Overweight and Not Doing Anything About It?

Are you overweight, aware of it, and not doing anything about it? I am asking because this is a painful place to be and yet I know many of you are in this place.

Of course there are overweight people who choose to stay that way. The fat acceptance people say, "I'm fat. I'm beautiful. I choose to stay this way. Deal with it." That's fine for them. I'm talking to those of you who would say, "I'm fat. I'm miserable. I hate being this way, but..."

I'm wondering about those of you who would like to change it but... Some "buts" I've heard are: but I can't lose weight, I try but never get anywhere, but I don't know how, but I don't feel like it, but I don't want to/or can't exercise, but I don't want to keep food records, but I don't want to change what I eat. Essentially what I hear is, "I'd like to lose weight but I don't want to do the work."

In addiction medicine the theory goes, "The pain of the addiction has to be greater than the pleasure before one is motivated to change." I believe this theory applies to food and losing weight. The pain of being overweight, and all the negatives associated with it, has to be greater than the pleasure of the food before one is ready and willing to change.

It is difficult in the moment to imagine how much better you will feel 10 lbs., 20 lbs., or even 100 lbs., lighter when you are faced with yummy food choices right now. Weight loss takes time and the food is here right now.

If you're in this painful place, let me know, let the readers know, and I (we) will see how we can help you move past it.

That's it for now. Good luck and let me know how you're doing.

If you'd like to participate in the research for Irene's new book about the process of weight loss, please visit http://www.eatingdisordertherapist.com/ and take the survey.

 

 

 

Follow Irene Rubaum-Keller on Twitter: www.twitter.com/irenekeller

Comments

[brassminnie]

09:19 AM on 01/13/2009

I lost 75 lbs. thirty-plus years ago and have never regained it. I did the up-and-down for more than a decade before that. I think one of the most common causes of getting fat is boredom. What craving are we really trying to satisfy when we go for a gooey treat or a bag of chips? What in your life is fulfilling, besides food? Is that TV show or computer game 'engaging' you, or just keeping you from noticing you're not doing anything you feel is fun? There's no doubt the problem is exacerbated by processed food, the huge amounts of salt and sugar in it, the 'taste enhancers' and so forth, but bottom line is we, as a people, don't do much we really enjoy. Anyone can find something actually satisfying to do, but most of us don't even know what we really like to do. Maslowe, in his essay, "The Good Life of the Self-actualized Human Being," referred to people who have to be reminded to eat and sleep. Can you find something that makes you feel like that? I did, after I realized that little voice that says "Oh, that's so much work," is not the voice of a friend. Any diet will work if a person decides to lose weight. It's the decision, not the diet, but there must be an interest to replace the boredom-relief of eating. Explore yourself.

[Irene Rubaum-Keller]

10:37 AM on 01/13/2009

Hi brassminnie,
I often teach people that they shouldn't just take away yummy, high fat, high calorie foods, but replace them both with yummy low calorie, healthy food and with things that add to their lives. Interests, hobbies, passions, projects, goals, etc... You are right that a lot of unnecessary eating is about being bored, sometimes lonely and lacking other things to do that are fun and fulfilling. You are also right that when you fill up your life with things that you love, the food takes a backseat. Congrats on your successful weight loss.

[doc26]

07:58 AM on 01/13/2009

I am a medical student and a former obese person (until i started high school). I would just like to say something about the "fat prejudice" comment above. From a medical perspective, i really regret that overweight and obese people frame this article about fat discrimination. fat discrimination is certainly out there and should fought strongly (i have experienced it as a child and it is a terrible thing)- but this is truly about your health. would you feel the same if the article was titled "smoking and not quitting?". we need to start being numbers oriented (BMI, cholesterol, BP, serum lipid count) and less appearance oriented. being underweight is as great of a risk to your long term health as being slightly overweight.

anyway, i lost it with cross country running and good nutrition (cook at home! eat your 5 servings of fruits and vegetables! cut out the sugar! every little change helps). its work, its slow, but its worth it. i am glad that i gave up the perfect body ideal and got happy with healthy :) (BMI 22, BP 115/60, cholesterol 160.. etc.) Its hard in this competitive culture but its worth it!

another sad statistic- on the same day i had a lecture on the new data that shows obese americans outnumber merely overweight americans (both around 1/3 of the population), i had a dinner lecture on the food crisis and the 25,000 people that die per day to starvation.

[Irene Rubaum-Keller]

10:33 AM on 01/13/2009

Thank you so much for this comment doc26. We both know what it is like to be heavy and it is no fun. You are very right that this is about health and not about some magic number. It is about feeling good, and being in a body that is able to run, jump, move and play with ease and joy.

[causticgit]

11:53 PM on 01/12/2009

I learned at 18 that I had Celiac, and had to cut gluten from my diet. A year later, we confirmed allergies to egg, soy, and several fruits.

The reason I'm posting this is to note that 'going back' or fudging my 'diet' just isn't tempting. The allergies could kill me, but gluten will slow me down, make me feel ill, and lead me back to depression and weight gain. I've slimmed down a lot since I 'stopped poisoning myself with food', but I'm still overweight. I have literally felt that my body is detoxing from 18 years of bad substances. I am no longer tempted to go back to the way I used to eat because I feel so much better now. It's hard to get over the first hump, reading all the labels and realizing how many prepared foods are now off-limits. But it's even less appealing to cross back over.

I know that exercise is my key, as it's worked in the past. Why not pick up a new, steady routine, when I know it'll be good for me? A part of me is reluctant to take on one more restriction, one more burden that I knew is good for me, but is still a burden. I already read labels diligently and I shudder any time I think another food allergy might be unveiled--I can't take the idea of cutting down even further.

[Irene Rubaum-Keller]

10:31 AM on 01/13/2009

Hi causticgit,
If you can find physical activity that you love, it won't feel like a burden. Once you get into the habit of doing it, it will be something you might actually look forward to and even miss if you can't do it for some reason. Keep up the great work!

[krisgarfield]

10:53 PM on 01/12/2009

Let's not forget about the portion sizes...and no, I'm not blaming food establishments. Granted, most have HUGE portions. Just take a knife and halve them. You'll be fine. Cook at home. It's a way to cut back on fat and save money. Most other cultures do this. Americans are vast consumers of things we don't need, Now the economy is sick. They chow down vast quantities of calories. They themselves are sick. I'm certainly not advocating wacko vegan, macrobiotic diets either. I find size 0 rather scary looking. Our nation is so extreme. We need to grow up. The Italians have it down great. In fact, the Sardinians are amongst the most long lived and healthiest people on the planet (see wwwbluezones.com sponsored by National Geographic). They eat plenty of fresh food, are active, and have a positive attitude...wait...thats it! Positive people tend not to be emotional eaters. They find satisfaction elsewhere. Something Ms. Keller has pointed out many times.

Listen up!

[Irene Rubaum-Keller]

10:29 AM on 01/13/2009

Thank you for your comment krisgarfield. You are so right. Fresh food, activity and a positive attitude will go a long way toward making one fit, healthy and happy. You get it.

[benne]

07:50 PM on 01/12/2009

Thanks for the parody of fat acceptance of fat pride. They'd say, you're feeling bad about yourself, do something. Get moving, eat right. This obsession with fat makes many, many people give up on themselves because they're told again and again, in so many ways, that they're worthless unless they achieve a magic number, whether on the tape measure or on the scale.

And, how about talking a little bit about how fat hatred and fatphobia makes some of us "miserable." Strange how many diet memoirs focus on the nasty comments and nasty ways they are treated. Maybe more therapists should focus on this since it would help us fatties get out more if we weren't facing a daily barrage of "helpful" advice, comments, and even physical assault.

I challenge you to ask some of us what sort of discrimination, what sort of abuse we face.

[Irene Rubaum-Keller]

08:54 PM on 01/12/2009

Thank you for your comment benne. I used to be a heavy person and know firsthand what it is like. It is awful. I chose to change things and lose weight. Should our society change and be more accepting of different sizes, shapes, races, ages, sexual preferences, etc... Absolutely! Meanwhile, I choose to take control of the things I can control, and my weight is one of those things. My best to you.

[txkayrose]

06:31 PM on 01/12/2009

I can honestly say I'm one toe past that most painful place. That 'one toe' being a few days of eating better. Not perfect adherence to some gimmicky diet - just better than what I was doing for the last year & a half. One day at a time, eating the foods that I know are good for me, and avoiding the ones that I know will set off the sugar cravings again. And, big surprise, it's a little bit easier every day. For me, personally, it's sugar and empty carbs.
The worst of it is still close enough to be able to remember sitting in the living room, very bored and marginally lonely, and being unable to stop thinking about the cookies in the pantry, or the cake on the counter or the ... whatever.
Having been through this before, I decided to try a little experiment. I chose a very busy week to cut back on the sugar. Not stress-inducing crazy, just busy enough to keep my mind off the lack of sugar. It has been fairly successful. Limiting( but still allowing) overt sugar to once a day has also been a big help.
What was the Aha moment? when my 12-year old chihuahua could run longer than I could.

[Irene Rubaum-Keller]

08:51 PM on 01/12/2009

Thank you so much for your comment txkayrose. You may want to think about getting the cookies out of the pantry and the cake off the counter, etc... The energy it takes to resist it, when it is in the house, could be spent on other things. Meanwhile, good luck and keep up the great work!

[gfk]

05:21 PM on 01/12/2009

This used to be me and it was a horrible place to be. I alternated between denial and hating my body. I finally have taken action and lost 50 lbs. I feel so much better and am only sorry it took me so long to deal with it.

[Irene Rubaum-Keller]

08:49 PM on 01/12/2009

Good for you gfk. Keep up the great work.

[showbizkid]

02:06 PM on 01/12/2009

Very difficult topic. We're living in a very sick culture these days, a culture of fat.

I got a film just this Saturday you might be interested, Processed People. Might help you with your research, I know I'm looking at the way we do things in a different way not. http://www.processedpeople.com.

It's easy to blame the person who's fat, but I'm starting to believe the problem (pardon the pun) is larger than that. I look forward to your book.

[Irene Rubaum-Keller]

08:48 PM on 01/12/2009

Thank you for your comment showbizkid. There is no doubt that much of our American diet is processed and unhealthy, however, no one is forcing any of us to eat that. We can choose to eat healthy food, skip the fast food, eat mostly fruits, vegetables, whole grains and lean protein and get some exercise. It is up to the individual regardless of what processed/fast food is available.