Anderson Cooper, Where Art Thou?

06/20/2009 05:12 am ET | Updated May 25, 2011

Anderson Cooper, where art thou?

On behalf of millions of homeowners,
that are launching their own mortgage wars,
we are seeking a broadcast commando
to lead us to Obama's door.

We choose you, Anderson Cooper
with your impeccable 360 view.
Will you be our staunch paratrooper
and investigate everyone we must sue?

While others rhetorize fluff
in a posture to seek their fame,
you choose to seek out the truth
and keep honest those who are to blame.

We know you thrive on breaking news
and our story is being suppressed
by evil banksters and their cronies
who would rather go bankrupt than confess.

In fact, it's their defrauding of homeowners
that created this global economic mess.
And Geithner and the boys at the Fed,
are keeping the true story away from the press.

The Congress and the Senate
are passing predatory lending laws,
but unless you break open Deep Throat Two,
the courts will have the same flaws.

If you too have been muzzled,
we will be sad to lose such a friend.
But it won't stop us from reaching out
until this American nightmare ends.

Maybe we should seek out Martha Stewart
whose following worships their homes.
Or empower a new celebrity
who is eager but unknown.

Do we go the late night route
and argue our case to Jay?
Or approach Barbara and the girls of the View
or lovable Rachel Ray?

Is it Greta or Wolf, O'Reilly or Chris,
or Matt and the gang at Today?
Or maybe Conan, Brian Williams
or SNL's muse, Tina Fey?

Do we lobby lady O,
Diane, Larry, or Katie C?
Ellen, no bull Campbell,
Keith O, or Regis and Kelly?

In the end, we wish only to help our nation
make millions of homeowners whole.
We watch with trepidation
our economy's deepening black hole.

So I'm reaching out to America's broadcast icons
that have earned a place in America's psyche
And, if in a sec, if there's still no hands on deck,
There is always Ben Bernacke.