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Ilana Wiles

Entries by Ilana Wiles

Breastfeeding: The End Of The Road?

(4) Comments | Posted November 13, 2013 | 10:06 AM

This morning I woke up when Harlow started crying at around 6:30am. I picked her up out of her crib and changed her diaper in the hallway, because I didn't want to wake Mazzy by changing her in their room. Harlow was fussing and I knew the one thing I...

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Star Magazine Keeps It Classy With Celebrity Mom Report Cards

(227) Comments | Posted June 11, 2013 | 10:18 AM

star magazine mom report card

Star Magazine has outdone themselves this week and instead of saying "Guess Who???" over a picture of some poor celebrity's flabby ass, they've decided to grade celebrity moms report-card style in an article entitled "Best & Worst Moms!"

I'm sure...

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Baby Mugging: The Latest Instagram Craze

(1) Comments | Posted April 27, 2013 | 2:51 PM

Last week, I took a photo of my 5 month old baby inside a mug. Well, not inside a mug exactly. I just put Harlow on the floor, held a mug in front of the camera so that it completely blocked the lower half of her body and...

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My Proposal for The First Scene in the New Movie 'Go the F*ck to Sleep'

(13) Comments | Posted April 15, 2013 | 1:27 PM

Fox 2000 is slated to turn Go the F*ck to Sleep into a movie. Yes, I'm serious. Industry insiders are already clamoring for the sequel, with options like "Brush Your Teeth or You Will Get F*cking Cavities," "Clean Your Room, It Looks Like a Sh*thole" and "Stop Being...

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Newborns Are a Piece of Cake (Knock on Wood)

(63) Comments | Posted February 4, 2013 | 1:36 PM

Harlow has been home for a little over a week. At this point, I thought I would be tearing my hair out and trying to find the receipt to return her, but so far, having a newborn in the house has been... dare I say it?


It's interesting to...

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Pregnant and Powerless in New York During Hurricane Sandy

(14) Comments | Posted November 1, 2012 | 11:11 AM

I am not one to blow things out of proportion (and believe me, I am well aware many people fared way worse than I did during the storm), but there is something about being 38 weeks pregnant during a natural disaster that made my brain jump straight from hurricane to...

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10 Reasons Third Trimester Is Kind Of Awesome

(33) Comments | Posted September 18, 2012 | 12:24 PM

I know it seems hard to believe, what with the middle-of-the-night calf cramps and the swelled feet (by the way -- is your husband commenting on your sausage-looking-toes grounds for a divorce or am I overreacting?), but pregnancy is actually chock full of awesomeness once people stop wondering if you're...

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10 Lessons in Preschool Pack Mentality

(5) Comments | Posted August 23, 2012 | 3:04 PM

This summer, we spent a lot of time at Grammy's house. On one particular occasion, we were joined by my stepbrother, his wife and their two kids -- Hunter, 5 and Maia, 3.

Mazzy was in absolute KIDDIE HEAVEN. She has always been very social, so she became fast friends...

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Dear Jessica Simpson

(12) Comments | Posted May 23, 2012 | 9:06 AM

Dear Jessica,

It's almost been a full month since the birth of your baby girl. I want to start by congratulating you on keeping little Maxwell alive this long. I know the odds were against it.

Don't be mad -- the odds were against me keeping my daughter...

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