Television shows come and go. Some go off the air after a prestigious 10-season run, and others duck out after just one season, which actually seems a little generous to begin with. But this always leads us to ask what happens to the characters? Once they've picked themselves up from the crushing blow of getting canceled, brushed themselves off, and decide to join the human race once again, what are they to do? Luckily, we've sorted things out for a few plucky characters we think'll be just fine on this side of the small screen -- whether or not their shows have already gone the way of the dinosaur.
Dracula from Dracula:
With his charisma, eternal good looks, and penchant for sucking the life out of people, there's only one destination that makes sense for Dracula now: Hollywood. Just think: He'll be the envy of everyone because he doesn't age, and he's got centuries of scheming under his belt. What's an audition or two when you've been passing yourself off as human for decades? Sure, he'd strike gold as an agent or producer, but we think The Count has the potential to be a real A-lister. And what better job than a movie star for someone who has so much trouble going out in the daytime?
Drac should start out getting his street creed in a Coen brothers movie or two and build his momentum by teaming up with David Lynch and Spike Jonze. After he's married a few actresses, he can shrug off his indie persona and start starring in big budget action movies that will set him up financially for the next century or so. After all, it worked for fellow vampire Nicolas Cage.
-- Naivasha Dean
David Sachs and Crawford Whittemore from Dads:
Dads. Famous for dolling out advice you don't want to hear and always wanting to be the driver because "You ride the clutch too much!" In short, they're perfect candidates to become very successful Uber drivers. And now that David Sachs and Crawford Whittemore, the curmudgeonly heartwarming dads on the eponymous Fox show, are no longer busy butting their noses into their sons' lives, dropping trow in front of their sons' wives and girlfriends, and generally being lovable pains in the ass, it's time they hit the road and started earning their keep again.
Imagine it, they'll spend their days talking to strangers, handing out their sons' phone numbers to "really nice" girls even though they're not single, and ensuring that everyone gets to their destination on time, riding in the back of their classic Chevy.
Who says dads aren't useful after a certain age?
-- Raef Harrison
Maw Maw from Raising Hope:
Now that Raising Hope has been cancelled, Maw Maw, it's time for you to make your move. Join forces with Lucille Bluth, Marie Barone, and that old lady from Fashion Police, and go head to head with that smug Betty White. Of course, Betty is too strong a force and you could never take her down, but you can do the next best thing. The five of you will become one hilarious comedy power force, the grandmother of all comedy: Oldtron.
Oldtron will dominate TV and film, and no topic would be off limits. Aging, sex, kids, those little tags on pillows you're not supposed to rip off... No one will tell you what you can and cannot talk about. Why? Respect. Also, with close to four centuries of wisdom amongst the five of you, you could easily trick us into allowing you to say anything you wanted anyway and we'd think it was adorable.
Or you could just be a cool old lady on another show. We'd like that, too.
-- Martin Moakler
Carrie Bradshaw from The Carrie Diaries:
It's true: The Carrie Diaries is (probably) ending. Carrie Bradshaw must leave her Cyndi Lauper cassette tapes and lace Madonna bows in the '80s and forge her own way in the real world. But this teen queen supreme is too fabulous to stay down for long. We predict that she'll be just fine. In fact, we think she'd still be fabulous 20 years later: Glamming it up in New York City as a writer and being the kind of bold 40-year-old woman that can rock a tutu in broad daylight in the middle of Manhattan. Let's flash forward from 1984 to 1998, in which Ms. Bradshaw is a mid-thirties sex and dating columnist who attempts to find new meaning to being a woman in the '90s, along with her three, equally glam and sexually adventurous best girl friends.
Besides growing up to be smart and sassy, she'll also own a ridiculous shoe collection consisting of chic late '90s couture (Jimmy Choo stilettos!) and a sizable NYC apartment, all on a writer's salary. She's fabulously single, but one dashing, jazz-loving, cigar-smoking businessman will both make and break her heart for years to come. But Carrie's legacy will be her undeniable wit: Capri pants and fanny packs may come and go, but her terrible puns never go out of style. Yeah, we'd watch this show.
-- Sheila Dichoso
Jafar and Gabriel, from Once Upon a Time in Wonderland and Intelligence:
Now that Once Upon a Time in Wonderland is definitively over and Intelligence seems poised to follow it through the looking glass, two powerful and all-knowing characters have been left without employment: sorcerer Jafar and human supercomputer Gabriel. On their respective shows, these two had it easy -- one used seemingly limitless black magic to terrorize a fantasy world, and the other used a seemingly limitless microchip embedded in his brain to fight terrorism. So, for their next curtain calls, instead of torturing red queens or saving kidnapping victims, why don't these two partner up and take on a real challenge?
Imagine if they set up camp on a mystical deserted island, perhaps in the South Pacific, and swore to become its protectors. The island would generate a mysterious magnetic field, magically heal the wounded, and even raise the dead, giving Jafar a run for his money in the sorcery department; he might even have to resort to physical torture just to survive there. This being far from civilization, there would also be no Wifi, so Gabriel's microchipped brain would remain offline; he'd have to survive on his wits alone, possibly with some wisecracks and fun nicknames thrown in for comic relief. Perhaps there could even be a smoke monster on the island, to provide some danger. Add a few polar bears for good measure, and we'd have a completely new, original series... right?
-- Kristin Knox
Lorna from Sean Saves the World:
Oh, Sean. We're sorry to hear about your show getting cancelled. We were big fans.
Let's be real, though. We're worried. Not necessarily about you. You've got your life together enough -- your business is doing well, your friends and co-workers are supportive, and you're getting out there again. But Sean, we're a little worried about your mother.
We know your mom loves you but, well, is a little intense. As in, she borders on a Lucille Bluth temperament, without all the martinis. Not to worry, though. We've devised a plan for you -- it'll be a new business venture (tax deductible) that will bring you some much-needed peace.
The plan: Open your own Mom-and-Sean temp agency. Brush up her resume and get your Rolodex spinning because you're about to make a killing! Your mom's opinionated yet sharp wit is needed for hire all over the city. From car sales to fashion design, from courtroom disputes to childcare, your mother's brutal honesty will open people's eyes to the error of their ways and their businesses will flourish. Her advice is tough, but her intentions are great, and we can tell you now that not everyone will roll their eyes at her the way you do. Quality Momming is tough to find in a world moving so fast. And while she's doing that, you'll be making a killer lasagna and having quality time with your daughter and the hot babe you'll be way too awkward around next.
Sean Saves The World? Nope. More like Lorna Saves The World.
-- Nadia Vazquez
The Mosby Kids from How I Met Your Mother:
Now that the Mosby kids don't have to listen to their dad drone on and on for what feels like years, they actually lead a very healthy, if not emotionally tumultuous life. Aunt Robin is awesome: she loves dogs, she takes the kids out shooting, and she's got great stories about traveling the world that don't ramble on for eternity. After their mom's passing, there really was no reason why she and Ted shouldn't be together; hooray for happy endings!
Life with stepmom Robin will start out great; Robin will be content and Ted will be the happiest he's ever been. But after seeing him marry Robin in under a year (it took him years -- and 2 children -- to marry Tracy), the kids will grow to resent this new union.
After the wedding, Ted will probably feel a pang for both the past and urban architecture (oh, T-Mos), and move the family back into the old apartment in New York City. But as Robin will stick to covering stories around the world, a lonely Ted will leave architecture behind and fulfill an old dream: opening his own bar, "Puzzles."
Between an absentee step-mom, a dead real mom, and a loquacious bartender dad, the Mosby kids would make a pretty good living opening their own marriage counseling practice and quietly rolling their eyes to the drawn out stories of other people's romantic ups and downs.
-- Benn Hadland
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