Write a bad mommy confessional and be rewarded with multiple weeks on bestseller lists, riches, and fame/infamy. (See: Chua, Amy [Tiger Mom]; Druckerman, Pamela [American mom, French parenting]; Weiss, Dara-Lynn [Diet Devil in Vogue]).
And then there are the television shows. In the grand tradition of stage mothers we have the women of Toddlers & Tiaras, along with Dance Moms and Dance Moms: Miami. Is it any surprise that Skating Moms is in the works? And that the mothers on these shows are getting wackier and wackier to secure appearances on TMZ and Anderson Cooper in order to claim their 15 minutes of fame? Or, better yet, the holy grail -- their own television shows (like two Toddlers & Tiaras break-out stars: Eden Wood with her Logo network show Eden's World and Alana Thompson, aka "Honey Boo Boo Child," who has just inked a deal for a family reality show on TLC)!
Despite their extreme antics at this point it's a total cliché to criticize these moms. The people who really should make us scratch our heads are the other adults involved: the teachers and coaches.
Now, Abby Lee Miller, the larger-than-life teacher of Dance Moms, helps give female coaches a bad name. While she has surely amplified some of her behavior for the cameras you still can't help but wince as she verbally berates young girls, puts them in completely age-inappropriate attire, and shows them how to "paint on" a six-pack so they look more slender on stage.
Miller's actions have impacted other teachers and coaches. Prominent, successful, competitive dance teachers are appalled by her behavior. In addition to being embarrassed by a member of their own profession, they have seen changes in their enrollments and in their students' behavior, along with that of the children's moms. Let's just say that drama and raised voices seem to be becoming normalized.
While Abby Lee Miller isn't the first teacher or coach to over-invest in her students (watch the US gymnastics championships this weekend to catch a glimpse of coaching legends like the Károlyis -- and then read Dominique Moceanu's new memoir, out next week, to discover what a negative impact coaches like that can have on a child's life), Miller certainly is popularizing the role. In many ways she's the new version of a "stage mom."
The most recent episode of Dance Moms, "The Battle Begins," has Abby shouting multiple times that her students need to do well because they are associated with her and "her name." With kids' afterschool activities becoming increasingly professionalized, more and more people (both good and bad) can make a living off of children's performances. This means they can easily become too invested both financially and emotionally.
So in many cases teachers and coaches are the new "stage moms," using kids who aren't their own to secure their own fame and fortune. Forget the Tiger Mom, now we have Tiger Teachers eager to catch the glare of the spotlight. Too bad we can't all get a Coach Taylor for ourselves and for our kids. In the meantime, beware of Tiger Teachers seeking high fees and reality television shows.
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Furthermore, all of these girls have been dancing with Abby Lee for years now and the thing is they're some of the most confident and well-adjusted people that you see on television. I think if she was that bad a) they would have quit and b) we would not see them behave as well as they do. People have a tendency to treat children (especially girls) with such vulnerability and fragility and I think that that can be really offensive.
I think that the dance teachers who are criticizing her probably don't come from the same world. I think when people see a show about girls who are dancing they sort of put it in the "toddlers and tiaras category" of this weird indulgence and "after school activity." Abby Lee's studio, and the studios that they compete against at competition are very high level and they're training these girls to become professionals. They're going to encounter more offensive things than her once they're out at auditions and working and at least she counters her harshness with a true love and compassion for the girls. She may hate their mothers, but she truly wants the girls to succeed. I think these people who are speaking out against her may be successful in the sense that they're able to have careers as dance teachers but they're either in the strictly classical ballet world which is so insular and out of tune (these girls take ballet but they use it as a foundation rather than their primary discipline) or they're just more of the after school variety where it doesn't make sense to expect the girls to place first all the time (if they compete at all).
With regards to all the yelling and the playing it up for the camera, I can't really defend her because that's unprofessional but we can also say that what we see on tv is a very small portion of how she actually behaves in her career.