10/01/2010 02:20 pm ET | Updated May 25, 2011

The Wife Vs. the Social Acquaintance: Why Men Cheat

It's a hurt of no return when your mate violates marriage.

It hurts beyond words when the marital trust has been dishonored. And the trust factor usually doesn't return. Women take commitment very seriously, but men play with it, until they get older and get hit where it hurts: the pocketbook, the front-page news, the loss of income, and the loss of power. Even then, men still may do it.


Men cheat because they are raw creatures. Men are hunters, constantly searching for the next one, constantly. Men are not always satisfied, so they hunt until they get too old and gray and/or can't keep it up. And even then, they sometimes still try.

The Wife vs. The Waitress

The truth is that women find powerful men attractive. Age, color, and religion go out of the window; none of that matters. The psychology of the hostess, waitress, and nanny overwhelms the powerful man because these are women of comfort -- they have the Ga-Ga Factor. They hold the fascination of The Yank.

Congressman Jesse Jackson Jr. Why? The wife is accomplished, educated, a good partner, a good wife, a wonderful mother and you play with the waitress that you call the "social acquaintance."

The wife thinks, what did I do wrong? What happened? And the answer you can't figure.

Here's the Ga-Ga Factor: the waitress is non-threatening. The waitress is cute but does not challenge him. She is always impressed. She is excited to be in your world of power, influence, money, trips, etc. She gets to meet what she doesn't know. There is no pretense of who is the smarter and more accomplished. Big man is he; little dumb blonde is she. Man is made comfortable.

On the flipside, the wife challenges her man -- her thinking is equal, or maybe better. Her partnership is dual. So what does the smart black woman do? Some choose to be alone. Others choose to date rather than marry and be subjected to the scenario. Still others who marry sometimes face the behavior options of: do I degrade, downsize myself to prevent Mr. Husband from being intimidated or threatened? Do I somehow lessen myself so that my mentality is non-threatening to my man? Do I not work, so he can be the absolute provider? But the wife knows that she needs the money to raise the family and to obtain the lifestyle that she desires, but in doing so, does she face the chance of threatening her man?

These are the questions, and challenges facing the professional, educated, accomplished black woman. The black woman makes her choices; it may be to take the career track and adapt as much as she can. It may be to assure her husband with great communication channels and actions of love and understanding. It may even get to the point where she sacrifices her goals and compromise herself slightly or severely. Think about that; how many women have compromised themselves for their men? It is a pattern of no return but it is a choice that some black women make.

The white waitress/mistress cuts deep in the black female psyche because, she is so beneath the trophy black wife, except that she is the American model of "trophy" that is being white and blonde. Does being white and blonde make her superior? Is she the essence of the American Dream that you thought your husband wasn't into? But then, wham! in your face it happens, and when you have been the perfect partner, it cuts deep. What could you have done, more or better, the jilted woman asks.

So here it is ladies, let's get to the basics.

First of all, it doesn't matter whether he is black or white. The black man who cheats with the white woman cuts into the black woman, but the black woman who cheats with the white man cuts just as well.

Men will play if they think they can get away with it. Why? Because they are dumb. Women get satisfied. Men don't. Women get pregnant. Men don't. Sex can be a tool and a weapon. Don't stay away too long. You have to keep your eye on him. Don't trust him, even if you do trust him. Women have to work in contrast. The clever woman has to be smart and dumb. She has to work and be a servant. She has to be independent and dependent. She has to know when to be what for Mr. Wonderful.

So now ladies and gentlemen, I can tell you who the consensus candidate for Mayor of Chicago might be: The Honorable Sandi Jackson.

What about it?