Top Ten Letterman Joke Apologies

07/17/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011
  • Ian Gurvitz Writer -- Welcome to Dumbfuckistan -- The Dumbed-Down, Disinformed, Dysfunctional, Disunited States of America

10) Sorry. I thought the kid at the game was the one who already got pregnant. Not the one's who's going to get pregnant in 3 years.

9) It was wrong to joke that A-Rod could've knocked up your kid. The way the Yankees had been playing I didn't think they could hit anything.

8) It was Conan's line. He bet me $10 I wouldn't do it.

7) The slutty flight attendant reference was not only insulting. It was wrong. There are no slutty flight attendants anymore. The last one got elected to congress from Minnesota.

6) I was thrown by the sight of Giuliani out in the daytime and momentarily lost all reason.

5) I didn't write that joke. I got it from Bill O'Reilly's loofah file.

4) I was thrown by the fact that you were in New York. You know we have Jews here, right?

3) Sorry. Now Greta Van Susteren hates me, too. Now I'll never be invited to the Scientology picnic.

2) Fuck you and the dogsled you rode in on.

1) Hey, at least I didn't tell a joke about the retard. What's his name? Oh, yeah, Todd.