Gay Apartheid Outs the Other Side of an Otherwise Great Nation

Now we have the hard evidence. Those of us who are members of the GLBT community have known at least as long as we have known our sexual orientation, that we live in a highly discriminatory country, which practices bigotry with self-righteous authority.

We have seen it, and now see it with increasing vividness, in the way vast numbers of American patriots, most dramatically anchored and vigorously led by their political, religious, and media leaders vote proudly against our equality. The polls keep confirming that the "masses" follow their lead and vote with enthusiasm and pride. Those who vote to discriminate against gay and lesbian Americans and deprive us of the SPECIAL RIGHTS that are accorded heterosexuals through the vice grip of laws that shower privilege and opportunity and decency only on those who are married. This is a country in which spin backed with big money works. Craft the message carefully, include lies and distortions that strike fear in the hearts of good people and hoards will follow.

Our community errs, however, in talking about the "hate-driven" discrimination. It is not hate that drives America; it is belief and slavish devotion to a religion driven ideology. When I came out to my family, their response (to spare the repetition of yet one more personal soap opera) was basically that of the "good people" who are creating gay apartheid. When challenged, my very loving, evangelical Mother, who literally has never experienced hate in her 93 years, said, "We just love you!" My response was, "If this is love, spare me." What I also said to them was, "You need to understand that you need to make a choice between your belief system and having a relationship with me. I will not enter a room where I am demeaned, condescended to, felt sorry for -- even if it is ostensibly covered over and is only covert and you think it is something else." I meant it: and my family knew that. In a way that makes her a literal hero to me my Mother has struggled with finding a way to continue reading her Bible every day and yet relate to me the only way I am willing to be related to -- with real love, total validation, genuine admiration, deep respect, and total equality.

In reality we marginalized people know all about the "underbelly" of America. We saw it in relation to the struggle for civil rights, which is partly why so many of us were involved in that fight. We still see racism and anti-Semitism and misogyny and classism and more. The beginning of the country being "outed" as supporting gay apartheid surfaced when the gay community was hit was the pandemic of AIDS. The President, the Congress, and much of the nation spoke their truth with their actions, as voters are doing today. The message was loud and clear: "It is only happening to gay people and they are not us. We need to do nothing with a crisis that is, in fact, closer to a solution."

The Clinton administration, with "Don't Ask; Don't Tell" and the "Defense of America Act" started the dramatic "outing" of the truth of accepted American bigotry. The Bush administration, of course, with the Federal amendment to the Constitution and the push to make gay marriage the unifying issue has, in fact, led to proving George Bush to be "the great uniter" he claimed to be.

Maine, like Proposition 8, is yet one more demonstration that the vast numbers of people in this country who don't believe in Gay Apartheid are simply not sufficiently motivated to come out in sufficient numbers to oppose it. At the same time, great numbers of our community seem largely unwilling to deliver the message I delivered to my Mother: if you align with your beliefs and discriminate against me, there will be consequences which you will not have wanted to create. This message has to be delivered to families, to our political party and our parties, and to America as a whole.

During the March for Equality my favorite sign was: "THE GAY ATM MACHINE IS CLOSED UNTIL WE HAVE FULL EQUALITY".

We gay people hold up a mirror to America and allow our citizens to get beyond their denial and discover they are not the loving, compassionate people following a mystically powerful Constitution we appear to be. We can reveal to them much of what causes the rest of the world to see us in "negative" ways: this country is not what it says it is or believes itself to be. We do not reference the Civil Rights movement because we think being gay is the same as being Black. It is because the gay struggle for equality puts the spotlight on the same denied aspect of America that the Civil Rights era did.

The Civil Rights Act did not end racism but it took a significant step in turning around its institutionalization and its role in our national identity. David Mixner and Cleve Jones explained the purpose of the National March for Equality as coming from our now knowing that a state by state strategy cannot be the only approach when our rights can be given and taken away with abandon. We now have yet more evidence. This country cannot be relied on to protect the minority from the tyranny of the majority.

Until the Federal government acts, gay and lesbian Americans live in a condition of apartheid. That includes those in states that allow same sex marriage since they have none of the over 1100 special rights and privileges accorded by Federal statute to married people.

 

Comments

[MrMccormick3687]

see, this is the A#1 problem amongst those that want marriage equality. piggybacking your cause to the struggle of civil rights and apartheid is why the black community can't or won't support you. our struggle for the rights we enjoy now was bloody, painful, heinous, and filled with horrors that haven't seen the light of day. where are the attack dogs at gay pride parades? or water hoses? or bull Connor? can you compare Harvey Milk to Medgar Evers? the Stonewall riots to the March to Selma? Where is the gay Nelson Mandela? the history of the gay rights movement is compelling enough. Like Milk, Shepard, and others, you have suffered in order to be allowed the basic rights afforded to all Americans. Like those that died during the early stages of the AIDS epidemic, you suffered and died nameless and alone, while society simply watched and did nothing. but, rather than argue these points , the leaders of the gay rights movement continue to use examples and arguments that don't fit them, never fit them, and alienate the very groups that they need to pass any amendments. you cannot ask the sons and daughters of those that were beaten with nightsticks and risked lynchings for the right to sit where they choose to listen to you or even agree with you when you take all their sacrifices and trivialize them when someone votes against your right to get married.

[jmpurser]

Sadly, I agree with only one point of dissension. Great nations do great things and America hasn't fit that bill for a generation or more.

[outandproud]

This commentary contains astounding insight. When I gave my family the same ultimatum - that I simply would not permit myself to be treated as a 2nd-class citizen in my own family - all but my sister promptly disowned me. I have since moved on to create my OWN family comprised of people who actually love me.

[OnReflection]

Western culture accommodated homosexuality as part of the norm, not until Christianity became the prominent religion in the West did it become persecuted, a thousand years ago!

Our over all culture, which presently perceives homophobia in a general since as an acceptable belief system, Same sex Marriage, Openly serving in the arm forces, are small institutional symbolic corrections to this ill formed transgression against Gay people by Christianity.

It is time that Gay people take their rightful place in our culture and through out these medieval chains that continue to haunt and divide our society.

[Infostream]

Your favorite quote about the ATM has a logical protest action response: A gay tax boycott. It's something I've been suggesting for 30 years, and every gay "activist" I have suggested it to responded with horror. It took me awhile to figure out the real goal of this "movement" is to enjoy playing the victim. Ironically when I suggest it as a protest to straight people they say "that's really hard to argue with,even conservatives will agree it's unfair to exact equal taxes without giving equal rights.

The "definition of the word marriage" issue was selected by the religious right because they studied it and know it is a winner for them, a way to dupe moderates into helping them keep "gay=dirty­/inferior" codified in law. Meanwhile serious issues are ignored by the "activists", such as teen suicide, a DADT weakened military, insane HIV rates in minority communities caused by down-low closeted bisexual men who don't want to be pegged as the ridiculous Will and Grace stereotype, etc.

Answer me this - if you care about equality, why should people in a "married" relationship gay or straight have different rights than everyone else?

[JohnBisceglia]

YES - equal rights = equal taxes. I've also seen "activists" look shocked when tax revolt is suggested - many forget that to be an "activist" you have to actually DO something and not just think it.

Here's a great artical to withdraw consent from the state if you are tired of supporting the U.S. (and perhaps lack the resources to move to another country).

How to withdraw consent from the state
http://www.wendymcelroy.com/print.php?item.2767.7

[T Specter]

See and hear MLK Jr. protegee Dr. Rev. Amos Brown speak on this subject @

http://www.trifecta.tv/prop8/pod_casts/Rev.%20Amos%20Brown-iPhone.mov

[Jannsmoor]

It isn't right that it will take longer, but it will happen. As Martin Luther King Jr. said "The arc of history bends toward justice." Equal rights for gays is justice. My poor ignorant hetero bretheren are slowly awakening from a thousand year sleep.

[BluePrideStephen]

The serious slide began with Phyllis Schlaffley's campaign to stop ERA. Had ERA constitutional amendmant passed there would be no argument about gender and marriage. 35 out of the required 38 passed this with time to spare. The right wing spread the word that it would mean co-ed bathrooms and locker rooms and showers. Two states rescinded their votes, the constitutionality of that remains unsolved because it failed to get to that 38 total state number. Even with a two-year extension of time, it failed.

That was indeed the beginning of decline. However, from a social interaction perspective the progress since the '70s has been remarkable. 40%+ of straights supported us in the Maine election. Those numbers were in the teens when this began. This, I hope, is the end of the saying: 'As goes Maine...'

[jsijason]

"The United States was the creation of men who believed that each man has the right to do what he wants with his own life as long as he does not interfere with his neighbor's pursuit of happiness (that his neighbor's idea of happiness is persecuting others does confuse matters a bit). " - Gore Vidal

[M1]

funny.

[Daze515]

1) Can bills up for referendum votes please stop confusing the issue with "vote yes on 86, vote no on 86". Where yes really means no and vice versa... It's ridiculous and misleading. Just have a simple question with a straight up yes/no. PLEASE!

2) Why are civil rights issues up for voter referendum anyways? Protecting the minority from tyranny by the majority is a founding principle of our nation. I betcha if you had votes in many states in the 60's about civil rights you'd find overwhwelming opposition to desegregation. Just because 51+ percent of voters feel one way doesnt make them right or make the action legal.

3) I blame young people this particular go round. Out in droves for the 08 election, but nowhere to be seen in an off-year.

I'm a straight guy in favor of absolute equality for all. We are each entitled to the same pursuit of happiness (or misery, as is the case in marriage..­heh, sorry. Couldn't resist!)

[llisa]

Isn't it time to put a positive gay rights bill up for a vote? I think this, "Vote YES to say NO to gays" is very confusing to some.

Surely if there is a bill that says, "Vote YES on gay marriage and all the rights marriage entails" you can get more people to back it. It is much easier to campaign for a positive idea than to block a "positive" negative idea.

[Keenan Jensen]

We have actually. Washington State just voted Yes on Referendum 71 allowing the Domestic Partnership Law to be "Everything But Marriage". It isn't the final step in the process, but it shows there are referendums that are worded towards the positive (and although not all votes are in, it is looking like it is passing!)

[rextrek]

I added this comment in the comment section of the Bangor Maine paper:

2 things regarding your denying ALL citzens Equality:

1) ALL of you Yes'rs who Voted away the RIGHTS of LGBT Mainers...­I HOPE you Posed gleefully in the Many pictures that were taken during this event....t­hose VERY PICTURES WILL BE USED years from Now (they ARE part of the PUBLIC record) to show the REAL Ignorance of Voting on People's Rights....­.Just like the pictures of George wallace & others from 40-50yrs ago denying Equality to BLACKS (we've all see'm in History Books) and some of you people will be Lucky enough to be Headliners in Future History Books, and YOU WILL BE pictured on the WRONG SIDE of History for ALL the WORLD to see..Forev­er splayed out in beautiful color / and some in black & white...I hope you were smiling, ...so act SMUG now cause' ..what a day that will be, as you bring shame down on your future generations & families!

2) MAINE HAD a REAL Chance to SHOW the REST of the USA what REAL Equality was / is about...a REAL Chance to STAND OUT AND UP & be the 1st state EVER IN AMERICA to VOTE Equality into Law..and You BLEW IT! Now you are JUST ANOTHER STATE,like the Many others who have sided with Bigotry and discrimina­tion...you­'re NOTHING SPECIAL..y­ou're JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE! YOU BLEW IT!

[Paulied]

Rextrek, you hit the nail square on the head. I have comforted myself since the Prop 8 fiasco knowing that, someday soon, history will paint these bigots with the same brush it paints the likes of George Wallace and David Duke. Just knowing that one day soon Maggie Gallagher's grandcildren and great-grandchildren will be so ashamed of her actions that they will deny any relation to her keeps my strength up for the many struggles toward full equality in the future.

[SUIGENEROUSLA]

Absolutely. When I make this case to GOP reps when in calling on bills, my pay offline is "There's no George Wallace or Orville Faubus Fan Club, is there?"

Far from "maintaining marriage for their kids", these people will become family embarrassments in future generations. Do Faubus' grandchildren tell the story at work or parties about how their granddad blocked the doors to Little Rock Central High? How many dates before his great-grandchildren cuold admit being related to him?

[Sparhawk]

"..What I also said to them was, "You need to understand that you need to make a choice between your belief system and having a relationship with me..."

So, it's my way or the Highway. And you say straight people are intolerant. THAT'S why this will not move into the mainstream society.

[Paulied]

No one should have to tolerate being treated without dignity. The intolerance of the many in the straight community that we complain about is intolerance of diversity. There is a glaring difference there; if you do not see it, you are actively choosing not to.

[SUIGENEROUSLA]

You are very presumptuous and unChristlike of you to tell this man how to relate to his parents.

Tend to your own family business.

[Liberal Angel]

Why should you expect us to accept being treated less than? If the issue weren't our being gay, and it was a marriage outside the ethnic/religious community, would you expect that couple to let their kids go to their racist grandparents' home?

[billy goat]

Would you have the same reaction if the issue were about race rather than sexual orientation?

[medwreck]

It's a perfectly reasonable stance. When largely religious values conflict with republican values, one has to lose out. There is no reason one can't be Christian and still believe in individual liberty as enshrined in the Constitution. Why is it people should have to change themselves to better fit into a discriminatory society? That is antithetical to individual liberty.

[BriGuy72]

Thank you for so boldly articulating the "tough love" stance that we're going to have to take to make change happen in this country. When I first came out 20 years ago I went through my period of patiently teaching acceptance of gay people to my mom. Luckily for me, her love for me far outweighed her negative perceptions of "the gay lifestyle;" she had my dad, a psychology teacher, to steer her back to reality when she let her fears get the better of her; and she'd never had any religious indoctrination to compete with her critical thinking abilities. Now it's 2009 and I no longer have the patience or the desire to teach people to accept me for who I am. In this day and age, if you're still carrying around ridiculous ideas about gay people being pedophiles and perverts, you obviously want to believe that, despite the abundance of contradictory evidence out there. And I'm not going to make it my personal mission to disabuse you of such outrageous notions. Of course, it's easy for me to take this approach living in San Francisco, where the idea of a thirty-something unmarried man having to "come out" to anyone or justify his life in any way is downright laughable. But that's the way it should be. How can we summon up any amount of dignity or expect society to take us seriously if we're constantly begging for scraps instead of demanding what is rightfully ours?

[RPLinNYC]

Right on! and i would add, to any knuckledraggers,
'this is about equal rights', period.
Everybody is equal. It really isn't that complicated!

[xenas mom]

Absolutely wonderful! We are one of the 18,000 same sex couples married in California in 2008, so we are directly affected by the inequality heaped upon us by the federal government, as well as the veiled and not-so-veiled discrimination practiced by those among whom we live. I have long been struck by the idea that we are seeking "special rights" when, indeed, it is the opposite sex married couples who reap special rights every day. When I point out the disparity in the federal tax laws by which we are taxed for health-care benefits while our opposite sex married counterparts are not, the answers are stunning; the most stunning, however, is the most standard response "I don't believe you. You're just making that up." Although one individual suggested if I "got" a husband then my tax problems would be resolved--and was actually pleased with such a remark. Recently, a woman observed that "the gays" did nothing to help the feminist movement--as if lesbians were not the leaders of early second-wave feminism. These people consider themselves to be "good" people; I consider them to be uninformed, painfully ignorant of history, and woefully obtuse as to the realities of discrimination that we face daily.

[M1]

well said.