My parents, sister, wife and I had gone to Dubai recently to attend some weddings and one night we went to a well-known South Asian restaurant called Ravi for dinner. As we were waiting for our food, I looked out the window and noticed two very large Pakistani men strolling down the sidewalk, holding hands. They then began speaking to a third man who also joined them in their hand-holding and then walked away. When my father noticed me looking out the window, he told us of how when he first came to the United States from Pakistan in the 70s after finishing medical school, he and his friends would often walk on the street holding hands as well and, quite often, were also met with stares. But, he said, "In our (Pakistani) culture, no one had a problem with it."
It's easy to find similar practices normalized in many Muslim-majority countries. Men of all ages from a variety of Arab, South Asian and Turkish backgrounds walk together holding hands, sit together and hold hands and kiss each other on each cheek as a form of greeting. Its always been interesting to me that this type of affection is seen as acceptable amongst grown men, but the same cultures fail to emphasize any really outward expressions of affection from fathers toward their children.
Somehow the idea has been introduced that authority cannot be established or maintained if gentleness in any form enters into the picture. Mothers can display compassion and forgiveness, but the father affirms his position by being tough. Speak to most young Muslims and you'll probably find that they don't get hugged by their fathers other than on the days of Eid, and that their fathers don't really tell them that they love them, are proud of them, or that it's ok they have made a mistake.
In the Islamic tradition we find a narration quoted by a companion of the prophet Muhammad, peace be upon him, Al-Bara' who said, "I saw the Prophet Muhammad, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, when al-Hasan was on his shoulder. He was saying, 'O Allah, I love him, so love him.'
Hasan is one of the grandsons of the prophet Muhammad. We can assume from this narration that he is a young child, small enough to be carried on his grandfather's shoulder. We can also assume that if Al-Bara' is able to hear the prophet say that he loves his Hasan, then Hasan himself is probably able to hear that he loves him as well. In addition to a great role model in his grandfather, Hasan's father is a man name Ali ibn Abi Talib. Amongst advice on giving children their rights, Ali advises that a parent plays with their children for seven years, educates them for seven years, befriends them for seven years and then lets the reigns go.
The contrast to today's scenario is that our young people only hear from their male elders about what they do that is wrong. How many times has your father told you that he loves you as opposed to the number of times he's told you that you messed up? Self-esteem and self-confidence are the first things to then go. Children grow into individuals so worried about making mistakes, they ultimately never reach their full potential. They never really were inspired to aspire towards anything outside of the box. All they do is what they believe would make their fathers happy with them under the guise of respect, but, in reality, in hopes of getting some sense of validation or approval from a man who, even though he doesn't see it, all the while has been looked up to.
Its unfortunate that our children can't tell us that they don't want to be doctors or engineers. It's sad that they get scared to tell us that they have found someone that they want to get married to because they anticipate us getting angry before getting excited or happy. And it's terrible that they will turn to the rest of the world for guidance and advice before turning to us.
'A'isha said, "Some bedouins came to the Prophet, may Allah bless him and grant him peace. One of their men said to him, 'Messenger of Allah, do you kiss children? By Allah, we do not kiss them.' The Messenger of Allah, may Allah bless him and grant him peace, said, 'Can I put mercy in your hearts after Allah has removed it from them?'"
If you have children if your life, spend time with them. Tell them that you love them and that you are proud of them. Give them the confidence to go out and take on the challenges of the world -- it really does make a difference.
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Incidentally, because of that legal age of marriage in many Islamic countries is 9 years of age for girls..
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB10001424052970203920204577191321206664022.html
1) Publish an article that has social relevance and also shows Islam in a positive light.
2) Wait.
2) Look up Deaths due to DUI/DWI in the United States. 99.9% of them are caused by non-Muslims.
It is true that some parents do not seem to have much affection for their children. But that cannot be held up as a religious defect. In every faith, some parents abuse -- or even kill -- their children. The news reminded us of a case in Canada where the parents and the brother of three girls killed them in a so-called "honor killing." But even in the Christian Scriptures, such a concept is found in the Old Testament Law.
But I never had any trouble expressing affection for my children in public or in private. Everyone knew I was proud of them -- including my children.
I can see how in some Muslim countries open displays of parental affection could be dangerous, especially if a father expressed his affection for his daughter in open, public ways. Grief! even a couple kissing in public can get you imprisoned and sentenced to lashing in Saudi Arabia. But I am sure that privately, a parents' love and affection for their children is shown by most, and that many wish that they could be more open about it.
There's also substantial evidence that those children who choose to leave Islam are treated with uncommon viciousness.
If those conducting an honor killing do so because they believe it to Islamic, it is how they are defining their faith and following it. If Sharia is misapplied, and a woman is punished for adultery but not the man, it is how Islam is being practiced, and thus defines it.
Mistaken though some may be, the Religion is defined by all of its practitioners. Thus, Shia and Sunna both define Islam, even though each may call the other infidel. Christianity is also judged that way, for those who claim to speak for it wind up speaking for it, whether others agree that they should or not.
It isn't a nice way to think. One would always like to blame the aberrations of others on their lack of faith. But the truth of the matter it is often their perception of their faith that leads some astray.
In his men hold hands and try to hide their women under tents.
Here, we don't.
"If any religion had the chance of ruling over England, nay Europe within the next hundred years, it could be Islam."
"I have always held the religion of Muhammad in high estimation because of its wonderful vitality. It is the only religion which appears to me to possess that assimilating capacity to the changing phase of existence which can make itself appeal to every age. I have studied him - the wonderful man and in my opinion far from being an anti-Christ, he must be called the Savior of Humanity."
"I believe that if a man like him were to assume the dictatorship of the modern world he would succeed in solving its problems in a way that would bring it the much needed peace and happiness: I have prophesied about the faith of Muhammad that it would be acceptable to the Europe of tomorrow as it is beginning to be acceptable to the Europe of today."
Or, do you live in cave?
It is to combat the demonization of Islam, that it is necessary to publish articles that shed a positive light on the religion of Islam.
And shameful for the perpetrators' country when condoned.
Jankantius - if you study history, you will see that people were messed up and were killing each other enthusiastically long before there was an America. And if America were to disappear tomorrow somehow, nothing would change in the Muslim world - Sunnis would be killing Shias and vice versa, both Sunnis and Shias would be killing Ahmadiyya, and once in a while, they would take time off to kill Hindus or Buddhists.
So you can stop blaming America and yourself - you guys just aren't that central to human existence that everything that is messed up in the world or even just in the Muslim world is your fault.