'd say it sucked.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 08:53 PM on 04/05/2008
- manumoka I'm a Fan of manumoka 2 fans permalink
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I wonder if this was really a disinformation plant by an Obama supporter. It has the opposite effect that it seems to have intended. What are we to make of these lines:

"Trust me, she knows her way around."

"Lots of people are jealous of your beauty, freedom, and strength, and they are plotting every day to hurt you. She will protect you."

"From the right angle, I think she's very attracive."

If this article is serious, it is seriously deficient in facts, new persepctives, and substance. Hillary should immediately denounce and repudiate.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 09:07 PM on 04/05/2008
- dijo I'm a Fan of dijo 4 fans permalink

No, I bet Ms. Robinson dreams about Hillary at night. She adores Hillary. She is great at talking down to poor unintelligent voters like us. We are too stupid to see what is best for us. We think that Hillary is a liar. We think that because she is is all cozy with the corporations that she would let them influence her decisions. We think because she sat on the board of Wal-Mart that she supports NAFTA and thinks it is great to give tax cuts to companies that export our jobs, won't allow unions, treat their workers like crap. We are so actually stupid that we think it is really not okay to have a president who lies to the American people and lets them suffer with poverty while the wall street fat cats are living like kings.
Ms. Robinson thinks that we should denounce Obama for someone else's words, but dismiss Hillary's own words that were total lies.
I know I am totally grateful to Ms. Robinson for helping me to understand because I am just too ignorant to think for myself.
WELL SORRY MS. ROBINSON. I THINK FOR MYSELF. THAT IS WHY I AM A DEMOCRAT AND NOT A REPUBLICAN.
We know Hillary. We KNOW that she will be a horrible president. Hey, I am ready to roll the dice for Obama. He is the like a breath of fresh air compared to the stale old politics of Clinton and McSame.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 10:12 PM on 04/05/2008
- vat6948 I'm a Fan of vat6948 2 fans permalink

By far the worst post I've read in a long time. So Heather was a Democrat, and after 911, she fell in love with the neocon's, now Heather is a Independent? Heather's gone full circle "wow". Dear Heather, thanks for warning for us groupies, we owe-you a big KISS.-------Obama 08

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 09:45 PM on 04/05/2008
- Doofus I'm a Fan of Doofus 25 fans permalink
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'And--I have to say it--the whole Jeremiah Wright incident really freaked me out.

"God damn America!?!"

Aren't you American? You can try to rationalize it away, sweeties, but that was a major dis--of YOU. And of me. And of every American, black or white, who doesn't believe that our country, for all its faults, is the Antichrist. Since when does a guy who loves you let his friends put you down?'

This troubles me too, but I'm not about to lop Obama off at the knees because of what
some guy said. Try to put some context around it instead. Maybe, go read '“God Damn America”
in Black and White By Edward J. Blum, a professor of history at San Diego State University and the author of W. E. B. Du Bois, American Prophet (2007) and Reforging the White Republic: Race, Religion, and American Nationalism, 1865-1898 (2005).' http://hnn.us/articles/48444.html

(You know how this guy thinks if he's writing about W.E.B. Dubois, right, sweeties?)

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 08:51 PM on 04/05/2008

Wow, it sounds like Heather is suffering from a little sleep deprivation of her own.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 08:44 PM on 04/05/2008
- BillZBubb I'm a Fan of BillZBubb 54 fans permalink
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Look, I think Hillary Clinton is the better choice because of the economy. But, I do not wish to be told by someone who admits a "torrid love affair with conservatism" about anything. Frankly, by admitting that, you've lost all credibility.

    Favorite    Flag as abusive Posted 08:41 PM on 04/05/2008
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