Every year it's the same. I get completely carried away with the Academy Awards. For years I've felt as if my life was a movie and then I spent forever dreaming I was starring in one. As none of it turned out to be true and I never actually made any effort to follow my dreams, it's no wonder I end up disappointed when the Oscars go by, yet I remain empty-handed. Still I insist on watching, of course after having kids, I no longer wake up in the middle of the night (because of the time difference I'd have to do it at two in the morning) to see it live. After years, I was at least able to realize that when it's all over, I do have to get up in the morning and be functional all day. I understand that Hollywood doesn't have those same problems, so for them it's perfectly normal to throw a party on a Sunday. Normal people don't get it.
And this year the date coincided with my daughter's birthday, so I am taking it as a sign. Just don't know of what? Is it perhaps time I did something, like wrote a script, that could still work> I am definitely too old and too realistic to think I could start making it as an actress, but even with writing I am not sure I could pull it off. Perhaps I am missing the big picture, just maybe the message is, I already got the best award and it's my youngest. Little Oscaress?
Still it does feel good to do a bit of daydreaming. Like what I'd do if I won. Would I remember to thank everyone and be all dignified, saying my "thank yous" in proper English or would I go completely off the rails with tears, babbling and stuttering? I bet I'd forget to mention my kids, because I wouldn't even remember I was a Mom. I'd be starting in Bradley Cooper's eyes and probably forget why I was even there. My one encounter with a local star proved I turn into a silent, drooling idiot, who suddenly can't form sentences. So, perhaps it's good to just be at home and watch the whole thing and pretend I could pull it off better than Gwyneth Paltrow. But then I couldn't get to wear any of those beautiful gowns and I wonder who'd be willing to dress me; with no boobs, more butt and a tummy that still shows signs of carrying a baby. I'd of course have to get a stylists and a make up artist and some jewelry, because I for sure don't have what it takes for the red carpet. The way I see it, I'd go broke if the Academy ever chose to nominate me. Thus, if this post got you thinking that perhaps I could fit in some category, please do me a favor and let me be.
Let me have my normal life, where for the next weeks I will be in awe of the movies -- I still haven't managed to see most of the nominated films, let alone the winners. I will for a second forget my so-called normal existence and dream the dreams of the thousand stories. I will watch the awards, pretend I was there, right next to Leo, trying to console him for not winning. "Hey," I'd say, "what about me I am not even nominated. But really, how badly does that suck, thinking you actually have a chance and then losing. I at least know where I stand, at home, in my PJs, jumping up and down for Jared Leto or screaming Let it go at the top of my lungs.
Sure, I'll let it go, tomorrow. Just for now I'll believe. As Hollywood turns to the after parties and sleep, I have to forget my glamorous friends, what could have been, wave goodbye to Mr. McConaughey and go deal with kids, work and every day chores. But at least I did some work on my over active imagination so, at the end I'd like to thank the Academy...
The post was previously published on coolkidzcooltrips.com.