"I'm not pregnant," I explained throughout the day, as vendors glanced toward my mid-section, searching intently for a baby bump.
Saturday, among a sea of strollers, soon-to-be mothers and tots with impossibly small sneakers, my friend and I attended the New York Baby Show on Pier 92.
True, neither of us are mothers -- but that didn't stop us from sampling an array of baby food, inquiring about stroller settings and ultimately concluding that as babies of the '80s, we had it tough, like the original Karate Kid.
Children these days have it easy. Shall they never know the harsh reality of inorganic anything? I pondered these thoughts as I spoon-fed myself dairy free, gluten free and vegan deliciousness from Soft Serve Fruit Company (made of fruit, water and a little cane sugar).
In the midst of booths displaying all-natural soaps, onesies and diaper disposals, I decided on three things I would have adored as a New York youngster:
Little Pim - Mi espanol es muy guapo. That's right. I just said my Spanish is very attractive. Truth be told, it's not. At all. Little Pim easily teaches young children a second language. I'm not sure if I'm more impressed by their range of available languages including Spanish, French and Hebrew (there are 10 languages total) taught with DVDs, books and flashcards, or if I'm equally inspired by the adorable (Little Pim) Panda that teaches these dialects. Had this bright bear been available during my youth, I would have been a seven-language social butterfly. (Mariposa?)
TeetheMe - Ah, the fun of shopping. Something I would not appreciate until my teen years. And for appliances and everyday necessities? Well, we're almost there. Rather than guessing which of 50 bibs is best, moms can subscribe to this monthly service for $24, and receive four to five unique, practical and innovative products -- some for baby, others for mommy -- in the mail. It takes the guesswork out of buying the right stuff for the little one -- which is great for parents raising their first child.
Orbit baby - By the time I was five, I had two baby brothers. While my jester-self enjoyed making faces at Princes Justin and Matthew as they slept in the stroller, I was still surprised by my karma-induced punishment: The ease of getting run over by the tires of said chariot. Orbit baby would have solved my wounding woes. The Sidekick Stroller Board attaches on the side of the stroller, giving mom and dad an unobstructed walking path. It flips up, if say, I wanted to walk on my own. And though I was quite the risk taker, I think I would have opted to hold onto the attachable riding handles.
Am I jealous of this generation of babies? Maybe. But, by the end of the tour de baby show, hopped up on Ella's Kitchen food pouches and eyeing the Drugstore.com booth for baby wipe samples, I felt inspired.
Though my friend and I realized we might have missed out on bamboo fabric swaddles and stylish carriers, at least our newborns -- years from now -- will have the best of the best... and talk behind our backs in multiple languages.
While I'm not sure how to say "go to your room" in French, for now, I'm confident that my future child will benefit from the stylish savvy swag yet to come. And just knowing that, is good enough for moi.
Follow Hilary Sheinbaum on Twitter: www.twitter.com/@hilary_she