About ten years ago, I wrote a letter about love to myself and a select group of my New York City friends.
It was intended as inspiration, motivation and an expression of a little desperation for all of us who were searching for love. That feels-good-deep-down-inside kind of love. That I've-found my-best-friend, confidant and partner love. That I-thought-I-knew-what-love-was-but-I-never -knew-this-kind-of-love-was-even-possible kind of love.
It's taken this many years, but that type of love has finally found me. (And a large number of those friends as well.) Though I wanted to shout it from the social media mountaintops for quite some time now, she, and experience, dictated it would be better to wait, at least a little longer.
Now, I'm happy in a way I've never known. I'm secure and content in the type of relationship that has continued to evolve into more than I could have ever asked for.
So, I wanted to share the letter about love today for the some of the exact same reasons I wrote it nearly a decade ago. And to say, "Thank you and I love you" to my best friend.
Yesterday, I saw a greeting card I had to have. The cover was a simple photograph, the focal point of which was a street sign at the corner of a city block. The street sign reads "Love." Not "Love Road," not "Love Avenue," not "Love Boulevard"; just "Love."
That in itself isn't the story. The story lies in the fact that my eyes instantly went in search of the cross street. However, because of the framing of the shot and the shadow being cast, I couldn't make it out. All I could do was shake my head and laugh.
People find love. I haven't. But some do.
Occasionally, people are blessed enough to make a permanent home there. But, they seem to have no interest in disclosing its location. I've asked for directions before. But still, I get lost. Sometimes, people volunteer a little guidance. Inevitably, though, I pass on their suggested routes and try to find it on my own.
Strangely enough, I always seem to find myself running parallel to Love or going completely in the opposite direction. I have however found Confused, Trouble and Just Not Right. (I've spent quite a bit of time there.)
Honestly, it can get frustrating, even downright sad. During those instances, when I've lost my bearings or been immobilized after yet another accident, I find myself sitting on a curb somewhere thinking about how I've been so incapable of uncovering the mysterious coordinates of Love and Happiness, Love and Fulfillment or Love and Excitement. Any of which I'd take in a heartbeat.
That's when some questions begin to creep in.
Do I even deserve to find Love? Am I making a mistake by looking for it? And the scariest question of all, Have I passed it already? If so, will it still be there if I turn back? Or, has it been phased out as a part of some rezoning project?
Without fail, I eventually get back on the road. Sometimes, actively looking, other times just to take in the scenery and enjoy the ride. However, I must admit, in those moments when I'm running on fumes, I have considered stopping at Good Enough, My Mom Would Approve and Better Than Being Single.
But, just the thought of one day finding the ever-elusive Love and stopping at the right point(s) along the way keeps my eyes open during those long, painful, and often uneventful stretches.
In my journey thus far, I've seen quite a bit of wreckage along the side of the road. Towns have even sprung up, fully inhabited by those who just couldn't go any further. So, they stopped and settled. All I can do is hope and pray that I don't find myself as a permanent member of any of those communities.
I plan on staying on the road until I find Love. So if you see me, I'll be cruising along at a very leisurely pace, up and down every block with a bumper sticker that reads: Makes Frequent Stops. You know, just in case I see something.
Follow Howard Jordan Jr. on Twitter: www.twitter.com/@howardwrites