Teeing Off: Summer is Here, What do we Have to Look Forward to?

Courtesy of The Henry Rollins Show

Summer is here and we can look forward to so much great stuff. I hope it never ends. More DVDs of drunken co-eds pulling their shirts off. Gallons of alcohol mixed with food exiting the mouths of young men with baseball caps on backwards. President Bush will take a long vacation in Crawford Texas and sit on the front porch with Scott McClellan and remember the good old days when the President's approval ratings were less than terrible and Ari Fleischer was the White House Press Secretary. Big budget blockbusters will explode on screens all over America as Hollywood desperately tries to have huge first weekend grosses before the critics get a chance to rip the films to shreds. Basic Instinct 2 will hit DVD and I will buy it used and call it the best comedy film of 2006. People who wolfed down fistfuls of diet pills will cram themselves into embarrassing swimsuits with a vengeance, oil themselves up and hit the shore so they can get to work on their future melanomas that our tax dollars will be marshaled to gouge out of their skin and lawyer prepare to sue the sun for possessing harmful rays. Plaque will cling to arterial walls as Americans stuff themselves with processed foods. The price of gasoline will rise and rise. Immigration protests will rage as the undocumented make like lemmings to the land of milk, honey and employment opportunities for jobs that Americans just won't do. Our nation's finest will continue to come back from Iraq in stretchers and boxes as amazingly Iraq will somehow still be "on the brink" of a civil war. China will continue to bitch slap the American economy, Iranian President Mamoud Ahmadinejad might find out how many bunkers a bunker buster bomb can bust. And by the end of the summer it will be a year since Katrina ravaged Louisiana, Mississippi, and Alabama and we can all marvel at the stunning lack of progress in that region and then when we've recovered from that, we'll only have a few days to harvest our grief, rage and frustration and direct it at innocent people as we slam into the five year anniversary of September 11th. But until then, lower your expectations, set your phasers on stun and let the good times roll!

-- Henry Rollins