Are "good" and "divorce" in the same sentence an impossibility? I believe it is possible to have a good divorce. Following are some tips on how to have a good divorce even though you are going through one of the worst times in your life.
1. Are you sure that your marriage is over and cannot be saved? Have you tried counseling and exhausted all possibilities of saving the marriage? Divorce should be the last resort, not your first. Having counseling during the divorce as well can be very helpful towards a good divorce.
2. Can you treat your spouse with respect and dignity? Remember that at one time you loved each other.
3. If you have children, can you put their best interests ahead of your wants or needs? This is difficult, and too often people in the heat of emotion will do things to put children in the middle. Don't do this
4. Can you talk issues through? At one time you were able to communicate. It is difficult, but the more that you and your spouse can communicate, the better your divorce will be.
5. Can you stay out of court? The more that you go to court, the more you will lose control and the less input you will have over decisions impacting upon the rest of your life and the lives of your children.
6. Can you find an attorney who works for you, and is a problem-solver? For a good divorce you want an attorney who helps solve problems, is creative, and does not turn a good divorce into a war of the roses.
7. Can you be mature, even though you feel totally out of control and overwhelmed? This is where therapy is helpful. Also, it is important to think, and count to ten before you speak or do something. Be constructive and not destructive.
8. Can you be selfless instead of greedy? Remember that pigs get slaughtered.
9. Can you have a game plan? Set goals. What do you want? What is best for your children? Be realistic about your children, your property, and other financial issues.
10. Can you be honest and not play games? Too many spouses play games and do everything possible to manipulate and try one-ups-man-ship. This is not the way to have a good divorce.
Remember that divorce is a process. The better you make the divorce, the better you will feel about yourself and your spouse and your children. Your thoughts, experiences of your divorces, and comments are welcome.
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