THE BLOG
04/19/2012 12:13 pm ET Updated Jun 19, 2012

Friendship Advice: Just Friends or More?

QUESTION

Hi Irene,

After a night of drinking on two different occasions, a very close friend and I ended up having a lesbian affair two times. This was a not a casual friendship, but a close friendship of three years.

We tried to discuss what happened but didn't make much progress. All my friend would say is, "I do not want you to think I have a girl crush on you," and "I was so confused by the situation and my feelings, I was not able to accurately convey my own feelings."

So the friendship ended after much frustration, I believe on both our parts. It has been over a year since we've had any contact, and I am wondering if the friendship can be restored. My husband thinks it was her intention all along for the affair to happen... she always said a lot of sexually-based compliments to me and that she had no real interest in being best friends.

I miss her. Any thoughts??

Signed,

Cindy

ANSWER

Dear Cindy,

This friendship sounds rather complicated and I'm not clear why you want to rekindle it after what you describe as a frustrating and unsettling experience and given the length of time that has elapsed since you last had contact.

It sounds like your friend was interested in being more than friends. Although you are married, you gave her reason to believe you were interested, too -- not once but twice.

You need to come to terms with your own desires and motivations before you decide whether to broach the subject with your friend. What is it that you miss about her and is she the best person to fill that need? Where does your husband stand in all this?

Hope this helps.

Best,

Irene

Prior posts on The Friendship Blog about gay friendships: On the Friendship Forums:

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