Actual Title: What Women Want
As we join the Lucky Nine this week, we find Bryce stressing because he is the only one who hasn't won a challenge. When they go to Parsons to find out what's next for them, La Klum meets them swinging the black velvet bag of doom. To everyone's relief it's not a team challenge but it is the next worst thing: they have to design for real people with real bodies instead of pencil thin models.
Heidi brings out a group of men to stand with her on the runway, and of course our intrepid nine deduce it's a menswear challenge which causes much Sturm und Drang. Anya gets to be first to choose, because she won last week's challenge and has immunity this week -- Heidi also gives them the unwelcome news that there is no more immunity as we count down to the winning designer. Wheat, meet Chaff. Meanwhile Olivier remarks indelicately when the others get to choose before him, "We're left with all these fat people and fat is fine, but not when I'm making clothes." Whatta guy!
They go off to the work room to meet Tim, who tells them they're actually creating a look for the wives or girlfriends of these men who are their clients; the men will provide them with direction for the look. This is a big relief for everyone, although they're still faced with the fact that they're designing for real people instead of models. They'll have two days to complete this challenge and their first assignment is to hunker down with the guys to figure out what kind of look they're going for. No big surprise that the guys seem to be clueless on what stores their women shop at or what colors they like.
Whee! Real breasts! Don't look too excited, folks!
Bert's client, Anthony, could be a reject for the cast of Jersey Shore. He describes his lady to Bert, "basically she's a hot piece of tushy," and admits that if it was up to him he'd have her wear a leaf in public, just to get by. Olivier asks his client if the woman's breasts are "ginormous." The client nods, "Big. That's the way I like 'em." Olivier shares to the camera that he doesn't like women having boobs, he prefers them to be flat, he thinks "it destroys the whole line." Charming!
The whole gang troops off to Mood for a 30-minute shopping jaunt, accompanied by the men clients. Olivier asks Tim what does Double D mean, to which Tim responds he has no personal experience of this, so Olivier asks the lady cashier who explains it's a cup size. "Those boobs to me are trouble," grouses Olivier (I think this episode may hold the record on how many times the word 'boobs' is said on a television program).
To everyone's distaste, the clients stay with them in the workroom as they begin their work on the garments. Bert's client tells him, "honestly the mannequin's boobs don't look anything like my wife" and proceeds to share to all within hearing, "sometimes I motorboat 'em" at which point he grabs the dress form and mimes rubbing his face in its chest. He later states he's like the Cookie Monster only he's the Booby Monster, "I love boobs" (Definitely reality TV show reject material). Meanwhile Laura is holding up what looks like palm fronds and asks her client if he knows what they are. "They're to tie her up with later," he replies (Seriously, where did these guys come from?). It's a relief when the ladies come in and thankfully they seem to be for the most part normal, unlike the guys.
The next morning Bryce and Josh are in the kitchen and Josh declares he's going to take a shower, with the parting words, "Bryce I expect my eggs to be well done and on the counter when I get out" (The thing is, I don't think he's kidding). Bryce has got the Scarlet Letter this week, it's obvious he's on a downward spiral, and there's no room for error at this point in the competition. Viktor observes that the fabric he chose, hot pink, looks like an anti-diarrheal medicine. Meanwhile Mr. Friendly, that is to say Olivier, thinks people should just shut up and do what he tells them like models do.
Tim comes in for his drive-bys only this time it's with the designer, the model and the client. He loves Viktor's look and the girl does look adorable. He's not so sure about Anya, who appears to have a lot of work to do. Bert's mallwear somehow escapes any great notice from Tim, though Laura notes that it looks like he's trying to channel Dior "but it's disgusting." Tim is, however, concerned about the glittery silver pumps Laura has paired with her gown, feeling it's going "full tilt Barbie." As for Kimberly, La Gunn just stands there with a furrowed brow. He loves the pink color on Bryce's model and is pleased that Josh seems to have edited his natural over the top instincts in favor of something tasteful.
The next morning is the runway show. Olivier's model Suzanne is annoyed because the pants seem to be riding up. He can't wait to deal with a model again and have a non-speaking person just do their job and not talk back. As they take their places in the seats by the runway, the designers are sitting with their clients. Guest judge this week is actress Malin Akerman.
Kim, Laura, and (hell no! are you kidding me? because the outfit is awful) Olivier are all safe. The highest scores belong to Anya, Josh, and Viktor. The lowest scores are Bert, Bryce, and Anthony. The judges confer with those who have the high scores, the first being Anya (Here I have to say I think this dress is hideous, but no one asked me. Egad.). MK finds it "memorable," Heidi thinks it's "unusual," Malin calls it "classy and bold" and says she'd wear it on the red carpet even with the single sleeve, which Nina firmly eschews.
Josh is next. Everyone's highly impressed that he kept it so simple and resisted the urge to bedazzle. Heidi calls it elegant, chic, but still with some sassiness to it. MK says the model looks like a modern Grace Kelly. Nina thinks it could work in any other color too. "It's just -- wow."
My favorite outfit is the one Viktor made, and he's been impressing me every week consistently. Malin loves the sheer top, calls it flirty and feminine. Nina calls it charming. MK thinks it's a tad over-accessorized. The model praises Viktor for listening to her input.
The bottom three are next to be scrutinized. Bert is up first. His model, Arianna, loves her dress which helps get him off the hook. MK thinks it looks like a dress you could buy in a million stores, "very safe." Nina finds it a little tight, a little short, a little shiny. Bryce's client also likes her dress. Nina dislikes it intensely, "it's almost like the dress is wearing her as opposed to her wearing the dress." MK says the tailoring is off, every seam is puckered, and it looks like she slept in the car on the way to the wedding she had hoped to wear this to. They all hate the big pockets.
Anthony's garment is hated perhaps even more by the judges. Malin thinks it looks like an old cheerleader outfit. Heidi thinks she looks like a really little girl or a really old lady -- super safe and super boring. MK dubs it "super hero ice skater." And it's time for the Lil' Chat.
Heidi asks the other judges if they think Bert is boring, MK says, "oh yeah -- B for boring... you could go to the mall and buy that dress." Malin says it was a little bit normal, it's nice, it's fine, to which MK rolls his eyes. As for Bryce, they all agree that the only thing good about it was the color. "I know you women want clothes to make your thighs look bigger," grins MK. They make endless fun of the big pockets and discuss all the things you could stash away in there -- keys, beer bottles, small dogs. As for Anthony, Heidi says the model is a young girl with a hip dude and they look like they're going to visit their grandmother in an old people's home.
On the other hand, they're all very blown away by how Josh edited himself. Heidi is impressed with how Anya always tries to come up with new and unusual silhouettes. They also give props to Viktor except for his accessorizing which they felt it didn't need.
Josh is the winner, and he's so excited about his win that he does a cartwheel behind the screen when he leaves the stage. He rushes into the green room and makes Anya and Olivier feel his heart thumping through his exposed cleavage chest. Anya is 2nd runner-up, Viktor is 3rd. Bert is declared safe with yet another warning from Heidi to stop being so safe and simple. Anthony and Bryce are the bottom two.
Anthony is scolded that the garment he made was frumpy and old-fashioned, whereas Bryce made an even bigger faux pas in that his dress did not fit his client in the least. Bryce is ejected from the show and sent to clean up his space. Josh, AKA Miss Congeniality, hugs him goodbye and says, "who's gonna make my coffee?" And sew it goes...
Bryce in happier days
Next week: Teams Again! Designing outfits for an obscure rock band! Guest judge -- Adam Lambert! We find out who Reggae Jesus is!
Project Runway airs on Lifetime TV Thursday nights at 9pm