Ever have a really frank conversation with your girlfriends that are married or wonder sometimes why you seem to be the only one that hasn't found true love or at least someone interesting enough to share your life? Or maybe you found him only to realize after far too long that he "just wasn't there"?
In the 1960s fewer than 8 percent of women who married were older than 30, but today over 30 percent of women getting married are past their 30th birthday. Also, women who are college graduates are now as likely to marry as their less educated peers, and they are less likely to get divorced.
This all seems like good news.
So, why are you still single? There is a high likelihood you just haven't found "the one." But, there is an equal likelihood that you don't really know where to look or how to spot him when he is there.
If you can finagle the truth out of your smart, successful girlfriends who have actually walked down the aisle, many will say that it wasn't an accident they found the partner of their dreams. They worked at it. The learned about themselves and what would be sustainable for them once the rush of chemistry faded. They put themselves out there to meet the type of men that would be open to a relationship and have a good likelihood of sharing their values.
And, perhaps most importantly, unless it happened in their early 20s, they likely did it leveraging the same smarts that helped them get ahead in their careers.
They learned about the natural polarity between men and women and how to navigate this in a way that allows them to dominate at work but still enjoy that electric energy that dances between men and women at home.
I have had so many conversations with girlfriends over the years about men. We listen to each other, share stories, give advice, but do we really know what we're talking about? Are we experts in finding love or deconstructing men? Of course not, so why are we always looking to each other rather than to someone more experienced for expertise that can help us navigate through what is arguably one of the most important decisions we will ever make in life.
I had the good fortune to meet Evan Marc Katz this summer who is arguably the best dating coach for high achieving women, and his insight has been ringing in my ears ever since.
He helped me finally come to the realization that we work so hard in our professional lives to learn how to improve our careers and performance, but when it comes to matters of the heart we assume it "will just happen."
Evan can be provocative at times, but it is because he gets real with the statistics. He breaks down the reality that if you're a high achieving woman seeking a higher achieving man who also happens to be smart, handsome, sensitive, available, ready to get married, a good partner, and into YOU, then you very well may find yourself single in the coming years as well.
After speaking with Evan for just a bit, it finally clicked for me that I actually have no clue how to successfully approach love. While I am constantly seeking ways to learn and grow in so many other areas of life with an executive coach, a yoga teacher, music teacher and others, I had not yet invested in really learning how to better navigate to the type of relationship that will sustain me for the long haul.
For some strange reason, we still often seem to consider it embarrassing to admit that we don't actually know what we are doing when it comes to love or are reluctant to invest time, energy and money in figuring it out which is downright silly when you consider just how important it is.
Not meeting enough qualified men? Find new ways to get yourself out there into the right circles. Keep dating the type of man who turns out to be unavailable or unable to meet your needs? Get a better sense of how to figure this out early on and to give a chance to the type of men who will. The key is to shake up your dating experience if things don't seem to be working and learn the things that can help make a big difference in your romantic life.
Not sure how to do it? Call on professional help. It's time to put the same emphasis on mastering your love life that you've put on work. I was so taken with Evan that I convinced him to work with us to create a program specially designed for all the smart, successful, single gals that are worthy of a wonderful man by their side.
If you're interested in checking out what Evan has to say, learn more about his 14-day online Boot Camp starting Valentine's Day, just in time for us single gals to sip a glass of wine and finally start learning how to do this right. Become the CEO of your Love Life.