"Where I Was" by Governor Mark Sanford

I was hiking the Appalachian trail and my GPS went, like, totally batshit.

I was on a double secret intelligence mission, investigating the South American cocaine trade, and tracked the source of the problem to the ass cheeks of an Argentinian stripper.

Fine, I was planning on starring in a local production of Evita and went to Buenos Aires to research the role.

Look, you just can't get good Gaucho steak in the states, ok?

I was taking tango lessons so I could take my wife dancing for her birthday. It was going to be a surprise, so thanks for screwing THAT up.

I was on a trade mission, trading American dollars for Argentinian blow jobs.

I was on a boat, cruising the Argentinian coastline. Alone. Totally alone. Completely and totally alone. I resent any and all implications that I was not totally alone.

I categorically deny that I was visiting the love child I fathered with an Argentinian supermodel. They don't even have Father's Day in Argentina, so there!

At least I wasn't in a Minneapolis airport bathroom.

John Edwards, people. John Edwards.

You remember how President Bush used to disappear to his ranch in Crawford? Well, I was practicing for when I became president and was checking out ranch property in Buenos Aires.

It was President Obama's fault. He forced that stimulus package on me so I went to get my package stimulated.

Hey, I'll tell you the same thing I told my wife: none of your fuckin' beeswax.

Comments

[atcrossroads]

The gays made me do it.

[Asmarina]

"It was President Obama's fault. He forced that stimulus package on me so I went to get my package stimulated. "

HILARIOUS POST!!!

[carlyt]

It is impeachment time for the good Governor. There is a related post at http://iamsoannoyed.com/?p=1930

[chendri887]

I was driving in my car, and saw a bright circular-shaped light in the sky. The next thing I remember, I woke up in the Atlanta airport.

[Asmarina]

ha ha!