12/03/2008 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Final Predictions

Electoral college: Obama 349. Pennsylvania, Ohio, Florida, Colorado, Missouri. Not North Carolina, Indiana, Montana, New Mexico, Arizona, or North Dakota. Which means there's room at the top for an even higher number, because every single one of those states is easily competitive. I have an even higher number in mind, but I'm afraid that if I try to type it my monitor will burst into flames.

Senate: Dems +7 (Saxby Chambliss holds on in Georgia, Stevens, Dole, and Coleman all lose.)

House: Dems +25

And as long as we're at it:

Livni/Kadima defeats Netanyahu with enough seats to form a coalition that does not include Shas.

In Ukraine Yuschenko, buoyed by a surge of pro-American feeling following Obama's election, surges ahead of Tymoshenko and picks up enough seats in parliament to form a bloc with an outright majority.

In Paris, Le Cordon Bleu formally recognizes ketchup -- but not catsup -- as a sauce and requires those studying to be sauciers to demonstrate proficiency in its use.

Dogs fly, wild beasts become anti-lions and anti-tigers and serve mankind, the seas turn to lemonade. Why the hell not?

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