Teeing Off: The Best of the Best Just Got Better

08/02/2007 10:28 am ET | Updated Nov 17, 2011

Recently, over sixteen thousand college students completed an evaluation called The Narcissism Personality Inventory and it was determined that narcissism on college campuses is at an all time high! Oh no! All over America, healthy, privileged white kids are having mind-blowing sex and looking at each other's young, taut, pert, fantasy bodies and saying, "She's hot, I'm hot, WE'RE HOT!" and they're feeling pretty fucking good about it. So what? Well, researchers say that this can make later life difficult when these people who perhaps love thy self too much leave the halls of academia for the real world and find that they have problems dealing with criticism, fidelity, honesty, establishing meaningful relationships and other grown up stuff. That's funny, it sounds like I just described the 43rd president of the United States. No, couldn't be. Studies show that NPI levels are steadily rising which means that in our not so distant future, America could be run by self-interested super-confident elitists who don't give a tinker's cuss about the welfare of their fellow American. I wonder what that would be like? What would be interesting to me is if these researchers conducted an NPI evaluation of the same number of Americans of the same age, who are not in college, not privileged and not so overwhelmingly white and made a report on those results. Isn't the narcissism quotient of these people just as important since they're the ones cleaning the pools, sweeping the floors, overcrowding the prisons and will soon be invading and occupying the next country that the self-obsessed elite order them to? Maybe instead of donating money to charities, these damned narcissists could donate some of their abundant self-amazement to those with confidence insecurity and when they see all those gloomy faces light up, they could say, "I did that! By making the world a better place for me, I made it slightly better for these people! Now they'll feel great about trimming my hedges! I better gift myself right away!" Well, I sure hope you enjoyed what I just said only one third as much as I just enjoyed myself say it!