In a revelation bound to send shock waves through the already battered, bruised, and flailing McCain campaign, Joe Six Pack and Joe the Plumber have confided to friends that they have fallen in love and intend to marry. The two Republican campaign symbols met at a recent rally and confessed that there were immediate sparks they simply couldn't deny.
"The Joes," as they're now being called, stated that they plan to fly to San Francisco and officially tie the knot just as soon as Joe the Plumber settles his difficulties with the IRS and Joe Six Pack comes out of rehab and beats that bullshit, misdemeanor battery charge trumped up by his ex-wife, that vindictive bitch, as revenge for some pictures she found on his computer where she had no business looking.
When asked by reporters for a response, Republican VP contender Sarah Palin wished the Joes the best of luck and offered to give either groom away at the wedding. Then moments later, after consulting with campaign advisers, she issued a follow-up statement, saying: "The sanctity of marriage and our American way of life is at stake and I call on all Americans to condemn this unholy union as a 'life to nowhere'."
Also reached for comment, Joe Lunchpail, who affirmed his belief that: "Marriage is between a man and a woman, not an average citizen and a fictional amalgam of working-class Americans concocted to create the illusion that the party of the rich and privileged is somehow on the side of working people.
With less than two weeks to go before the Nov. 4 election, and the polls lining up against them, McCain advisers are looking into developing a new symbol for their campaign. Among the leading contenders are Joe Camel, G.I. Joe, Joe Buck, Tailgunner Joe, Joe Biden, and in an effort to win over ethnic voters, Joe Mama.
Finally reached for his comment, Senator McCain issued a terse statement, simply saying: "Oh, for fuck sake, I'm out of bullshit. Somebody give me a beer."