First things first, let's establish a couple of very important ground rules. In this blog and in the city, New York refers to Manhattan and very specific, very cool parts of Brooklyn and the outer boroughs. You refers to anyone who has, ever will, or wants to, come to the Big Apple through hard work, big dreams, or any combination of both.
New York City is the Mecca of visionaries, freaks, geeks, cool kids, revolutionaries and sexy valedictorians. Your mission: To find fame, fortune, freedom, love, acceptance and most importantly, yourself. All of this, in the quickest and broadest of strokes is the lure, the potential, the truth and the beauty of New York.
But -- and New York City is all about the "but" -- sometimes the frenetic pace and ever-increasing cost of living, loving, and doing business in New York can be too much, too
To thrive in New York is to embrace uncertainty, enjoy ridiculousness, revel in treachery
and find exhilaration every second of every day. It's enough to make you consider
packing up and leaving it all behind. Saying so aloud is akin to sacrilege, but from time to
time, you find yourself thinking, "I can't do this anymore." Or worse, "I don't want to."
So for all of you who have lived it, to all of those who dream of doing so one day, to everyone in the midst of it at this very moment, and to anyone who may be interested in this very specific struggle: this blog identifies and articulates the unimaginable notion of willingly leaving the greatest city on the face of the planet, then gives you all the funny, sad, insightful and silly reasons you'll ever need to justify doing so, one entry at a time.
Let's get started.
Jon Stewart makes you feel lame.
It's not just that he is funny. It's his type of funny. He's taken The Daily Show from a quick-witted, sarcastic, pop-culture indulgence, to must see nightly news parody, reality
check and socio-political watchdog.
Jon Stewart holds it together with the type of humor, charm, awareness, and self-deprecation you'd hate him for if you didn't like him so much. In fact you, kind of, want to be him. After all, he's the toast of New York and that's a title you've always coveted.
Imagine having that insight and timing at your disposal at dinner parties and happy hours. You'd be unstoppable. Oh, to have allies and enemies waiting with bated breath for your every thought to be expressed.
And now, with the 2012 election season upon us, the stage is set for his appeal to reach even further. Surely if you were sitting in his seat, on that show, skewering politicians and media pundits, you could win widespread respect, admiration and sixteen Emmys, too.
After all, the material basically writes itself. Right?
Speed dating isn't your speed.
New York City is driven by the belief that there is always something more and always something better out there. It's the sole reason you get up in the morning. It's also the reason you can't find and keep a healthy relationship.
So while the existence and proliferation of speed dating isn't at all surprising, it's certainly discouraging. Speed dating sets up a very unique scenario where you literally have a multitude of "the next one" just inches away from "the current one."
No matter who, or what, you choose and, in turn, who, or what, chooses you, one thing you can be quite certain of is that you don't stand a chance at getting more than a number and the runaround.
Sure, you'll meet a few more people who satisfy every item on your checklist of salary, height, style, and fetish fulfillment, but since when have you had any idea of what's actually good for you?
Questlove bores you and Adriana Lima isn't your kind of beautiful.
He's a modern day hip-hop icon curating an audio-visual experience featuring a number of his famous friends, at BAM. (Or, Brooklyn Academy of Music, for those of you who still consider leaving Manhattan to be traveling abroad.) Not to mention it's two nights only. Ever.
She is recognized and compensated, as one of the most desirable swimsuit and lingerie models in the entire world. And she's standing on the street corner, right next to you as she takes a break from a commercial shoot.
However, his show didn't enlighten, entertain or move you in any real way.
And while she is definitely attractive, she's kind of short. So, you don't see what all the
fuss is about.
After you've been in New York for long enough you expect daily doses of invention and beauty. Then, immediately and mercilessly judge them both. Because nothing is fresh and no one is exquisite, unless you say so.
Yet, one question remains unanswered: What do you have to say for yourself?
Follow Howard Jordan Jr. on Twitter: www.twitter.com/@howardwrites